She just left me, slamming the door in my face. He screamed at me, “I don’t love you any more!” while hanging up on me. Now what? Is this really happening?
When marriages get to this point, it tears at every part of you. Words that should be spoken in love and grace are usually shouted with anger and pain. “How can they say things like this?”
Attacks of all kinds, specifically verbal attacks, chisel away at the very fiber of our being. They erode the foundations that our lives have been built upon for years….and now this.
Where does that leave us? We question our relationships. We question why we did what we did. We question why someone we are/were in love with hurts us in ways we never thought could hurt this bad. We question so many insignificant things that sometimes don’t have anything to do with the issues at hand. Why?
At the root of all the questions lies two separate and distinct forces rubbing together, like the tectonic plates that cause earthquakes. And that is what is happening; an earthquake in your very soul!!
There are two massive forces grinding against each other, colliding and smashing against one another causing so much friction and heat that it results in a reaction at the surface.
One force is taking all of the angry words, pain caused by infidelity and abuse, and unfulfilled expectations and driving it against the other force which holds the words spoken in love, mercy and grace through all the failures, and dreams that have come true. It is a battle of good vs bad. It is a struggle of truth vs lie.
The plates that are grinding together, fighting for your identity are simply this:
- What others say and think about you (including yourself)
- What God says and thinks about you (your true self)
When our thoughts about ourselves get to the point where we question who we are and what we have become, we have taken our eyes off of God and put them on ourselves.
Don’t get me wrong. It is good to reflect on ourselves and do some self-inventory to be aware of how we are processing issues in our lives. It is a good thing, but too much of self leads to disaster. Going over every little problem to the nth degree will only drive us crazy.
When someone cheats on us or abandons us, it causes pain and hurt. It truly attacks our self-image with feelings that are negative towards what we see in the natural. They attack what we think about ourselves and how we believe others see us as well.
Choices of others should not dictate how you feel about yourself, but they do. Why? Because we are human.
We are living in a fallen world with a fallen system trying to be controlled by fallen people falling into fallen decisions that just cause us to want to fall into our bed and stay there. Don’t let someone else’s fallen decisions make you believe something about yourself that is untrue.
Don’t let their failures cause you to create more mistakes that you will be responsible for in the future. Two wrongs do not equal a right.
If you made mistakes, own up to them and do everything you can to correct the situation so you can be better. If you can improve in areas like communication, work/life balance, or personality development, by all means do it. Make those changes to be a better person because you need to be better, not just because someone hurt you. You need to be the best you for your own well-being; mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
When we believe things about ourselves that contradict what God thinks about us, we need to change. He need to know what God says about us and see ourselves through His eyes.
God knows we are human. He created us that way. He sees all of our faults, weaknesses, and mistakes. He knows. Yes, He knows it all…….even that thing you are thinking about right now. And He loves you anyway.
That is why we need more of Jesus EVERY DAY!! We need to spend time in His Word, giving Him back some of the time He has given us. God gave you this day. He gives you every breath you take and the life you have right now (as messed up as it may seem). He is just wanting a little bit of your time so He can help you with whatever you are dealing with today.
What does God think about you?
“For I know the thoughts I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11.
“Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them. How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them!” Psalm 139:16-17.
Will God give up on you?
“Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9.
“For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39.
So now what, God?
“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” Ephesians 2:10.
“Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21:3-4.
God loves you in ways I could never even describe. What He thinks about you rubs up against the lies of the enemy coming against you from the words and actions of those not in alignment with what God knows about you.
Don’t waste one more minute of your life believing something about you that God doesn’t believe about you. You are just causing an aftershock of the earthquake that has already happened. The earthquake is over. Don’t let the effects continue.
There will be minor aftershocks until the plates give up their pressure. Believe me… God is a loving, patient, and powerful God and no lies of the enemy or people who want to tear you down are more loving, more patient, and more powerful than Him.
Take one day at a time (with Jesus). Hold on to what is strong (Jesus). Don’t believe lies and half-truths about yourself. Believe what God KNOWS about you.
You were created by a loving God. You are loved with an everlasting love. You will be recover from this earthquake over time as you walk hand in hand with the One who holds it all together, Jesus!!