I Have A Heavy Heart

"Nine Minutes After Sundown." Photo from 1,500' over Decatur Island, looking to the Southwest, Lopez Island, and the Olympic Peninsula. Photo by Jeffery A. Lustick

I have such a heavy heart right now.

You think that after almost 14 years after my second divorce that I would finally have the healing and wholeness that God wants me to have. You would think that I would have changed and grown in every part of my life to the point that divorce and all the pain and hurt that comes from it could not or should not affect me any more.

Well,…………I was wrong!! 😦

 

God has brought me total and complete healing in virtually every part of my whole being. Actually to be honest, I AM completely healed from all that happened to me. But, God saw fit to leave a deposit behind in me. And I am not sure if I am up for the task.

I am sitting here in tears as I am trying everything I can to help a good friend and brother in Christ deal with all he is going through.  I just want to give him a hug. One of those, “It gets better” or “I know because I have been there” kind of hugs. But I can’t.

I pray and pray and pray for God to reveal Himself to my friend and show him that he is loved, by the only One who IS love!!!

I ask God to give me the words to speak life to him. How can a mere mortal, as well-meaning and experienced as I am, compare to what he really needs? He needs a healed heart. A healed soul. Real hope.

What I just realized is that divorce has changed me forever.

God left me with a scarred heart. It is fully healed, but it shows the wounds and the proof of prior battles.

God left me with a tender heart. It is sensitive to the touch for those dealing with divorce. It hurts when they hurt; it bleeds when they bleed.

God has left me with a hopeful heart. It is praying that the only true hope called Jesus Christ can reach you, me, and all those needing hope.

God has left me with a joyful heart. It is thankful for all that He has done in my life; the healing that only God can give and the wholeness that lets me carry on for one more day, living a life of purpose.

God has left me with a heart…………for you.

Pray for my friend as I pray for all of you.

A free devotional called “Divorce to Healing: 31 Days of Healing and Wholeness” is available to all my readers here.

You can order you own copy of the book, “Divorce to Healing: 31 Days of Healing and Wholeness” from Amazon here.

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2 thoughts on “I Have A Heavy Heart

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  1. I just read day five of this devotional in the bible app. Telling someone that they are the reason they are in their situation may be true for some people, but not all. To say that other people’s free will may have caused problems and then say that if you’re honest, you’ll admit you were part of the problem is not the best advice. It’s hard enough to try to understand why God didn’t save my marriage or family but to turn to faith based resources for guidance and be told I’m to blame is hurtful. This is why so many people step away from church. My husband and his married co-worker had an affair. I had no blame in that. We as a couple, didn’t have problems. Clearly my husband had problems but those were his demons, not mine. The other woman with a new born baby was also the problem, not me. I will not take blame for the situation they created. My problem for the past 6 years is that I’ve seeked Christian counsel, read gods word, read books and articles written by Christians that told me to do everything in my power to save my marriage and my family. I did that and for 6 years I continued to be lied to, emotionally abused, and mentally broken. I was trying to do what I thought God wanted me to because these experts were telling me that. My son and myself would have been better off if I had not been brainwashed into thinking gods wants me to stay in this horrible marriage. Too many Christian authors and therapists stress the importance of fighting for your family but somehow find a way to blame the innocent spouse. My husband and this person now have a child together…how is that my fault. I thought this devotional would help me get past some if the hurts but it’s just putting salt on an open wound.

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    1. Dear M,

      Thank you for sharing what I believe so many people have wanted to say, but decided not to up to this point. I appreciate it so much.
      Thank you for being raw and real in your situation. Many times, until we get real and decide to actually seek help, things cannot and usually do not change.
      I am glad you can share your emotions and move closer to the healing you need. I am sorry if this particular day or another other day makes you or anyone else feel things that were not intended.

      I will use myself as an example. During both of my divorces, my lack of knowing how to and desiring to honestly and truthfully communicate my feelings caused issues in my marriage. I never cheated. I never did anything to even come close to giving someone else the idea that I was not fully invested in my marriage, but I had my own issues. I had to realize long after the fact that though my spouse’s decisions to abandon me and start a relationship while still married to me was all their fault, I needed to own up to my own shortcomings. But I was left to deal with those consequences.

      Just as this devotional touches a different topic each day, it touches everyone differently and sometimes at different times. I wrote this precisely for those that did what your husband did, but are now realizing they need to own up to it. This particular day may not be a subject that affects you, and it may help you to encourage others affected by the consequences of their actions and their situation as the result of someone else’s destructive actions. You are not to blame, but you still have to deal with them.

      I have had many people tell me exactly what you have told me, and I tell them that this is just like a quiz in school. If you passed the quiz, great. You are ready to move on to what we are learning tomorrow. If you struggled during this quiz, make sure you understand how to handle things now so that as you continue on this “class” called life, you will be prepared to handle everything else that is to come.

      God is the only One that can heal a broken heart. I learned long ago that no human being can truly and fully know what I need and how to handle my specific situation. The best I can do for you is to hopefully encourage you to a more real, raw, and honest relationship with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit through his Word, the Bible. Anything beyond that is honestly just my own personal revelations of how God lead me through to my healing and wholeness, put on a page or a blog. He has a specific plan and a purpose for you and your family. My prayer is that you know Him more intimately every day and that He bring you the healing and wholeness that is made perfect for you, however He does it.

      If you will, can you please finish the full 31 days and then come back and let me know how you are doing? I honestly would love to see if I was able to help you through your process and see how you are doing.

      Be blessed, Brent Papineau

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