The Healing Triangle

Think about a triangle. Any triangle. It may have different lengths and odd angles. It may be large or small. It may look different to each person, depending on how they look at it. Yet, there are certain characteristics of a triangle that each one has that are the same:

  1. They all started at a specific point.
  2. They all are created with 3 sides.
  3. They all end up at the original point, but from a different point of view.

There is a point in our life when things become extremely difficult and life-changing like divorce. There needs to be a change. We need to move away from that point. We need to create movement away from that specific point.

It is not easy. It takes energy and a decision to move forward. But what direction do I need to move? What if I head in the wrong direction?

I may present an unpopular point here, and I may take a little flack with it, but I think in the end it really doesn’t matter. What matters is that you move away from that point, in ANY direction.

Make a decision to move on, and then start moving.

Think about how you would draw a triangle. You start with your pen or pencil on a specific point and than you move away from that point in a straight line. Just get moving. Go. Move away from it. It is time to leave that point, and it starts with the decision and movement.

Create the first side of your healing triangle.

But you may ask, what if I head in the wrong direction? Ultimately, it doesn’t really matter. What actually matters is that you start creating something new. Get moving.

When do you stop moving in that direction? It is different for everyone.

Just like every triangle can look different, so will your triangle. If you want that first side to be long to get as far away as you can from the specific point you are leaving, that is fine.

Sometimes the hurt and pain will cause you to head in a certain direction longer that others. You are on a journey that is meant only for you. You are unique and your healing will look different than anyone else’s healing.

There will come a time when you get tired of just moving away from that painful time in your life. You will realize that you are far enough away and it is time to make a shift. It may be to the left, it may be to the right.

Does it matter which way I turn? Again, it is your decision.

At this new point, it DOES matter which way you turn. You have to turn. You can’t just keep running away from that painful point.

You will come to the realization that if you just keep running from it, you will never be able to heal from it. You must be able to see that point from a different perspective. You need to start creating the second side of your healing triangle, and you must choose to turn right or left.

There are only two directions to choose from, right or left. Which direction will you take?

One direction leads you in a positive direction, one that will lead you to seek what good can come from your current situation. The other direction leads you in negative direction, one that will lead you down a path of negativity and an unhealthy mindset towards what happened and where you will ultimately end up.

Don’t make that decision without truly understanding which way you should turn. It will make a world of difference in the rest of your life. How will you heal from that point in your life that you would rather forget about and put behind you?

It does matter which way you turn. You will understand in a minute, how important this decision is and how it will change your whole life moving forward.

You are creating your first angle with this turn. Here is your next decision and another specific point in your life. It will change the direction of your life.

Choose Jesus. Choose the path towards the only one who can help you make sense of what happened. Choose the direction towards understanding and peace. Trust me. It is the best direction.

Yet, the decision is yours. When you truly see how much your life will be affected by taking the positive direction and how your healing triangle comes together, you will look back at this next specific point where you shifted your direction and be thankful you did.

You are now heading in a new direction. What kind of angle did you take?

A triangle is created by 3 angles and 3 sides.

The angle determines two things:

  1. Your commitment and trust to the healing process.
  2. Your faith in the healing process which determines how long it will take to heal.

Think about your healing triangle again. You are now creating that second side. You have committed to a change of direction, but at what angle?

Are you still heading away from that painful point in your life? Are you still running? Are you moving sideways, not wanting to hurt, but realizing that you need to stop running so you can address the pain before losing any more time?

Did you realize that the only way to move on is to take a sharp angle towards the understanding and truth that Jesus has for you? Do you trust Him and not yourself for the healing? The sharper the angle towards God will bring greater healing in a shorter time frame.

You can decide how long your healing will take by how sharp of an angle you take towards God and the healing He has for you.

Think about it. If you take a shallow angle and just put a little faith and commitment into your healing, you will end up having a much longer way to travel back to complete your healing triangle.

In order to complete a triangle, the second side leads to the second angle. That second angle is what you need to head towards completing your triangle.

The first angle determines your second angle.

The length of the second side (time spent before creating your second angle) is also a choice. How long do you want your second side to be? Everyone’s healing triangle is unique. It does take time. Don’t sweat it. Everyone’s healing times are different. Just don’t take forever to make your final decision. You will never complete your triangle until you do.

There will come that time when you are ready to look back at your original starting point because you want to complete your healing triangle, the healing process.

Here is where all of your decisions up to this point (the length of the first side, your decision to turn left or right, degree of that first angle, the length of the second side) all factor into the next step.

As you look back at that painful point in your life, you need to go back there to complete your healing triangle. Let me explain:

You need to be able to see what happened to you from a different perspective.

Your first angle determines how far you still have to go to complete your triangle. It also determines how sharp of an angle you now need to take in order to complete your triangle as well.

How long you took until you decided to turn (your second side) and face your past with a new perspective determines how much more time you have to complete your triangle.

Are you ready? Have you decided it is time to address the pain from a new perspective?

Let’s back up to your first angle: Did you take right turn? Did you choose the correct direction to turn? Are you heading back towards your painful past with understand, truth, and peace you received in the healing process from God? Did you make the wrong turn?

Before you finally connect the dots and complete your triangle, make sure you are seeing your pain through the grace, mercy, love, acceptance, healing, peace, and understanding of the only one who can heal a broken heart :Jesus!!

