Month: April 2020

Can You Help Me?

When I started this blog years ago, I never knew that it would reach all over the world and help so many special people. Each and every one of them (including YOU) has been a blessing from God to encourage me to continue helping people that need healing from divorce.

And now, I would love your help!!

I believe that God is leading me to create a new YouVersion Bible App Reading Plan. I have been blown away by how many people have responded to the other two plans I created (as of today, over 137,000). I give God all of the glory and a huge thank you to YouVersion for allowing me to just be a small part of the healing process that He is doing in their lives. I am extremely humbled.

Soooooooo, what next?

I WOULD LOVE YOUR HELP!!

I know that you may not be ready to share about your divorce situation, and I am totally fine with that. If you are not, you may skip the rest of this post. Feel free to check out any of the other posts I have on this blog. May they give you the help and direction you need during this time in your life. Check back soon because I will be creating another new blog post soon and would love to know what you think.

If you are at a point where I could ask you to suggest topics for my next Reading Plan, I would LOVE for you to help me out.

TITLE: (pending) DIVORCE TO HEALING: THE FIRST 7 DAYS

REQUEST: In as much detail as you feel willing to share; describe the first 7 days of your divorce and what helped you out the most in those 7 days? Can you narrow it down to a few different topics? Are there specific feelings of fear, regret, anger, etc.. that dominated that time? Looking back, if you had a Reading Plan offering assistance during that time, what 7 things would have given you the most help during those first 7 days?

I know this may not be something you feel comfortable to share, and I totally understand. I just wanted to give you an opportunity to share, if you feel like God has gotten you to a point where you are willing to help others with your experience.

Go ahead and leave your thoughts in the comments. If you would like to share, but would only like to share with me in private, go ahead and send me a personal email at divorcetohealing@gmail.com and I will keep your comments between us.

Ask God what He would have you share. You may have an insight that could change the life for someone just like you, a person forever changed by the pain of divorce.

I want to say thank you in advance. I know this may be tough for some people. God has brought some of you to a place where you are ready to share your thoughts. He has given you a testimony in how He has helped you gain wisdom and peace through your healing process. Now is a great time to share your thoughts.

Thank you all for taking a few moments to give me a greater look into what it takes to handle the first 7 days of a divorce. I don’t take it lightly. I appreciate each and every one of you.

Be blessed!!

YouVersion Bible App Reading Plans:
31 Days: http://bit.ly/2DNy6E6
7 Days: http://bit.ly/2DTHQwD

Book: http://amzn.to/2ctwjHp

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Divorce and Remarriage Resources

I am sure many of you have questions on what the bible says about divorce and remarriage. So many people have heard bits and pieces of verses, taken verses out of context, or just try to make God’s word fit to justify a decision.

Below I would like to share some resources I have reviewed recently. I will share a little at the end of my opinion on the material and the sources.

Here is a podcast from Dr Michael Heiser, PHD titled “The Naked Bible Podcast“.  He is considered one of the top, if not the top, biblical scholars in the world today.

The two episodes I reviewed were:

#316: Divorce and Remarriage in the Old Testament

and

#318: Divorce and Remarriage in the New Testament

Both of these podcast episodes have just recently been released near the end of March 2020.

These episodes do dig deep into the Greek & Hebrew texts and they are on the academic side. For some they may seem rather scholarly, but follow along with the verses shared in your bible to help bring God’s word to life through this study.

Two books that the guest (Rev Dr David Instone-Brewer) referred to:

Marriage and Divorce in the Bible by Jay E Adams

and

Marriage and Divorce in the Church by Jay E Adams.

Dr Instone-Brewer has also created a website called Divorce-Remarriage.com that provides a lot more to consider on this topic. I have not researched the whole website, but the quick summary of the two books mentioned above is posted below and can be of great value:

(from Divorce-Remarriage.com)

The conclusions:

  • The Bible’s message for those suffering within marriage is both realistic and loving
  • Marriage should be lifelong, but broken marriage vows can be grounds for divorce
  • Biblical grounds for divorce include adultery, abuse and abandonment
  • Jesus urged forgiveness but allowed divorce for repeated unrepentant breaking of marriage vows
  • Only the victim, not the perpetrator of such sins, should decide when or whether to divorce
  • Anyone who divorces on biblical grounds or who is divorced against their will can remarry.

