WHAT? YOU QUIT?

Ok. Time to get real. As far as resolutions go, approximately 609,234,127 of them have been broken and we are only 13 days into the new year. Now what?

It may not what you want to hear, but why did you give up? Have you stopped to think about it?

If you ask me why I quit something, it is because of a lack of discipline in my life, pain that I was not wanting to to deal with and it was easier to not continue, or circumstances beyond my control. Let’s talk about each one.

Lack of discipline in my life is probably one of my greatest regrets. It has caused me to lose so much time, money, and joy in my life. I look back on my life and I can remember over and over about all the ideas I have had and all of the things I have started, and never finished. A while back, I realized something about myself. I am a great starter. I am not a finisher. And I hate that about myself.

I have finished a lot of things, including projects at work and certain things that did not take much time or effort. But it is the things that meant the most to me, the things I had a dream and a passion for that I just let die. Business ideas, inventions, music, and even friendships. In a nutshell, I was afraid to fail, and in my fear, I failed.

Over the last few months, I have resolved to change that about me. This blog is a part of that. The first blog I started, includes 1 post. This blog is different. I feel a closeness to what I am writing about and it is deep inside of me to be able to help others through a severely difficult time in there lives. As just a guy who has been where you are/have been, know that it is your desire to heal and seek help that is driving me to be disciplined to add content and words that will encourage and bring hope. Thanks for helping me help you.

Pain in my life is something that is hard to talk about. There is a lot of things I will never share with anyone other than God. I have chosen to share the most painful things with my wife and they will stay there. Just know that pain is just that, hurt.

The pain that I experienced caused me to shrink back and not strive to heal. I wasted so many tears and so much time just letting the pain be, or shoving it down inside of me. It was not healthy and it just prolonged my healing.

I know it hurts. Whatever you are feeling, let yourself feel it. Deal with it. Get whatever help you need. Take it to God and lay it at His feet. Don’t give up, just give it to Him. He is the only one who knows the depth of your pain and can give you the healing you so desperately need.

Circumstances in my life caused me to have to react in ways that I absolutely did not want to. I did not choose to be divorced. I chose to remain faithful and do whatever I could to remain married. My circumstances at times told me what I would do and I had no choice. It is still amazing to me what happened and that God did not allow things to work out. Twice.

First, it is not God’s fault. It is called free will and I was on the receiving end of two relationships that included someone else who chose to walk away. With that, they dictated how things would end. No amount of praying to God or desire on my part changed my circumstances. How I dealt with them, WAS my choice.

When it comes to someone’s free will, you can only do so much to influence it. There comes that moment when you have to realize that you never have nor will you ever make someone else love you. It is a choice if that other person wants to love you.

Can you imagine how God feels when someone chooses not to love Him? God created everything and gave His one & only Son, Jesus, as the greatest sacrifice of love for every person who has ever been born or will ever be born. Yet, people choose not to love Him.

Realizing that you are in control of your free will and your own choices, why would you ever give up? Why would you let circumstances or someone else dictate to you how to live the rest of your life?

You are a once-in-a-lifetime creation that God made for a purpose. What someone else thinks about you or says about you, does not need to control you. You could not control if they loved you, don’t let what is in the past to control you now.

Take a few minutes and really think about why you might have given up to this point and realize this: You have not given up if you choose to take just one more step.

Maybe that step is just turning your emotions and the pain over to God and asking Him to take it from you. Even if you do not feel different, know that your feelings will follow your decisions. Stand firm in your decision to take another step forward and to move on from it, your feelings will eventually follow.

You might have thought you gave up, but just reading this far, you have shown that you are still doing something to heal. You are still moving. It may not feel like it, but you are.

Psalms 23:4 (NASB) says “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for you are with me…”

What is the part of the verse that describes what we should do?

WALK THROUGH. We are moving and we are going through it. It doesn’t say, “While you sit and hurt in the lowest valley, know that God is feeling sorry for you…” Not a chance. I am sure God cries and hurts when you do, but He wants you to move and not stay where you are.

And isn’t that what you want too?

Don’t give up.

