So many times, people are controlled by the patterns that have been established in their lives.  Good or bad, it seems like we can’t shake the bad ones for the life of us.  From bad physical habits to ongoing relationship issues, it feels like our lives can operate on auto-pilot with no off ramp to get away from them.

The most destructive pattern I had to overcome was my inability to communicate. I was that guy who just clammed up, especially whenever there was conflict.  I would rather say nothing than to share my real feelings because I thought not hurting the other person actually made things better.  Little did I know that they wanted me to be honest, and vocal!!

How frustrating it had to have been to look at a guy just staring at the floor, wall, or them with what seemed like superglue on my lips.  As badly as I wanted to, I just couldn’t open my mouth.  I tried to blame my upbringing, but that is just an excuse.  My folks loved me and did their best to raise me right, and they did a great job.  I just don’t know why I did it.  I think because of fear of what may happen next, I just chose to sit silently by, and watch my marriage fall apart.  My communication issues were not the main reason of the marriage failure, but I can tell you it sure didn’t help matters any!!

My pattern of not communicating was a destructive pattern.  Just like a healthy habit of working out and eating a healthy diet will create a healthy body, an unhealthy personality trait will cause your relationship to be unhealthy.

What kind of destructive patterns do you have right now?  Can you be real and honest with yourself to admit you need to change them?

In 1 Chronicles 28:11-18 (NASB), David passes on God’s plans for the temple he is to build to Solomon, right down to the utensils.  And then he says this in verse 19:

“All this, “said David, “the Lord made me understand in writing by His hand upon me, all the details of this pattern.”

Our God is a god of order.  My pastor says it this way, “Where order is restored, blessing is released.”

When we finally decide to turn our bad patterns in for good ones, you will start to heal from the consequences of those bad patterns you have held on to for far too long.  But just like my workout routine, if I am not consistent, I won’t see the results of that decision I made to change.  I will end up falling right into the same old pattern that is killing me.

Paul writes in the book of Philippians 3:13b-14 (NASB):

“…, forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

And then he finishes with verse 17:

Brethren, join in following my example, and observe those who walk according to the pattern you have in us.”  There is that word again.

If you are like me, you need a little direction and encouragement to figure out how to do this.  Well, as you have probably already figured out if you have been with us for a while here at Divorce to Healing, I am no expert.  I am just a guy who has been there, just like you.  I can help you get started, but the real transformation happens when you totally surrender to all that God has for you through Jesus and letting His Holy Spirit guide you.

Here is where you can start —

Romans 12:2  (NASB)  “Therefore, I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

If you are totally honest with God and willing to let Him lead you with your every thought, word and deed, He will guide you and help you to eliminate the bad patterns in your life and establish new healthy patterns in your life.

I have a few other resources if you would like some additional encouragement:

YouVersion Bible App Reading Plans:
31 Days:
7 Days:


My prayer is that you live for all that He has for you!!

Be blessed!!


Sometimes things just happen.  Sometimes you can fix the damage.  Sometimes there is a death.  Sometimes you walk away praising God that He protected you.

Today I heard a message from my pastor that wrecked me, in a good way.  It opened my eyes to things from my past that has caused pain and issues in my past relationships.  I can honestly say God protected me in ways I can only see now, many years later.  In other ways, He brought up issues in my recent past and my present that I still need to deal with moving forward.

How do you handle the ‘wrecks’ of life?  If you are reading this blog, chances are it is the wreck of divorce or separation that has brought you here.  How are you handling it?

Are you sitting in the wreck, awake but in severe need of rescue?  Are you in pain and needing rehabilitation?  Are you recovering, but scared of what the future holds or if you ever want to get back in another vehicle (relationship)?  Wherever you are, it is ok.  God is with you, He loves you, and He wants to help you.

I wonder sometimes how many of you would want me to tell you to do more, give you more specific advice, and provide more direction.  I feel at times I need to do a better job of that, and I will.  My plan is to post more detailed encouragements and helps in the future.

I do believe that God wants to tell you Himself, in the perfect way that only He can do.  You will NEVER get any advice from any human being that is greater than the wisdom God can give.  I don’t care how many initials are after the person’s name, how many degrees and awards they have, or how high their IQ/EQ shows up on a test.

Job 12:13 (NLT)   “But true wisdom and power are found in God; counsel and understanding are his.”

I am always humbled by how many people I have been able to help over the years through leading marriage and divorce groups, providing Divorce to Healing Reading Plans on the YouVersion Bible app, and private discussions with people to help them out and on from the wrecks in their lives.  And that is why I feel wrecked now.

I realized today that I need to double, triple, and infinitely double down on what God has called me to do, which is to help those that need help at one of the toughest times in their life.  I will and I must because like you, God is calling me out of the wreck.  He is calling us all to move closer to Him and into what He has for us.

I am so looking forward to our futures together.  Take a few minutes and ask God where you are in the process of healing.  Ask Him what the next steps need to be.  Move into what He has for you, even if at this moment is to get over the shock of the wreck, unbuckle your seat belt, and survey the damage.

How can I help you in this process?  Feel free to leave me a comment and I will do my best to respond in person as soon as I can.

PRAYER:  Father God, may we all reach towards your helping and healing hands in this time of wreckage and damage.  We give you our lives and ask that you lead us today into the next step of the plan you have for us.

Be blessed!!

YouVersion Bible App Reading Plans:
31 Days:
7 Days:


Blog at

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: