The Healing Triangle

Think about a triangle. Any triangle. It may have different lengths and odd angles. It may be large or small. It may look different to each person, depending on how they look at it. Yet, there are certain characteristics of a triangle that each one has that are the same:

  1. They all started at a specific point.
  2. They all are created with 3 sides.
  3. They all end up at the original point, but from a different point of view.

There is a point in our life when things become extremely difficult and life-changing like divorce. There needs to be a change. We need to move away from that point. We need to create movement away from that specific point.

It is not easy. It takes energy and a decision to move forward. But what direction do I need to move? What if I head in the wrong direction?

I may present an unpopular point here, and I may take a little flack with it, but I think in the end it really doesn’t matter. What matters is that you move away from that point, in ANY direction.

Make a decision to move on, and then start moving.

Think about how you would draw a triangle. You start with your pen or pencil on a specific point and than you move away from that point in a straight line. Just get moving. Go. Move away from it. It is time to leave that point, and it starts with the decision and movement.

Create the first side of your healing triangle.

But you may ask, what if I head in the wrong direction? Ultimately, it doesn’t really matter. What actually matters is that you start creating something new. Get moving.

When do you stop moving in that direction? It is different for everyone.

Just like every triangle can look different, so will your triangle. If you want that first side to be long to get as far away as you can from the specific point you are leaving, that is fine.

Sometimes the hurt and pain will cause you to head in a certain direction longer that others. You are on a journey that is meant only for you. You are unique and your healing will look different than anyone else’s healing.

There will come a time when you get tired of just moving away from that painful time in your life. You will realize that you are far enough away and it is time to make a shift. It may be to the left, it may be to the right.

Does it matter which way I turn? Again, it is your decision.

At this new point, it DOES matter which way you turn. You have to turn. You can’t just keep running away from that painful point.

You will come to the realization that if you just keep running from it, you will never be able to heal from it. You must be able to see that point from a different perspective. You need to start creating the second side of your healing triangle, and you must choose to turn right or left.

There are only two directions to choose from, right or left. Which direction will you take?

One direction leads you in a positive direction, one that will lead you to seek what good can come from your current situation. The other direction leads you in negative direction, one that will lead you down a path of negativity and an unhealthy mindset towards what happened and where you will ultimately end up.

Don’t make that decision without truly understanding which way you should turn. It will make a world of difference in the rest of your life. How will you heal from that point in your life that you would rather forget about and put behind you?

It does matter which way you turn. You will understand in a minute, how important this decision is and how it will change your whole life moving forward.

You are creating your first angle with this turn. Here is your next decision and another specific point in your life. It will change the direction of your life.

Choose Jesus. Choose the path towards the only one who can help you make sense of what happened. Choose the direction towards understanding and peace. Trust me. It is the best direction.

Yet, the decision is yours. When you truly see how much your life will be affected by taking the positive direction and how your healing triangle comes together, you will look back at this next specific point where you shifted your direction and be thankful you did.

You are now heading in a new direction. What kind of angle did you take?

A triangle is created by 3 angles and 3 sides.

The angle determines two things:

  1. Your commitment and trust to the healing process.
  2. Your faith in the healing process which determines how long it will take to heal.

Think about your healing triangle again. You are now creating that second side. You have committed to a change of direction, but at what angle?

Are you still heading away from that painful point in your life? Are you still running? Are you moving sideways, not wanting to hurt, but realizing that you need to stop running so you can address the pain before losing any more time?

Did you realize that the only way to move on is to take a sharp angle towards the understanding and truth that Jesus has for you? Do you trust Him and not yourself for the healing? The sharper the angle towards God will bring greater healing in a shorter time frame.

You can decide how long your healing will take by how sharp of an angle you take towards God and the healing He has for you.

Think about it. If you take a shallow angle and just put a little faith and commitment into your healing, you will end up having a much longer way to travel back to complete your healing triangle.

In order to complete a triangle, the second side leads to the second angle. That second angle is what you need to head towards completing your triangle.

The first angle determines your second angle.

The length of the second side (time spent before creating your second angle) is also a choice. How long do you want your second side to be? Everyone’s healing triangle is unique. It does take time. Don’t sweat it. Everyone’s healing times are different. Just don’t take forever to make your final decision. You will never complete your triangle until you do.

There will come that time when you are ready to look back at your original starting point because you want to complete your healing triangle, the healing process.

Here is where all of your decisions up to this point (the length of the first side, your decision to turn left or right, degree of that first angle, the length of the second side) all factor into the next step.

