Questions

A song for any of you who are struggling with why…

From one of my favorite bands ever, 7eventh Time Down.

Let them know how the song has encouraged you and helped you out.

https://www.facebook.com/7eventhtimedown

Be blessed!!

YouVersion Bible App Reading Plans:
31 Days: http://bit.ly/2DNy6E6
7 Days: http://bit.ly/2DTHQwD

Book: http://amzn.to/2ctwjHp

 

Does Anybody Care?

Why does it seem that people don’t care what you are going through?

Have you wondered why so many friends and even family seem to distant themselves from you when they find out you are separated or divorced? Maybe not everyone, but the vast majority of people seem to move further away instead of reaching out to connect with you.

From being on both sides of the issue (twice divorced and in ministry to friends and others) I have realized that a few different issues may be the reason.

Confusion

People just don’t know what to think or say most of the time. It is similar to when someone passes away and you want to say something but don’t have the words. You don’t want to upset the other person or cause them further pain. The same goes for divorce.

I remember having friends of mine, acquaintances and other church family, that seemed to keep their distance when I was going through my divorces. I had one or two very close friends and family, but it seemed like my whole social circle disappeared.

As I look back, it may not be anything more than something as simple as them being confused on the best way to encourage and help the person going through this difficult season. You don’t want to make things worse or cause further pain so you choose the “wait and see” approach. Maybe they will reach out to you. Then again….

Believe me, I am sure you feel confused at this time so how do you think those around you feel? How can they be of help when you don’t have a firm grasp on yourself and what you need?

Pain

Yes, you are not the only one feeling pain.

The relationship you had brought you friendships and acquaintances that now have seen a relationship broken. The relationship you had with them as a couple is now a mine field of pain for all involved.

They may not feel like it is the right time to approach you so they hold off. They might rather give you all the space you need when in reality, you really need them now more than ever. They care about you, but they don’t want to be the instrument that may cause you more pain by bringing up your ex or the situation.

Self-preservation

This may seem odd, but some people may not be a true friend or a person that really cares about who you really are. This is the time when true friendships rise to the occasion.

Some people just feel like it may just be easier to not give anything to the relationship because it would just be easier for them. They feel like they will say hi if they see you on the street, but they are unwilling to see the benefit in investing in a friendship or relationship with you any more.

That may seem harsh, but this is a time when real relationships are deepened and shallow relationships fade away. In some ways, this reason may feel like a bandage that got ripped of of your friendship. It will hurt more earlier, but in the long run it may be the best for everyone.

 

So now what?

 

It is all up to you.

Is it really that simple?

Maybe, maybe not. That is what I think though.

Forgive them, for they know not what they do. Of course, that is what Jesus said on the cross, but it applies here too.

Only you can know when the right time is to talk about your divorce and your feelings. You have the ultimate control. You can get help and reach out to others, or not. You can ignore that text or call, or you can answer it. It is up to you.

There is a time when you don’t want others to bother you, but that is the last thing you need to do for any length of time. Isolation leads to many wrong decisions, thoughts, and actions. It is okay to quiet yourself and process, but processing is an action word that leads to a conclusion.

You can’t live in process. Don’t just sit alone and keep going over the same things over and over and over and over and….. you get the picture. That is not a process. That is immobilization. You are allowing your circumstances to cause you to stop living your life.

You have a choice to reach out or to isolate. You have the choice to take time to process and then get help, or you can just hold on to the baggage as you waste another day of your life wondering how things are going to get better.

If I am coming across a little harsh, I am sorry. I do not mean to, but sometimes we all need a word that wakes us up a little. Sometimes all it takes is the right word to make us rethink and take action when we don’t feel like it.

Life is going to go on without you. You have a life that means more than you may ever understand. You have a purpose and a reason to move forward into healing, even if you just take a baby step here and there.

People want to reach out, but they usually don’t know what to say. People want to help if they can, but they don’t want you to feel more pain. People want to encourage you and lift you up in prayer, but it is just easier to pray from afar than to be present in the flesh.

If you don’t have a couple of very good close friends that you can talk to, find some. You will need them. Reach out to a pastor or Christian counselor. Reach out to a Care Ministry or join a DivorceCare group. Most of all, know that there ARE people that want to be there for you, even if it is just to give you a shoulder to cry on or an open ear to listen to you.

People care, it just may not seem like that right now. Find the ones who REALLY care, those who will be there for you through thick and thin. Let God use them to give you a hug, a kind word, and a friendship that will stand the test of time.

Earlier this week, I called a friend I know is on his way to divorce. I just felt that I needed him to know that if he wanted to talk, I would be there for him. That was it. Just someone to listen to him. A lot of time, that is all we need. Someone to listen. I told him I would be praying for him and we could grab lunch soon. He really appreciated it and wants to do lunch soon.

Let people be the hands and feet of God for you at this time. He is there for you. Usually it is through another person. Reach out and let others reach you. It does hurt, but it gets better.

I know how it feels to wonder if anyone cares, and that is why I reach out. My prayer is that someone reaches out to you and you let them be there for you.

Be blessed!!

YouVersion Bible App Reading Plans:
31 Days: http://bit.ly/2DNy6E6
7 Days: http://bit.ly/2DTHQwD

Book: http://amzn.to/2ctwjHp

 

 

 

 

A Song Story

So many times while we proceed down the road to healing from divorce, you wonder about so many things. You wonder so much sometimes that it makes you question your own existence.

This is a story behind the amazing song, “Wanted”, recently released by Danny Gokey. He and the co-songwriter provide so much insight and wisdom for everyone to help them through the hard times. I don’t know what else I can add.

Here is the full video:

God loves you.

You are Wanted.

Be blessed.

YouVersion Bible App Reading Plans:
31 Days: http://bit.ly/2DNy6E6
7 Days: http://bit.ly/2DTHQwD

Book: http://amzn.to/2ctwjHp

 

 

Prayer Project: Day 7 “Loneliness”

Day 7: “Lonliness”  Don’t isolate yourself and allow loneliness to swallow you up.  You are never truly alone. God is always there wanting to talk to you and be with you in a special way. Let Him in.

Resource list:

Divorce to Healing: 31 Days of Healing and Wholeness Reading Plan

Divorce to Healing: Survive and Thrive Reading Plan

Divorce to Healing Blog

Divorce to Healing: 31 Days of Healing and Wholeness Book

Divorce to Healing: Day 7

Loneliness

Loneliness

 

People who are naturally loners are probably wondering what the problem is, yet we all need belonging and community to regulate our emotions and feelings.

God created us to be a part of each other’s lives. He created us for community and to give and receive love through those around us. As great as Adam was, he was not complete until Eve showed up.

Living lonely is hard. It is really hard. It hurts and causes us to rethink our motives. It drives us to do things out of desperation. It also is very misunderstood.

Being lonely and being alone are two TOTALLY different things. Being alone means nobody is with you. Being lonely is not being connected to anyone. How many times have you been in a room full of people, but feel totally alone? That is loneliness, not aloneness.

The struggle of loneliness is to learn to get and stay connected to people, especially those that speak life and wisdom to you. Beat loneliness one phone call and one get together at a time. Make time for others to give you encouragement and invest time into helping you battle loneliness.

6  Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Deut. 31:6

You are never alone. God is always with you!! If you need to pump yourself up anytime, repeat what God gave me at my lowest time – “Jesus and I are movin’ on!!” You can’t go anywhere that God is not already there. He has been waiting.

Prayer

God, help me to know more each day how wonderful it is to always have you by my side and others to come along side when they do, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

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