What Next?

What do you do when you look at your marriage, family, or home and all you see is a pile of rubble?  Do you just want to cry and give up?  Is it even worth the time and effort to do anything but just leave and never look back?

Jesus knows.  He sees you right there in the midst of the decay and destruction.  He wants you to know that He knows.  He saw what happened.  He knows how it happened.  He knows how you feel.  He wants to walk through all of this with you.

Allstate says ” You’re in good hands with Allstate”.

State Farm says, “Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there”.

Good marketing, lousy counseling.

God says, “I will never leave you, nor forsake you”.  Heb 13:5b

God says, “And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you”.  Psalm 9:10

I suggest you jump into the arms of Jesus and know that God is always with you, not just until a claim is paid and your rates go up.

Healing from divorce and separation is not a simple 10 step plan to wellness.  A fancy flowchart is not going to make you feel any better.

You are on a journey that is unlike any other’s journey that has ever experienced a breakup.  You may or may not have children.  You may or may not have been the cheater or the one that was cheated on.  Every relationship and divorce is different.

It is hard telling you what to do next.  I don’t know what specifics you would tell me about your situation if we could chat over an Orange Ginger Herbal Tea at Panera. (Very good!!)

First, I would give you a hug.  So many times, all people need is someone to be the physical expression of Jesus giving you a shoulder to cry on and a gentle hug to make you know that someone cares.

Second, I would listen to you.  I would let you get it all out.  Tell me how horrible that %@$!^#%@ is and how they have made your life a living hell.  I would be patient and actively engage you as you explain your side of the story.  You need to tell it in a safe and protected environment, getting a release from some of the pressure you feel.

Third, I would want you take stock of what you have and the blessings you still enjoy today. Right now, you are breathing, and whether you realize it or not, that is a miracle!!  God wants you to live and to experience His love while you move through this difficult time.  You still have purpose and a reason to be here on earth.  If you have a roof over your head, a job, children, and other family and friends to be around, then you have something a lot of people do not have.

Fourth, I would suggest whatever professional help you need, even if it’s just a few discussions with a pastor or someone in a care ministry at your local church.  See a therapist (preferably a Christian) that understands not just the mental issues that you are facing, but can address everything from a perspective of your spiritual well-being as well.  We are a 3-part being; spirit, soul, and body  God’s perspective is beyond human knowledge. Why wouldn’t you ask for His help?

Fifth, I would encourage you to be around other positive, Godly people who will tell you the truth in love and walk this road with you.  It is hard to hear hard things about us sometimes, but a true friend that hurts a little is better that someone telling you half truths and just wants to tell you what you want to hear.

Sixth, I would help you to discover a simple, inexpensive stress reliever (not drugs or alcohol). Maybe start using adult coloring books, learn cross-stitching, grab a fishing pole and find a new fishing spot, read a book instead of watching tv, take up gardening, volunteer at church or in the community, or anything else that will occupy your mind on something other than what you tend to stress about.

Seventh, I would encourage you to start dreaming again.  It may seem strange and you may not feel like it, especially now, but if you aren’t looking forward to something positive, you will naturally sink back or remain stuck where you are.  Don’t be the nation of Israel and keep going around the same mountain for 40 years.  Trust in God’s Word and have faith in Him as He leads you to a new land that will be beyond what you could ever imagine.

Eighth, I need you to be realistic.  You can’t change the past.  You can’t make someone love you.  You can’t force someone to do something they don’t want to do.  People can be hurtful, destructive, and absolutely crazy.  That includes you and me.  We are all human.  You may never know why.  You may never fully understand how God is going to make anything good come from this.  That is okay.  It is not your job to know everything, but it is your responsibility to lean on Jesus and allow His Holy Spirit to fill in the gaps.

Ninth, I would pray for you out loud, placing a hand on your shoulder while I ask the God of the universe to come and invade your life.  I would ask Him to bring His Holy Spirit to dwell inside of you, filling the empty spaces and flowing through every part of your spirit, soul, and body.  I would pray that you are refreshed, renewed, and made new each day as the sun rises.

Tenth, I would tell you the most important thing that I can ever tell anyone experiencing separation and divorce; nothing YOU can ever say or do can ever make you whole.  NOTHING.  Only God and a growing relationship with Him through the atoning sacrifice of Jesus can bring the peace, comfort, healing, love, joy, fulfillment, forgiveness, and life that will bring you a total and complete wholeness.  Everything else is only a simple, partial, fractured feeling of relief until you fully understand the depth of love God has for you.

Don’t settle for anything less than what God has for you.

Accept His love.  Accept His open arms.  Accept His grace and mercy.  Accept Jesus.

I created 31 short prayer videos.  They are based on the 31 topics taken from the Divorce to Healing: 31 Days of Healing and Wholeness book and reading plan.  Feel free to join me as I  pray for you on any of those specific issues or topics. Use this link to go to my YouTube channel.