As you look back at that painful point in your life, you need to go back there to complete your healing triangle. Let me explain:

You need to be able to see what happened to you from a different perspective.

Your first angle determines how far you still have to go to complete your triangle. It also determines how sharp of an angle you now need to take in order to complete your triangle as well.

How long you took until you decided to turn (your second side) and face your past with a new perspective determines how much more time you have to complete your triangle.

Are you ready? Have you decided it is time to address the pain from a new perspective?

Let’s back up to your first angle: Did you take right turn? Did you choose the correct direction to turn? Are you heading back towards your painful past with understand, truth, and peace you received in the healing process from God? Did you make the wrong turn?

Before you finally connect the dots and complete your triangle, make sure you are seeing your pain through the grace, mercy, love, acceptance, healing, peace, and understanding of the only one who can heal a broken heart :Jesus!!

If you took the wrong turn, that is ok. Stop. Turn back. Return to where you made the wrong decision and create a new angle. Do it more than once if needed.

You need to see your pain from a positive direction with the eyes of God if you are ever going to fully and completely be healed from your pain. Trust me. It is the only way you will fully be able to move on without the baggage and unresolved issues that divorce or other painful event has caused you.

Did you take a positive, Godly angle when you were done running? Are you ready to complete your triangle?

Realize that whatever angle you took and the length of time you spent before making your second angle doesn’t really matter in the scheme of healing. It may add time and some uncomfortable times before you complete, but you are doing it; YOU ARE HEALING!!

Make the decision to head back to that painful point. With your new Godly perspective, make your second angle and connect the dots.

See your pain through God’s eyes. You can’t change it. It happened. It was painful.

As you complete your triangle, it may still hurt, but as you close your triangle know that healing is being completed. It may not feel like it, but it is. God is healing you. You decided how long and at what angles your healing took, but God brought you back here; to the point of your pain.

Complete your triangle. Let God hold your hand as you complete it. Ask Him to heal you completely as you trust Him to finish the work.

It is ok to shed tears. It is ok to still not understand why. It is ok. You will be ok.

You took the angle that led towards God and brought you back to the most painful point of your life with a fresh, Godly perspective; one that includes truth, peace, and understanding.

You are healed. Thank Him for healing you.

Give God the glory as you now move forward into all that He has for you.

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” — Romans 8:28

Be blessed!!

YouVersion Bible App Reading Plans:
31 Days: http://bit.ly/2DNy6E6
7 Days: http://bit.ly/2DTHQwD

Book: http://amzn.to/2ctwjHp

 

 

New Reading Plan Released!!

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Hi Everyone!!

So thankful and blessed by all of those who joined us last week for the daily postings of the new Reading Plan called, “Survive and Thrive”.

I just wanted to share that it has now been released on the YouVersion Bible App and you can now have it available instantly on your device.

Click HERE for “Divorce to Healing; Survive and Thrive” and share with those that would appreciate the help it provides.

Again, Thank you all for moving forward in your healing and letting me be a small part of that.

Be blessed!!

Amazing News!!!

Thank to all you you in the Divorce to Healing community!! I am blown away by how many of you have downloaded and completed the YouVersion Reading Plan. Thank you for giving God room to heal you and bring you closer to wholeness.

Feel free to share your comments below.

If you have not yet gone through the reading plan and want to, here is the link: http://www.bible.com/reading-plans/2440-divorce-to-healing-31-wholeness

If you want to connect via Facebook, join us:                                                       http://www.facebook.com/divorcetohealing

If you would like a copy of the book, it is available on Amazon:           http://www.amazon.com/Divorce-Healing-31-Days-Wholeness/dp/1530366364

The Book is HERE!!

Book Proof

You can now get your own copy of “Divorce to Healing: 31 Days of Healing and Wholeness“!!

Grab yours at Amazon here!!

Thanks everyone for all the kind words and encouragement that helped me to strive and bring forth what God has been wanting me to do for so long.

If you would like to check it out for free, head over to the YouVersion Bible App and see if you would like it. A majority of the book’s content is the same (31 Days), except for the introduction which has my story as well as a list of additional resources I recommend.

Remember, this makes a great resource that you can also give to a friend or family member that may need some encouragement as well.

As of this post at the beginning of Sept 2016, I will be holding a contest on both Twitter and Facebook, if you would like to win a free copy. Head over and join our community there.

Be blessed!!

 

Divorce to Healing: Day 31

Joy

Joy

 

You may seriously question if you will ever have any real joy again. The answer is a resounding and whole-hearted YES!! Now, depending on your faithfulness to the healing process that God has for you, your joy may be great or small.

