The Healing Triangle

Think about a triangle. Any triangle. It may have different lengths and odd angles. It may be large or small. It may look different to each person, depending on how they look at it. Yet, there are certain characteristics of a triangle that each one has that are the same:

  1. They all started at a specific point.
  2. They all are created with 3 sides.
  3. They all end up at the original point, but from a different point of view.

There is a point in our life when things become extremely difficult and life-changing like divorce. There needs to be a change. We need to move away from that point. We need to create movement away from that specific point.

It is not easy. It takes energy and a decision to move forward. But what direction do I need to move? What if I head in the wrong direction?

I may present an unpopular point here, and I may take a little flack with it, but I think in the end it really doesn’t matter. What matters is that you move away from that point, in ANY direction.

Make a decision to move on, and then start moving.

Think about how you would draw a triangle. You start with your pen or pencil on a specific point and than you move away from that point in a straight line. Just get moving. Go. Move away from it. It is time to leave that point, and it starts with the decision and movement.

Create the first side of your healing triangle.

But you may ask, what if I head in the wrong direction? Ultimately, it doesn’t really matter. What actually matters is that you start creating something new. Get moving.

When do you stop moving in that direction? It is different for everyone.

Just like every triangle can look different, so will your triangle. If you want that first side to be long to get as far away as you can from the specific point you are leaving, that is fine.

Sometimes the hurt and pain will cause you to head in a certain direction longer that others. You are on a journey that is meant only for you. You are unique and your healing will look different than anyone else’s healing.

There will come a time when you get tired of just moving away from that painful time in your life. You will realize that you are far enough away and it is time to make a shift. It may be to the left, it may be to the right.

Does it matter which way I turn? Again, it is your decision.

At this new point, it DOES matter which way you turn. You have to turn. You can’t just keep running away from that painful point.

You will come to the realization that if you just keep running from it, you will never be able to heal from it. You must be able to see that point from a different perspective. You need to start creating the second side of your healing triangle, and you must choose to turn right or left.

There are only two directions to choose from, right or left. Which direction will you take?

One direction leads you in a positive direction, one that will lead you to seek what good can come from your current situation. The other direction leads you in negative direction, one that will lead you down a path of negativity and an unhealthy mindset towards what happened and where you will ultimately end up.

Don’t make that decision without truly understanding which way you should turn. It will make a world of difference in the rest of your life. How will you heal from that point in your life that you would rather forget about and put behind you?

It does matter which way you turn. You will understand in a minute, how important this decision is and how it will change your whole life moving forward.

You are creating your first angle with this turn. Here is your next decision and another specific point in your life. It will change the direction of your life.

Choose Jesus. Choose the path towards the only one who can help you make sense of what happened. Choose the direction towards understanding and peace. Trust me. It is the best direction.

Yet, the decision is yours. When you truly see how much your life will be affected by taking the positive direction and how your healing triangle comes together, you will look back at this next specific point where you shifted your direction and be thankful you did.

You are now heading in a new direction. What kind of angle did you take?

A triangle is created by 3 angles and 3 sides.

The angle determines two things:

  1. Your commitment and trust to the healing process.
  2. Your faith in the healing process which determines how long it will take to heal.

Think about your healing triangle again. You are now creating that second side. You have committed to a change of direction, but at what angle?

Are you still heading away from that painful point in your life? Are you still running? Are you moving sideways, not wanting to hurt, but realizing that you need to stop running so you can address the pain before losing any more time?

Did you realize that the only way to move on is to take a sharp angle towards the understanding and truth that Jesus has for you? Do you trust Him and not yourself for the healing? The sharper the angle towards God will bring greater healing in a shorter time frame.

You can decide how long your healing will take by how sharp of an angle you take towards God and the healing He has for you.

Think about it. If you take a shallow angle and just put a little faith and commitment into your healing, you will end up having a much longer way to travel back to complete your healing triangle.

In order to complete a triangle, the second side leads to the second angle. That second angle is what you need to head towards completing your triangle.

The first angle determines your second angle.

The length of the second side (time spent before creating your second angle) is also a choice. How long do you want your second side to be? Everyone’s healing triangle is unique. It does take time. Don’t sweat it. Everyone’s healing times are different. Just don’t take forever to make your final decision. You will never complete your triangle until you do.

There will come that time when you are ready to look back at your original starting point because you want to complete your healing triangle, the healing process.

Here is where all of your decisions up to this point (the length of the first side, your decision to turn left or right, degree of that first angle, the length of the second side) all factor into the next step.

As you look back at that painful point in your life, you need to go back there to complete your healing triangle. Let me explain:

You need to be able to see what happened to you from a different perspective.

Your first angle determines how far you still have to go to complete your triangle. It also determines how sharp of an angle you now need to take in order to complete your triangle as well.

How long you took until you decided to turn (your second side) and face your past with a new perspective determines how much more time you have to complete your triangle.

Are you ready? Have you decided it is time to address the pain from a new perspective?

Let’s back up to your first angle: Did you take right turn? Did you choose the correct direction to turn? Are you heading back towards your painful past with understand, truth, and peace you received in the healing process from God? Did you make the wrong turn?

Before you finally connect the dots and complete your triangle, make sure you are seeing your pain through the grace, mercy, love, acceptance, healing, peace, and understanding of the only one who can heal a broken heart :Jesus!!

If you took the wrong turn, that is ok. Stop. Turn back. Return to where you made the wrong decision and create a new angle. Do it more than once if needed.

