A Song Story

So many times while we proceed down the road to healing from divorce, you wonder about so many things. You wonder so much sometimes that it makes you question your own existence.

This is a story behind the amazing song, “Wanted”, recently released by Danny Gokey. He and the co-songwriter provide so much insight and wisdom for everyone to help them through the hard times. I don’t know what else I can add.

Here is the full video:

God loves you.

You are Wanted.

Be blessed.

YouVersion Bible App Reading Plans:
31 Days: http://bit.ly/2DNy6E6
7 Days: http://bit.ly/2DTHQwD

Book: http://amzn.to/2ctwjHp




A friend of mine (Matt Anderson) shared this from a Facebook post by Kari Stephens Perkins with Get Up & Get Real Ministry. Not sure if she is the original creator, but wanted to share where I got it from.

The hardest part of healing is accepting the fact that you have wounds that are more than superficial. Someone gashed you and hurt you beyond what you could ever imagine. You did not enter into a relationship expecting to end up like this, and you should not have. Yet, here you are.

This is serious business!! Hurt people hurt people!!

Don’t become that person that refuses to do what it takes to heal, only to project your pain, damage, and issues on someone else who doesn’t deserve it.

How does it make you feel when someone else doesn’t just dump on you, but attacks you in a way you know does not fit their real personality? It is unfair to you and to themselves. They don’t want to attack like that, but the pain is eating away at them and they are turning it upon others instead of dealing with the root issues.

Do the hard work. Get to the root of the issues that have caused you the damage to your soul. It will take time, most times must longer than you may want it to take, but it is worth it.


I am not a counselor. I am not a pastor. I am not a savior. I am not qualified.

Find the ones who are qualified. Find a counselor, a pastor, and a savior.

The following statement is being said in love. If you know me, you will understand it is meant to share with you what I believe you need, not what you may want:

If you don’t have others involved in your healing process, it is my belief that not only are you trying to take the easy way out, you are robbing yourself of a testimony and a real true healing that allows you to walk in strength through peace for the rest of your life.

The very first person you need is Jesus!!! Of course, He is God. He is also a person. He became human to experience pain and suffering as we do. He knows the ultimate betrayals, wounds, and physical destruction unto death unlike anyone else in all of eternity.

You need a real, raw, complete relationship with Jesus.

If you are confusing a relationship with Jesus with a ministry, church, or organization, then you are going to be disappointed. Jesus never fails. Jesus never leaves you or forsakes you.

By the power of the Holy Spirit, He brings everything you need when you fully surrender your whole life (wounds and all) to Him. He brings comfort, peace, joy, healing, wholeness, love, and everything you must have in order to receive a complete healing.

I am not bashing the church, ministries, or other religious organizations. Just know that they are filled with humans (just like you & I), imperfect and needing help. They do the best they can. They want to be there for you. Give them some grace and mercy during the process.

Without Jesus and a total focus on His Word and His Holy Spirit, you are missing the most important part of the healing from the only one who can heal a broken heart.

Spend time alone with Jesus. Study His Word. Pray that God reveals real love to you, not a human’s definition or representation of love. Allow Him the time to stitch up the wounds caused from a relationship lost. True healing takes time and patience.

Find a Christian counselor that understands how important Jesus is in the healing process. If they trust a human process over God’s process, they are the wrong counselor (sorry, but let’s get real). Why trust a man over God? They should bring all the gifts that they have been given along with their training and knowledge to the table, but they should give all the glory and authority to Jesus and the Holy Spirit, who ultimately does the healing.

It is understandable that when relationships go bad people are looking for change or want to find a new church. In many ways, it can be healthy to do that, but don’t leave a life-giving, Bible-preaching, spirit-filled, loving church just because you are hurt. Meet with the pastors or a care partner to express your feelings and determine the best course of action.

Just leaving a church because it will be difficult is not a reason. Neither is you feeling like you have a big ‘D’ on your forehead (that was me) when you gather for worship or a group.

You are there for God, not for what others think. You are there to lift His name on high, not give others something to gossip about this week. You are there for your relationship with the Almighty, not for the one who thought they were the almighty.

Leaving your current church and groups may rob you of just the ones that God wants to use to help you heal. Who knows how they will rally around you and support you in prayer. They can be a resource as you get back on your feet.

My wife and I used to lead an amazing divorce recovery group at our church  called DivorceCare. Not only can you sign up for a daily encouragement, you can join a group that is a sound, biblical group that ends up helping each other as much or more than the curriculum does. Your church may have a similar group as well.

Most of all, have a support group of family and friends that love Jesus and what He wants, complete and total wholeness through that healing that only the Healer gives. Find those that don’t pull you down, but lift you up.