You have no idea how great your tomorrow will be if you stay stuck in yesterday.

I Want to #$%@!$# SCREAM!!!!

Ok. Before I blow my witness, I should just gather my thoughts. Calm down, mister……

I am PISSED!!!

MAN, why does this happen?!?!?

I received a text today from a very close friend in my life. They told me that they found out what caused their co-worker to go to the hospital with chest pains on New Year’s Eve. You wanna know why?

They moved out this last weekend. They are now separated from their spouse.

&#$&!%$!@^&!@

I have no idea what kind of situation is going on. I only know of this person because it is a co-worker of my close friend and they found out the news.

I don’t know if there was infidelity. I don’t know how long they have been struggling. I don’t know if abuse was involved.

Will I seem insensitive if I say “I DON”T CARE WHY!!!!!!”?

This just has to stop. Am I the only person who thinks that people just take others and relationships for granted? NONSENSE!!!!!

OK, back to reality…. Serenity now…..Serenity now……

I am sorry. I must now know that the thing I am most passionate about in life is not making more money, reaching new levels of success in my career, or becoming famous.

I have a heart for those that have to deal with separation and divorce. And it sucks. It really does.

It sucks that I cannot help people before it happens. Of course, I would if I could. Or can I.

Maybe I am just a bleeding-heart with no real answers that just feels bad for people. Maybe I think I can help but I really can’t. Maybe because I am not educated in whatever brain science they teach in college and have a piece of paper on the wall, I am helpless to help those that are helpless.

I call BS on that!!!

I have been there and done that, TWICE!!! I have felt the pain, that stabbing in the gut, back, head, heart, and every other part of me. I know what it is like to hurt. I know what is like to love someone and have them just crap on your marriage.

I know even more after today that I need to find a way to be a practical and effective help to those that desire help. I know people would get help, if they actually want it and choose to value their relationship.

If you happen to be looking at this blog and have not yet, but are deciding if you need to get separated or a divorce, let me help you. Let others help you. Reach out to those who will tell you the hard truth, not just what you want to hear. Find someone that you can trust to give you life-changing advice that will save you from one of the most painful and hardest things you you can experience. Take time to think things through and get help. Don’t go it alone.

As a Christian, the ONLY way I could make it through was to let God take over my thoughts, feelings, and emotions. I did everything in my natural strength to save my marriages. It didn’t work.

I can tell you and my wife will tell you too, my ex-spouses screwed up. I am a great guy who needed some time to learn how to be a husband, friend, and lover. I needed to learn to communicate and not just listen. I had things to improve, but in this microwave world of ‘you are not my soul mate and it’s been 5 days or 5 weeks or even 5 months’, it was convenient for them to just jump ship.

I am not perfect. I have never claimed to be and I know more and more each day that I never will be perfect.

That is not a reason to give up on a relationship.

(climbing down from my 100ft high soapbox)

Thanks for letting me rant. I just needed to vent. It really has helped me to see that I must do all I can to help those that want and need the help that I can give.

I will have some more blog posts coming soon. Hopefully, you will get something that you can use to help in your own journey.

Be blessed!!

Who Needs a Hug?

baby hug photo:  Step5.jpg

No matter what you are going through or how you are feeling at this moment, could you use a hug?

Even though you are just reading this on a screen and you may be all by yourself, lonely, depressed, or just needing someone to encourage you….here is a virtual hug for you.

Take a deep breathe, close your eyes, and hug yourself.

Know that you may not be with another person right now, but you are never alone. Someone else somewhere else is going through the same things you are going through and are there with you, just in a different place.

You may be lonely, but you have someone thinking about you, wondering how you are doing, praying for you. It may be a friend or a family member. It may be someone you don’t even know that is just knowing you are struggling. You have someone somewhere that cares.

God is always near. He will hold you in His arms. When you need a hug, just reach out to Him. He will comfort and hold you.

Be blessed!!

Take the High Road

high road photo: High Road Pic048.jpgI know it is the difficult path. I know you have heard it before. I know that you know you should…..