There are many kinds of joy from a child’s face or a playful puppy to a warm salty breeze to complete peace deep down in your soul. There is also an everlasting joy that only comes from knowing who’s you are, not just who you are.

Don’t settle for only joy in the company of others like the joy that you can manufacture by flying to a resort or finding your new mate. Strive for that joy that causes you to sleep well at night and look forward to what tomorrow brings.

Joy in the natural can be simple to attain and yet fast and fleeting. Joy in the spirit you don’t even need to worry about. It is always there, encouraging and calling you into a greater life. It may even bubble up in uncontrollable laughter, too.

Look towards those things and people that make you joyful, not just happy or comfortable. There are those that when you leave spending time with them, you feel enriched in your soul and that is a joy builder.

I can explain it to you this way: if you have to think about creating joy, you are not there yet. It will come as you let God fill up that well of joy that has run dry in you.

For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for a lifetime; weeping may last for the night,
But a shout of joy comes in the morning. Ps 30:5

Everybody wants and needs joy, but only the joy that comes from a healed and whole heart knowing how much they are loved by their Creator satisfies.

Prayer

God, may I feel the joy you have for me every day. Fill me with your love and peace so that your joy just rises up in my soul and heals, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

 

Divorce to Healing: Day 30

Peace

Peace

 

Do you long for peace? Do you pray for peace in your family and in your soul? Do you just need some peace (and quiet)? I may not be able to help with the quiet part, but if you have young kids, take it when you get it!!

There are those of us who need to just stop and give some peace to others. We need to end our wars and offer to at least be nice to one another. If that is you, for the love of all that is holy, please do it. Nothing rots a soul like a poisonous agenda looking to hurt someone else. To get peace, you need to start by giving it.

There are those of us who really just need peace, to make it through today. We need that quiet confidence that things are ok and are going to be better tomorrow. If that is you, do whatever you need to do to get it. Have someone watch the kids, call a friend or family member to talk, or get alone with God.

There will always be conflict, even in your greatest relationships. Don’t let that discourage you. Through struggle comes strength, if you use it positively. Peace is more an attitude than a feeling. You can choose to live in peace.

When you strive to see people through God’s eyes, you see them for who they really are; a child of God. Pray that they will see you the way God see you.

Take the high road because in the end, the view is so much more peaceful.

11 Finally, brethren, rejoice, be made complete, be comforted, be like-minded, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you. 2 Cor 13:11

Peace is not an absence of conflict, it is a quiet comfort in strength. Peace is not a lack of an enemy, it is the fullness of a relationship with the peace-maker, Jesus!!

Prayer

God, grant me peace today. Let me know how much You love me and allow my soul be renewed, refreshed, and restored every day, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Divorce to Healing: Day 29

Evidence

Evidence

 

The cop shows on TV and the local law enforcement are not the only ones that have to handle evidence. Searching, collecting, and examining evidence happens whenever something tragic happens, but there are so many ways to use it.

Evidence can convict and exonerate. It can lead and it can confuse. The person handling the evidence is the one who largely determines how best to use it, but it may not be the whole truth.

You are in the process of healing, and in that process there are pieces of the tragedy that shine a light on what happened.  There will also be evidence of healing and that is where I want to spend the rest of our time.

What do you see in yourself that has learned from your past, good and bad? Have you realized those thoughts, words, and deeds that have brought you to this point and how they are impacting your life today? Learn from the bad, but dwell on those things that you see that are good. Make a list of the good ones!!

At your lowest point, did you ever think you would have been able to do some of the things you are able to do now? (i.e. communicate better, handle finances, enjoy your quiet time, keep the kids alive, remember to take out the trash, etc..)

So many little things all the way up to the big things are improving daily, even if you do not see it yet. Each day you wake up, you are one day closer to your healing and one more day closer to the blessings God has for you.

11 Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Heb 11:1

Have faith!! Tomorrow will be better. Some days may not, but add them up!!

Prayer

God, may the evidence of my healing be revealed to my day by day so that it may shine through me so that others can also see your grace, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

5 Divorce Resolutions for 2014

2014 New Year

So many times when a new year comes around, we have a positive outlook and are excited for what lies ahead. Maybe this isn’t the start for you. Here are some suggestions to help you along your journey.

Resolve to give thanks for what you have

You are still here. You are still breathing. You may thought you have lost everything, but take a few minutes and write down all that you still have (family, friends, children, job, home, etc). It may not be what you were expecting or wanted, but some people would trade their lives for yours right now. How many things can you come up with? Write them down and look at them daily. Add to them as you think of more.