Trust the process, but the RIGHT process. God’s process!!

Psalms 51:17 ESV

17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

Psalm 147:3 ESV

3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Be blessed.

YouVersion Bible App Reading Plans:
31 Days: http://bit.ly/2DNy6E6
7 Days: http://bit.ly/2DTHQwD

Book: http://amzn.to/2ctwjHp





Healing a Broken Heart

They say that ‘time heals all wounds’. Sorry to tell you this, but that is a load of fertilizer!!! (PG)

A sprained ankle takes 5-14 days to heal. A broken leg takes 6-8 weeks to heal. A heart attack takes 2-3 months to heal. A stoke takes 3-24 months to heal, sometimes not completely.

How long does it take to heal a broken heart? When does the pain end? Will I ever feel good again?

broken heart (also known as a heartbreak or heartache) is a term metaphor for the intense emotional—and sometimes physical—stress or pain one feels at experiencing great longing. The concept is cross-cultural, often cited with reference to a desired or lost lover, and dates back at least 3,000 years. Emotional pain that is severe can cause ‘broken heart syndrome’, including physical damage to the heart. ~~~ Wikipedia

Physical healing takes many forms, depending on the injury/disease that needs to be addressed. From doctors and nurses to fluids and gauze, things must be addressed with the final result in mind. There is a plan, a course of action showing the way to the desired result; healing.

“The oxygen (air) and nutrients (food) that new blood carries to the wound are crucial to the healing process. By improving circulation and blood flow, more healing nutrients and oxygen reach the cells.”~~ Blood, Oxygen, & Wound Healing – UnityPoint Health

When it comes to physical healing, the importance of blood flow and the blood itself cannot be understated. Without blood, it will not survive.

Blood is made up of:

  1. Red blood cells – carries oxygen throughout the body
  2. White blood cells – fight infections
  3. Platelets – cells that help you stop bleeding if you get cut
  4. Plasma – a yellowish liquid that carries nutrients, hormones, and proteins throughout the body

You can now see how important the blood is to the life of a body, especially if it is hurting and wounded, or diseased and dying.

Just like a healthy physical heart pumps life-giving blood to the physical body, so does a healthy spiritual heart pump live-changing blood to our soul. When our heart is not healthy (ie broken), the rest of our body (soul) suffers and begins to die. WE NEED OPEN HEART SURGERY!!!

Jesus, our Great Physician, has a plan for healing the broken heart. You need to approve his OPEN heart surgery. You need to allow Him to be the One that fixes your heart. He needs you to sign the consent form, and trust Him to do the work.

Romans 10:9  If you openly declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. NLT

The plan for healing is to increase the blood flow to the broken heart. It needs the life-changing blood of Jesus to heal completely.

Spiritual blood is made up of:

  1. The Breathe of God – carries oxygen to the soul
  2. The Protection of God – fights invasions from the enemy (infections of the soul)
  3. The Mercy of God – helps your soul to stop bleeding in case you get hurt again
  4. The Word of God – carries the food, growth and strength throughout the soul

Can you heal from a broken heart without Jesus?

You may be able to get relief from pain and loneliness, move on to the next relationship, and tell yourself you are ok.  Having gone through 2 divorces and with over 12 years of care ministry to those going through the divorce process, I can honestly say that those who surrendered completely to the full healing process of Jesus came through their divorce with the greatest ability to move forward in life successfully. Healed and whole.

I’m not saying it is all going to be rainbows and bubble gum. It is hard. It is tough. It may take years. Trust in the only healing that will bring complete and total restoration. Who wants to limp through life with a super-glued heart that has a murmur and only 3 working chambers?

No physical treatment program can fully and completely heal a broken heart. Don’t trust some friend who says to just get back in the saddle. Would you trust them to do open heart surgery on you physically? Why would you trust them to attempt to perform open heart surgery on your broken heart that is a part of your soul?

Only the Creator of the heart can heal a broken heart.

Open your heart. Give him control. Give it time. Be patient. Let the Great Physician do what only He can do.

Click HERE for “Divorce to Healing; Survive and Thrive” and share with those that would appreciate the help it provides.

Process of Time


It is said that time heals all wounds. In my opinion, the process of time helps the healing process, but that is not what heals. Seeking wisdom on the correct path to fix the issues and following through with that wisdom is what will bring the healing, in the process of time.

If you break your arm, you wouldn’t just say “I’ll be ok. Time will heal it.”. Wrong. You will end up with an arm which tries to heal, but the bones are not set together and held tight by a cast so it can heal correctly. You may eventually not have pain, but you will have an arm that is much weaker and will be easier to break again in the future.

