What do you do when you look at your marriage, family, or home and all you see is a pile of rubble? Do you just want to cry and give up? Is it even worth the time and effort to do anything but just leave and never look back?
Jesus knows. He sees you right there in the midst of the decay and destruction. He wants you to know that He knows. He saw what happened. He knows how it happened. He knows how you feel. He wants to walk through all of this with you.
Allstate says ” You’re in good hands with Allstate”.
State Farm says, “Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there”.
Good marketing, lousy counseling.
God says, “I will never leave you, nor forsake you”. Heb 13:5b
God says, “And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you”. Psalm 9:10
I suggest you jump into the arms of Jesus and know that God is always with you, not just until a claim is paid and your rates go up.
Healing from divorce and separation is not a simple 10 step plan to wellness. A fancy flowchart is not going to make you feel any better.
You are on a journey that is unlike any other’s journey that has ever experienced a breakup. You may or may not have children. You may or may not have been the cheater or the one that was cheated on. Every relationship and divorce is different.
It is hard telling you what to do next. I don’t know what specifics you would tell me about your situation if we could chat over an Orange Ginger Herbal Tea at Panera. (Very good!!)
First, I would give you a hug. So many times, all people need is someone to be the physical expression of Jesus giving you a shoulder to cry on and a gentle hug to make you know that someone cares.
Second, I would listen to you. I would let you get it all out. Tell me how horrible that %@$!^#%@ is and how they have made your life a living hell. I would be patient and actively engage you as you explain your side of the story. You need to tell it in a safe and protected environment, getting a release from some of the pressure you feel.
Third, I would want you take stock of what you have and the blessings you still enjoy today. Right now, you are breathing, and whether you realize it or not, that is a miracle!! God wants you to live and to experience His love while you move through this difficult time. You still have purpose and a reason to be here on earth. If you have a roof over your head, a job, children, and other family and friends to be around, then you have something a lot of people do not have.
Fourth, I would suggest whatever professional help you need, even if it’s just a few discussions with a pastor or someone in a care ministry at your local church. See a therapist (preferably a Christian) that understands not just the mental issues that you are facing, but can address everything from a perspective of your spiritual well-being as well. We are a 3-part being; spirit, soul, and body God’s perspective is beyond human knowledge. Why wouldn’t you ask for His help?
Fifth, I would encourage you to be around other positive, Godly people who will tell you the truth in love and walk this road with you. It is hard to hear hard things about us sometimes, but a true friend that hurts a little is better that someone telling you half truths and just wants to tell you what you want to hear.
Sixth, I would help you to discover a simple, inexpensive stress reliever (not drugs or alcohol). Maybe start using adult coloring books, learn cross-stitching, grab a fishing pole and find a new fishing spot, read a book instead of watching tv, take up gardening, volunteer at church or in the community, or anything else that will occupy your mind on something other than what you tend to stress about.
Seventh, I would encourage you to start dreaming again. It may seem strange and you may not feel like it, especially now, but if you aren’t looking forward to something positive, you will naturally sink back or remain stuck where you are. Don’t be the nation of Israel and keep going around the same mountain for 40 years. Trust in God’s Word and have faith in Him as He leads you to a new land that will be beyond what you could ever imagine.
Eighth, I need you to be realistic. You can’t change the past. You can’t make someone love you. You can’t force someone to do something they don’t want to do. People can be hurtful, destructive, and absolutely crazy. That includes you and me. We are all human. You may never know why. You may never fully understand how God is going to make anything good come from this. That is okay. It is not your job to know everything, but it is your responsibility to lean on Jesus and allow His Holy Spirit to fill in the gaps.
Ninth, I would pray for you out loud, placing a hand on your shoulder while I ask the God of the universe to come and invade your life. I would ask Him to bring His Holy Spirit to dwell inside of you, filling the empty spaces and flowing through every part of your spirit, soul, and body. I would pray that you are refreshed, renewed, and made new each day as the sun rises.
Tenth, I would tell you the most important thing that I can ever tell anyone experiencing separation and divorce; nothing YOU can ever say or do can ever make you whole. NOTHING. Only God and a growing relationship with Him through the atoning sacrifice of Jesus can bring the peace, comfort, healing, love, joy, fulfillment, forgiveness, and life that will bring you a total and complete wholeness. Everything else is only a simple, partial, fractured feeling of relief until you fully understand the depth of love God has for you.
Don’t settle for anything less than what God has for you.
Accept His love. Accept His open arms. Accept His grace and mercy. Accept Jesus.
I created 31 short prayer videos. They are based on the 31 topics taken from the Divorce to Healing: 31 Days of Healing and Wholeness book and reading plan. Feel free to join me as I pray for you on any of those specific issues or topics. Use this link to go to my YouTube channel.
What do you know? Maybe there is a 10 step plan….