What do you know?  Maybe there is a 10 step plan….

Be blessed!!

YouVersion Bible App Reading Plans:
31 Days: http://bit.ly/2DNy6E6
7 Days: http://bit.ly/2DTHQwD

Book: http://amzn.to/2ctwjHp



Who Am I?

She just left me, slamming the door in my face.  He screamed at me, “I don’t love you any more!” while hanging up on me.  Now what?  Is this really happening?

When marriages get to this point, it tears at every part of you.  Words that should be spoken in love and grace are usually shouted with anger and pain.  “How can they say things like this?”

Attacks of all kinds, specifically verbal attacks, chisel away at the very fiber of our being.  They erode the foundations that our lives have been built upon for years….and now this.

Where does that leave us?  We question our relationships. We question why we did what we did.  We question why someone we are/were in love with hurts us in ways we never thought could hurt this bad.  We question so many insignificant things that sometimes don’t have anything to do with the issues at hand.  Why?

At the root of all the questions lies two separate and distinct forces rubbing together, like the tectonic plates that cause earthquakes.  And that is what is happening; an earthquake in your very soul!!

There are two massive forces grinding against each other, colliding and smashing against one another causing so much friction and heat that it results in a reaction at the surface.

One force is taking all of the angry words, pain caused by infidelity and abuse, and unfulfilled expectations and driving it against the other force which holds the words spoken in love, mercy and grace through all the failures, and dreams that have come true.  It is a battle of good vs bad.  It is a struggle of truth vs lie.

The plates that are grinding together, fighting for your identity are simply this:

  1. What others say and think about you (including yourself)
  2. What God says and thinks about you (your true self)

When our thoughts about ourselves get to the point where we question who we are and what we have become, we have taken our eyes off of God and put them on ourselves.

Don’t get me wrong. It is good to reflect on ourselves and do some self-inventory to be aware of how we are processing issues in our lives. It is a good thing, but too much of self leads to disaster. Going over every little problem to the nth degree will only drive us crazy.

When someone cheats on us or abandons us, it causes pain and hurt.  It truly attacks our self-image with feelings that are negative towards what we see in the natural. They attack what we think about ourselves and how we believe others see us as well.

Choices of others should not dictate how you feel about yourself, but they do.  Why?  Because we are human.

We are living in a fallen world with a fallen system trying to be controlled by fallen people falling into fallen decisions that just cause us to want to fall into our bed and stay there.  Don’t let someone else’s fallen decisions make you believe something about yourself that is untrue.

Don’t let their failures cause you to create more mistakes that you will be responsible for in the future.  Two wrongs do not equal a right.

If you made mistakes, own up to them and do everything you can to correct the situation so you can be better.  If you can improve in areas like communication, work/life balance, or personality development, by all means do it.  Make those changes to be a better person because you need to be better, not just because someone hurt you.  You need to be the best you for your own well-being; mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

When we believe things about ourselves that contradict what God thinks about us, we need to change.  He need to know what God says about us and see ourselves through His eyes.

God knows we are human.  He created us that way.  He sees all of our faults, weaknesses, and mistakes.  He knows.  Yes, He knows it all…….even that thing you are thinking about right now.  And He loves you anyway.

That is why we need more of Jesus EVERY DAY!!  We need to spend time in His Word, giving Him back some of the time He has given us.  God gave you this day.  He gives you every breath you take and the life you have right now (as messed up as it may seem).  He is just wanting a little bit of your time so He can help you with whatever you are dealing with today.

What does God think about you?

“For I know the thoughts I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11.

“Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them. How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them!” Psalm 139:16-17.

Will God give up on you?

“Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9.

“For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39.

So now what, God?

“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” Ephesians 2:10.

“Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21:3-4.

God loves you in ways I could never even describe.  What He thinks about you rubs up against the lies of the enemy coming against you from the words and actions of those not in alignment with what God knows about you.

Don’t waste one more minute of your life believing something about you that God doesn’t believe about you.  You are just causing an aftershock of the earthquake that has already happened.  The earthquake is over.  Don’t let the effects continue.

There will be minor aftershocks until the plates give up their pressure.  Believe me… God is a loving, patient, and powerful God and no lies of the enemy or people who want to tear you down are more loving, more patient, and more powerful than Him.

Take one day at a time (with Jesus).  Hold on to what is strong (Jesus).  Don’t believe lies and half-truths about yourself.  Believe what God KNOWS about you.

You were created by a loving God.  You are loved with an everlasting love.  You will be recover from this earthquake over time as you walk hand in hand with the One who holds it all together, Jesus!!

Be blessed!!

YouVersion Bible App Reading Plans:
31 Days: http://bit.ly/2DNy6E6
7 Days: http://bit.ly/2DTHQwD

Book: http://amzn.to/2ctwjHp








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