When we gain the wisdom of doctors for physical healing, they know that they must reset the bones as close together sometimes inserting screws to hold them together so that when the body heals (in the process of time) it will be as strong as it can be. It may never be as strong as it originally was, but if healed correctly, it will be usable again and able to withstand whatever comes next.

When we just move on from divorce and do not discover true wisdom on how to heal a broken heart, you are just expecting it to heal. It doesn’t work that way. It is like breaking your arm and not seeing the doctor. You are at a much higher risk of your heart being broken again and again because it never healed correctly.

One of the most vivid images I had when I was struggling through my own healing was what I felt was an open heart surgery. The image was of a huge slice all way from my neck to my stomach, and the scar that came from it. I had given all my hurt, pain, feelings, emotions, stress, and expectations to God and told Him to heal my heart. But it left a huge scar. I have it to this day. The scar of divorce.

Now, before you think that I despise the scar, I see it for what it is. An event that happened. And the scar is just proof of that.

Am I healed? Yes, thank you, Jesus!! Does it still hurt? No. Does the scar remind me of the greatest healing ever in my life? YESSSS!!!!

The scar is not a bad thing. When I realized that the consequences of an open heart surgery to fix my heart was a leftover scar, I came to grips with it. I now see it as a daily reminder of the amazing healing that has happened and that I can now share my testimony of my healing to many others. I can encourage them to know that healing is available, if they are willing to do what it takes to fix the issue (broken heart) not just letting it heal on it’s own. It will never heal correctly and be a heart that will not have the strength to handle the job of pumping life through your body if you don’t get the help you need.

Of course, through the process of time, things seem to get better. My point is that without dealing with the real problems, you will never heal fully and you will be more susceptible to pain and suffering in the future. Going through a divorce is already painful enough. Do what it takes now to make it better later.

It is so great to see people, even after only a few weeks of surrendering to the process and getting real help, experiencing real change that can be seen by those around them. They may not see or feel it, but others can. We are usually the last ones to see and feel the change in ourselves that others see in us.

The process of time will bring forth the healing, as you are faithful to do what it takes to attain healing and wholeness through the One who is the only one that can repair a broken heart. His name is Doctor Jesus, and He knows how to fix your heart.

My heart is healed and whole. It doesn’t hurt anymore.

But I still have a scar. And I am fine with that.

A free devotional called “Divorce to Healing: 31 Days of Healing and Wholeness” is available to all my readers here.

You can order you own copy of the book, “Divorce to Healing: 31 Days of Healing and Wholeness” from Amazon here.

I Have A Heavy Heart

"Nine Minutes After Sundown." Photo from 1,500' over Decatur Island, looking to the Southwest, Lopez Island, and the Olympic Peninsula. Photo by Jeffery A. Lustick

I have such a heavy heart right now.

You think that after almost 14 years after my second divorce that I would finally have the healing and wholeness that God wants me to have. You would think that I would have changed and grown in every part of my life to the point that divorce and all the pain and hurt that comes from it could not or should not affect me any more.

Well,…………I was wrong!! 😦


God has brought me total and complete healing in virtually every part of my whole being. Actually to be honest, I AM completely healed from all that happened to me. But, God saw fit to leave a deposit behind in me. And I am not sure if I am up for the task.

I am sitting here in tears as I am trying everything I can to help a good friend and brother in Christ deal with all he is going through.  I just want to give him a hug. One of those, “It gets better” or “I know because I have been there” kind of hugs. But I can’t.

I pray and pray and pray for God to reveal Himself to my friend and show him that he is loved, by the only One who IS love!!!

I ask God to give me the words to speak life to him. How can a mere mortal, as well-meaning and experienced as I am, compare to what he really needs? He needs a healed heart. A healed soul. Real hope.

What I just realized is that divorce has changed me forever.

God left me with a scarred heart. It is fully healed, but it shows the wounds and the proof of prior battles.

God left me with a tender heart. It is sensitive to the touch for those dealing with divorce. It hurts when they hurt; it bleeds when they bleed.

God has left me with a hopeful heart. It is praying that the only true hope called Jesus Christ can reach you, me, and all those needing hope.

God has left me with a joyful heart. It is thankful for all that He has done in my life; the healing that only God can give and the wholeness that lets me carry on for one more day, living a life of purpose.

God has left me with a heart…………for you.

Pray for my friend as I pray for all of you.

A free devotional called “Divorce to Healing: 31 Days of Healing and Wholeness” is available to all my readers here.

You can order you own copy of the book, “Divorce to Healing: 31 Days of Healing and Wholeness” from Amazon here.

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