Very quick summary:

This book interprets the words of Jesus and Paul through the eyes of first century readers who knew about the ‘Any Cause’ divorce which Jesus was asked about (“Is it lawful to divorce for ‘Any Cause’” – Mt.19.3). Christians in following generations forgot about the ‘Any Cause’ divorce and misunderstood Jesus.

The ‘Any Cause’ divorce was invented by some Pharisees who divided up the phrase “a cause of indecency” (Dt.24.1) into two grounds for divorce: “indecency” (porneia which they interpreted as ‘Adultery’) and “a cause” (ie ‘Any Cause’). Jesus said the phrase could not be split up and that it meant “nothing except porneia“. Although almost everyone was using this new type of divorce, Jesus told them that it was invalid, so remarriage was adulterous because they were still married.

The Old Testament allowed divorce for the breaking of marriage vows, including neglect and abuse, based on Exod.21.10f. Jesus was not asked about these biblical grounds for divorce, though Paul alluded to them in 1Cor.7 as the basis of marriage obligations. This book argues that God never repealed these biblical grounds for divorce based on broken marriage vows. They were exemplified by Christ (according to Eph.5.28f) and they became the basis of Christian marriage vows (love, honour, and keep).

Of course, I highly suggest that you counsel with your pastor or care ministry that can give you additional help and direction in this difficult time. Don’t take this as any final answer. God will give you His wisdom as you seek it with those around you that will lead you to God and His word on the subject.

When all is said and done, you and you alone will be held accountable for your decisions and actions surrounding divorce and remarriage. This is just a good starting point to help you as you seek God and His face on your next step.

Be blessed!!

YouVersion Bible App Reading Plans:
31 Days: http://bit.ly/2DNy6E6
7 Days: http://bit.ly/2DTHQwD

Book: http://amzn.to/2ctwjHp

 

 

 

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Coronavirus (COVID-19) and Divorce

How in the world can you handle all of the craziness of a global pandemic, with all of the demands on your family from homeschooling and mask-making to locating toilet paper and working from home (or being laid off)? Now add the stress and logistics of a divorce to the mix? How on earth can anyone even ATTEMPT to handle all of this?

If anyone has the answers, they are lying!!!

SO, why should I even attempt to write down my thoughts on this subject?

I am no disease specialist. I do not have a degree in epidemiology. I am no way an economist, front line healthcare worker, governmental representative, or even a counselor.

What I am is a person who has been where you are; having to deal with too much stuff while trying to navigate my life and attempting to heal from a divorce.

It would be a monumental feat for me to share practical and redundant information on COVID-19. That is why your local, state, and national governmental bodies were created. From the CDC to your local doctors and healthcare professionals, they can give you the best information on anything and everything you need to know on the virus.

What they cannot do is speak to you about what really matters; the health of your soul.

With all that is going on, the health of your soul is the most important thing, in my opinion.

In my own hometown, calls to the police for domestic violence are up 20% over last year for last month (March 2020). While many families are coming closer together during this difficult time, many others are fighting and hurting each other at an alarming rate.

Our souls (mind, will, and emotions) are hurting, confused, and just plain tired. They are being torn down by so many different factors, not the least being our financial situations, the media, elderly parents that won’t stay at home, or our own family getting on our nerves.

For the most part, what is attacking our souls is not something physical. It is our own thoughts and fears about what is currently going on and what is to come. It is being attacked by our thoughts towards one another and not knowing where the next paycheck is coming from.

These are all valid and need to be acknowledged, but they need to be retaliated against. Just not in a physical way.

You never attack the wind with a sword. The wind comes and goes as it pleases. It changes direction and intensity at will. We can try to predict how strong it will be and from what direction, but even that is futile at times.

So how do you handle the “wind” coming against you?

You put up a wind turbine and allow the wind to create energy for you!!