If you took the wrong turn, that is ok. Stop. Turn back. Return to where you made the wrong decision and create a new angle. Do it more than once if needed.

You need to see your pain from a positive direction with the eyes of God if you are ever going to fully and completely be healed from your pain. Trust me. It is the only way you will fully be able to move on without the baggage and unresolved issues that divorce or other painful event has caused you.

Did you take a positive, Godly angle when you were done running? Are you ready to complete your triangle?

Realize that whatever angle you took and the length of time you spent before making your second angle doesn’t really matter in the scheme of healing. It may add time and some uncomfortable times before you complete, but you are doing it; YOU ARE HEALING!!

Make the decision to head back to that painful point. With your new Godly perspective, make your second angle and connect the dots.

See your pain through God’s eyes. You can’t change it. It happened. It was painful.

As you complete your triangle, it may still hurt, but as you close your triangle know that healing is being completed. It may not feel like it, but it is. God is healing you. You decided how long and at what angles your healing took, but God brought you back here; to the point of your pain.

Complete your triangle. Let God hold your hand as you complete it. Ask Him to heal you completely as you trust Him to finish the work.

It is ok to shed tears. It is ok to still not understand why. It is ok. You will be ok.

You took the angle that led towards God and brought you back to the most painful point of your life with a fresh, Godly perspective; one that includes truth, peace, and understanding.

You are healed. Thank Him for healing you.

Give God the glory as you now move forward into all that He has for you.

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” — Romans 8:28

Be blessed!!

YouVersion Bible App Reading Plans:
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Prayer Project: Day 11 “Thankfulness”

Day 11: “Thankfulness  When you can see and be thankful for the things you still have left, it will allow you to realize that things aren’t as bad as they could be.  Be thankful for what you have, because you may be surprised.

Resource list:

Divorce to Healing: 31 Days of Healing and Wholeness Reading Plan

Divorce to Healing: Survive and Thrive Reading Plan

Divorce to Healing Blog

Divorce to Healing: 31 Days of Healing and Wholeness Book

Thankfulness

I know it hurts….I know some days, all you want to do is take a breath….some days you might want to not even do that….

A year ago, a friend of mine lost his battle with cancer. He left a wife with 6 children, from college age to a 1-year-old. How can life be so cruel? How can the pain go beyond what you can handle?

This week, my wife had a friend at work who lost her husband to cancer. She has another that is ready to as well. Why? Does any explanation even matter, since it rarely brings any kind of peace or understanding?

I continue to have friends give up on their marriages and feel that the grass on the other side is better or having to deal with a spouse that did….some days I wonder why I even speak my mind.

When we get to points in our lives and are hanging on by hangnails because our fingernails have all but worn out, what next?

THANKFULNESS

No amount of advice or counseling can do what thankfulness does.

When you can give thanks in the midst of your trials and your pain, you are choosing to put your pain aside to recognize what you have, not what you have lost.

It may sound too simple, but let me reassure you it is not easy. If you are thinking that you can heal from any kind of pain without being thankful, especially the loss of a loved one or a marriage, than you are mistaken.

Take a few minutes right now and grab a notepad or your journal. I would like you to do something for yourself.

Make a list of all the things you can think of that you have that you are thankful for still having. Do you have children, even though you may now be a single parent? Do you have a job, even though you will need to move to a cheaper home or apartment? Do you still have those friends that are standing with you through thick and thin, even though your best friend(s) may have left you?

If you cannot come up with at least 10 things you can put on your list, let me give you 10. Maybe you will just need help to start, but take this seriously. You can come up with a lot of things you can be thankful for including;

Life, breath, peace, family, friends, parents, children, health, job, wisdom, insight, relationships, church family, hobbies, nature, etc…

If you have not done your list of at least 10, stop and go back and do it. You will need it to move on to the next point I want to make. Please, it is vital to your healing……

Next, I want you to find a place where you can be alone and quiet for a few minutes. Read your list OUT LOUD.(Very important). Read them out loud in this manner, “I am thankful for _________________.” Stop and really think about that person/thing that you have written down. Why are you thankful for them? Why did you write those down?

Now take your list and make at least 2 other copies of it. Condense them if you need onto a smaller 5×7 card, notepad sheet, etc… Why 2 more copies? Just trust me..

Are you done with the last point? If you are ready, then I am going to ask you to make a choice to do one of 2 things. Every choice we make has consequences, so decide wisely.

Take your lists and hold them in your hand. Now, decide to be thankful for everything you wrote on those lists, DAILY!!! How you are going to do this is to place these three lists in three different locations. I would place one with your bible, place one on your bathroom mirror, and place the other one at your job where you will see it every day. Will you do that?

By seeing what you are thankful for each and every day you will have something to hold onto, something to show you that will forever change without you!!!

Take a few minutes whenever you see these lists to stop and just thank God for the people and things on your lists. He already knows them, but wants you to realize how important they are and that they are actually blessings from Him to you.

Do you know why they are blessings? Because He thought enough to give them to you and entrust them to you. They are important to you, but they are even more important to Him. They are what connects you to Him in this time of heartache and pain.

So what is the other choice? Simple. With those lists in your hand, get up and go over to the trashcan and throw them away. Simple, right?

Be thankful for what you have. Someone is thankful they have you, especially God.

 

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