Resolve to think about and help others

Yes, you are still hurting and need healing, but so do so many others. By taking your eyes off of yourself from time to time will not only be a blessing to others, but you will heal in the process. Nothing helps a hurting heart more than allowing it to pour love out to those that need a helping hand (especially your children, if you have them).

Resolve to take care of yourself

Start making healthier decisions in your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual life. You are not good for anyone else let alone yourself if you are sick, depressed, and bitter. Join a group or gym to get some exercise. Join a recovery group to work through the emotions you are dealing with so that you can move on. Read and study the Bible and books that speak life into your soul. It really does help.

Resolve to forgive

Choose to take the path of forgiveness instead of the path of bitterness. Holding onto painful thoughts and events from the past only imprison you, not the other person. I have heard that to forgive is to give up hope on a better past. Think about it. You can’t change the past, but you can change the present and the future. Let that dead past stay in the ground. You have a life to live. Go for it.

Resolve to take it one day at a time

Realize that every day you have a choice to make it a good day by the attitude you embrace. The sun will come up again and you can have a better tomorrow if you make today better. Today is your day. It is waiting for you to live it. Grab it and ride it.

I know you can have a great year. Do it by making today the day you resolve to be a better you!!

Starting Over

Where do I begin? Is there anything left? Where is God in all of this?

Sound familiar? These are some of the exact questions that people have when needing to recover from a divorce.

I have a hard time telling people what to do. It’s hard enough to be a dad and tell my daughter she needs to go to bed when she doesn’t want to or my son that he needs to take care of things before the last-minute. Maybe it is just my way of allowing people to learn, or maybe it is just me wimping out on my responsibility as a dad. I need to work on that.

But,  do you REALLY want someone to tell you what to do? Do you REALLY trust the advice you are getting is in your best interest? How do you know?

Ok, here is where the rubber meets the road. Are you ready? What I am going to tell you is going to be something that most people will never tell you. It is groundbreaking information that will work 100% of the time, if you follow the directions. The problem is most people either never receive the advice with a willing spirit to change or they attempt it for a while and then think the advice has to be wrong so they just go it alone.

If you really want to know what to do, here it is:

1) Pray

2) Seek God

3) Turn away from the wrong things

Simple as that. If you truly want the recovery and peace that will last and sustain you as you heal, you need help from above. Only God can heal a broken heart.

Praying to God, no matter what the prayer sounds like to start, opens the communication to Him. It brings forth an openness for change in you, which is what is needed to heal.

I can remember times of just screaming and yelling at God. Every part of me wanted to vent my frustration and pain while pushing the blame onto someone or something else. I wanted them to feel pain like I felt and it really didn’t matter what I said. It just felt good to say it. Praying for justice took on a whole new meaning, meaning it would make me feel better. but eventually, God changed my heart.

He caused me to start praying that I would be all He had for me to be, no matter what happened. I knew that the future held so much more pain, but I knew that deep down, God loved me with a love that no human can have. It help the healing process to start. And it will help you.

Seeking God is just that, looking for Him. Looking for Him in everything, not just a pretty sunrise, your child’s face, or a song that moves you. It is something that should happen daily and be sincere in knowing Him, not finding verses to curse your ex-spouse with (I’m sorry, but I am guilty in doing that for a while). Building a relationship with God, founded on the written word of God (bible), is what will sustain you for the long road ahead as well as setting you up for peace and wisdom to handle what is coming next.

Turning away from the wrong things should be obvious, and for most people, it is. We tell ourselves that we will change our behavior, but it seems like it just will not happen. It takes a decision and the fortitude to manage that decision from this day forward.

What kind of behavior do you need to change? Hopefully, you already know. Most people know where they need to make changes because they have told their spouse things like, “Oh, I can quit drinking or doing drugs if it means you will give me another chance” or “You keep telling me to do (x,y,z) and I don’t think I need to change. It is you who needs to change”. Well, for just a moment, think about it. What behavior did your spouse say caused problems? Start with that. Through more prayer & relationship with God, you will get direction in how you need to change and grow so that you can become the person you need to be.

The points above come from 2 Chronicles 7:14 which says “then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and PRAY and SEEK my face and TURN from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land.”

If you want your land(heart) restored, you need to PRAY, SEEK, and TURN to God.

It is the only way to a true, lasting, and complete healing.

Or, you can keep doing what got you here in the first place……It is your choice.

In my own strength, I failed.

I will take the Creator of it all, the One who loves me and gives me my every breath. My faith and trust is in the One who knows how to heal the broken heart.

He can and will, if you let Him.

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