TAKE THE HIGH ROAD

Beyond all of the lies, pain, struggle, and grief is a person who is needing to have direction at this time. You want to know which way to go, because you are just lost at times. Every path seems to lead down the wrong road and you are sick of just traveling around the same mountain again and again and again.

Too many times we take the path of revenge, bitterness, unforgiveness, and regret. It seems like the easier and sometimes more rewarding path, but that is far from the case.

In the end, you are going to have to live with yourself and the consequences of taking the easy road instead of the high road. It rolls downhill and seems easy, but it is full of potholes and pain.

Taking the high road does not mean you roll over and let things happen. It doesn’t mean you take things lying down or continue in an abusive relationship. Taking the high road means to be the bigger person and be the one who does the right thing in the relationship.

Children know which parent is living a lie. They know what is going on, even if you choose not to share thoughts and feelings with them. They can see by the actions of their parents who is living a life worth emulating and following. They know, even if they don’t say it.

I don’t know how many stories I have heard about children who may blame their mom for leaving their husband (or vice versa) because they were the spouse that left, not because they where the spouse in the wrong. They may like being ‘bought presents’ and affection from one parents and have nothing with the other.

Someday, but maybe not today, they will figure it out.

Take the high road anyway.

When your spouse chooses to go behind your back with something pertaining your kids, when she tells all of her girlfriends how much of a slob and workaholic you are, when he takes the money out of the account before he leaves you and you have no finances left…..

Take the high road anyway.

Do the right thing and prayerfully consider what you need to say or do to protect yourself and your children. It is not about getting something from that ^&#&^!@%, but it is about following through on raising your children to the best of your ability within the laws of the land. It is about modeling behavior that you want your children to see on how to handle stressful and life-changing events in your life so that they can learn from them.

When you look back months and years from now, if you take the high road, you will be able to see how being the bigger person and doing the right thing has enhanced your character and developed a strength in you that nothing else up to this point could do.

I would love to know what kind of high road examples and experiences you would like to share. Feel free to comment below. I know it would encourage others to hear how you have learned from your experiences.

The view is always better from the top of the mountain. At the top, you can see where you are going. You can see the beauty and the mountain tops that lie before you. When you are stuck at the bottom of the mountain, all you see is the path before and behind you. No vision and regret from taking the easy way.

Take the high road. Let out a shout & listen as the mountains echo your voice of victory on your road to healing.

Be blessed!!

5 Divorce Resolutions for 2014

2014 New Year

So many times when a new year comes around, we have a positive outlook and are excited for what lies ahead. Maybe this isn’t the¬†start for you. Here are some suggestions to help you along your journey.

Resolve to give thanks for what you have

You are still here. You are still breathing. You may thought you have lost everything, but take a few minutes and write down all that you still have (family, friends, children, job, home, etc). It may not be what you were expecting or wanted, but some people would trade their lives for yours right now. How many things can you come up with? Write them down and look at them daily. Add to them as you think of more.

Resolve to think about and help others

Yes, you are still hurting and need healing, but so do so many others. By taking your eyes off of yourself from time to time will not only be a blessing to others, but you will heal in the process. Nothing helps a hurting heart more than allowing it to pour love out to those that need a helping hand (especially your children, if you have them).

Resolve to take care of yourself

Start making healthier decisions in your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual life. You are not good for anyone else let alone yourself if you are sick, depressed, and bitter. Join a group or gym to get some exercise. Join a recovery group to work through the emotions you are dealing with so that you can move on. Read and study the Bible and books that speak life into your soul. It really does help.

Resolve to forgive

Choose to take the path of forgiveness instead of the path of bitterness. Holding onto painful thoughts and events from the past only imprison you, not the other person. I have heard that to forgive is to give up hope on a better past. Think about it. You can’t change the past, but you can change the present and the future. Let that dead past stay in the ground. You have a life to live. Go for it.

Resolve to take it one day at a time

Realize that every day you have a choice to make it a good day by the attitude you embrace. The sun will come up again and you can have a better tomorrow if you make today better. Today is your day. It is waiting for you to live it. Grab it and ride it.

I know you can have a great year. Do it by making today the day you resolve to be a better you!!

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