Just like fire, wind can do good and do bad. It can destroy a building itself by crushing it with a large tree. It can cause waves that crash upon a dike that may break and flood whole communities. Wind can carry debris during a hurricane or tornado that could cause death and destruction beyond our wildest imaginations.

It can also provide electricity when driving the blades of a huge wind turbine. It can propel a sailboat through a beautiful channel of islands in the Caribbean. It can bring refreshing on a hot day as you lay by a pool, reading a book.

The wind of circumstance for both the pandemic and divorce have 2 things in common; it can bring forth death & destruction or it can bring peace and energy to move forward.

So how can you protect your soul during this time of corona virus and divorce?

(1) Find a hiding place

We have all heard of the social distancing and stay at home orders. It works for the spread of the virus.

When you are needing a hiding place for your soul during divorce, find it in the person of Jesus and His word (the bible).

Psalm 32:7  You are a hiding place for me; you preserve me from trouble; you surround me with shouts of deliverance. Selah (Pause. Take a moment and let the passage above speak to you)

A hiding place allows you protection as well as giving you a place to gain strength for what is to come next. It is in our hiding place where we can either grow or fall apart. It is all a decision on how you address the time and how you use that time while you are there.

(2) Be cautious

Wear a mask. Stay 6 feet away from other people. Do not be in a group of more 10 people.

When divorce becomes a part of our lives, we need to be careful who we hand around. Family can be as much of a hindrance as a help, if they are not speaking life to you. Doing things and going places with those who just want to make you “feel good’ only cause more damage and destruction for your soul.

Spend time with Godly people, those willing to speak life and not death to you and your situation. Pastors, counselors (Christian or Christian-friendly), friends, and family that encourage you to seek God are the ones that will feed our soul instead of tearing it down.

Deuteronomy 12:28  Be careful to obey all these words that I command you, that it may go well with you and with your children after you forever, when you do what is good and right in the sight of the Lord your God.

God will protect you and provide the wisdom you need during this time in ways you may never ever know. Only days, month and years down the road may you see how following God’s ways have kept you from harm and helped your soul heal.

3) Plan to come out

With wisdom from the healthcare and business professionals, we will emerge from the isolation from this pandemic. It needs to be a plan with much consideration for the health of all people and our country as a whole.

There will come that day when your soul will be able to move forward with God’s help and wisdom. It will be a time of uncertainty and apprehension, but He will be with you every step of the way, if you let Him.

Jeremiah 29:11  For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

I know that this verse is one of the most quoted verses in the Bible, but I felt it fit better than all of the others. God does have a plan for you. Your challenge is to bring your soul in alignment with that plan. From there, God will guide you out in wisdom and with peace.

4) Walk in faith

The day is coming soon (if it hasn’t already) when we will be asked to leave our isolation and return to work, return to school, and return to living lives outside of our homes. It may look different for quite a while, yet we need to move on with what needs to be done to move forward.

Our soul will grow stronger as we exercise it; moving out from our hiding place into the next chapter in our life. God will give you the strength and encouragement to move on. You may not think you are ready (usually nobody thinks that), but God is calling you out into His marvelous light.

2 Corinthians 5:7  for we walk by faith, not by sight.

Another popular verse, yet it so relevant to our situation. When we step out after divorce, we can’t see what will happen. We have no idea how things may turn out, but I know how does.

Jesus.

He is the One who is, who was, and who is to come. He knows the beginning from the end, not just for all of humanity, but for you!!

He knows you intimately and can see what you cannot see. Walk with Him in faith as He shows you all that He is doing for you now.

Step out, holding His hand as you are encouraged with the support of Godly friends and family. He will be there for you, no matter what.

My prayer for you is that you find Jesus through all of this in a new and healthy way. May His healing power heal our bodies and our souls during this difficult time.

Be blessed!!

If you are interested in any free resources (book for sale, if desired) to help you as you proceed through the healing process of divorce, here are a couple of Reading Plans I wrote for the YouVersion Bible App.

The links to those plans and my book are below:

YouVersion Bible App Reading Plans:
31 Days: http://bit.ly/2DNy6E6
7 Days: http://bit.ly/2DTHQwD

Book: http://amzn.to/2ctwjHp

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