You need to see your pain from a positive direction with the eyes of God if you are ever going to fully and completely be healed from your pain. Trust me. It is the only way you will fully be able to move on without the baggage and unresolved issues that divorce or other painful event has caused you.

Did you take a positive, Godly angle when you were done running? Are you ready to complete your triangle?

Realize that whatever angle you took and the length of time you spent before making your second angle doesn’t really matter in the scheme of healing. It may add time and some uncomfortable times before you complete, but you are doing it; YOU ARE HEALING!!

Make the decision to head back to that painful point. With your new Godly perspective, make your second angle and connect the dots.

See your pain through God’s eyes. You can’t change it. It happened. It was painful.

As you complete your triangle, it may still hurt, but as you close your triangle know that healing is being completed. It may not feel like it, but it is. God is healing you. You decided how long and at what angles your healing took, but God brought you back here; to the point of your pain.

Complete your triangle. Let God hold your hand as you complete it. Ask Him to heal you completely as you trust Him to finish the work.

It is ok to shed tears. It is ok to still not understand why. It is ok. You will be ok.

You took the angle that led towards God and brought you back to the most painful point of your life with a fresh, Godly perspective; one that includes truth, peace, and understanding.

You are healed. Thank Him for healing you.

Give God the glory as you now move forward into all that He has for you.

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” — Romans 8:28

Be blessed!!

YouVersion Bible App Reading Plans:
31 Days: http://bit.ly/2DNy6E6
7 Days: http://bit.ly/2DTHQwD

Book: http://amzn.to/2ctwjHp

 

 

What Happens to a Tear

Have you ever thought what happens to your tears?

After learning of yet more friends of mine telling me that they are having to navigate the rapids of divorce, I pondered this very thought. While spending some time alone with God on the beach after the beginning of the new year, I couldn’t help but wonder….

Is the ocean full of tears? How about the river or a lake? When you turn on the tap to wash the dishes, is it filled with lost hopes and dreams?

In Psalms 56:8, David wrote “You have kept count of my tossings (wanderings), put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?”. With that he is saying that God knows about our tears and he has them. If he knows how many hairs are on your head, he knows how many tears you have shed. He knows, and He cares.

In the physical realm, the tear has to go somewhere.

We have all seem the Water Cycle chart that shows how water moves here on earth.

  1. Evaporation
  2. Condensation
  3. Precipitation
  4. Collection

Whether you wipe your tears on a tissue, your hand, or let it drop to the floor, it leaves you. It now has been collected somewhere. Evaporation will eventually happen. It will then combine with other moisture and eventually come back to earth somewhere,  maybe in that water bottle you just took a sip from a moment ago. Maybe it becomes a part of the next thunderstorm or snowstorm that hits.

It may seem far-fetched and a little out there to think this, but while I stared out at the Atlantic Ocean, I couldn’t shake the thought that the joy and pain of others that produced those tears could be right past my beach chair. In the same ocean that I receive peace and joy from sitting and watching the waves gently crash upon the shore, who’s tears are bringing me that peace and joy? What are their stories? Have they found peace, a peace that surpasses all understanding? A peace that heals and brings wholeness to their spirit, soul, and body?

I believe in some way, we are all connected by our mutual experiences, good and bad through the tears we shed in pain and joy. We sympathize and empathize with those that need a shoulder to collect those tears and rejoice with those that are celebrating victory and success.

Just like the many tears I have shed over failed relationships, situations, and pain, God has used them to renew others in ways I will never be able to comprehend. My experiences and obedience to allow God to use me to encourage and counsel others on His indescribable love has allowed my tears to be refreshment to others.

The tears you have shed will eventually refresh others, one way or another. Maybe you cried in their beer and then it may be sooner than later. 🙂 Maybe you will be able to tell your story to a friend or family member that is going through exactly what you have gone through.

In many ways, your tears eventually bring forth new life and helps sustain life in lives and the world around you. It may not feel like it while you are shedding the tears. Trust me. They will.

It you feel like sharing your story, I would love to hear it. I am sure many others all over the world would be encouraged to hear about you and how your tears could bring them hope in their troubled times. Just leave it in the comments. I read them all.

Know that God is holding record of all of your tears and He wants to be your answer to what has caused your tears.

He loves you more than you will every know. He has an open shoulder and welcome arms.

Be blessed!!

 

YouVersion Bible App Reading Plans:
31 Days: http://bit.ly/2DNy6E6
7 Days: http://bit.ly/2DTHQwD

Book: http://amzn.to/2ctwjHp

 

 

 

 

Milestone !!!

Just wanted to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart!!

From those who have encouraged me to follow God into His calling to all of those that trusted me to speak into their lives via the Reading Plans, THANK YOU!!

Feel free to continue to share these Godly, free resources to those dealing with the effects of divorce and separation. You never know the lives you may change because of this simple act of kindness.

Reading Plans:
31 Days: http://bit.ly/2DNy6E6
7 Days: http://bit.ly/2DTHQwD

Book: http://amzn.to/2ctwjHp

Be blessed!!

Healing a Broken Heart

They say that ‘time heals all wounds’. Sorry to tell you this, but that is a load of fertilizer!!! (PG)

A sprained ankle takes 5-14 days to heal. A broken leg takes 6-8 weeks to heal. A heart attack takes 2-3 months to heal. A stoke takes 3-24 months to heal, sometimes not completely.

How long does it take to heal a broken heart? When does the pain end? Will I ever feel good again?

broken heart (also known as a heartbreak or heartache) is a term metaphor for the intense emotional—and sometimes physical—stress or pain one feels at experiencing great longing. The concept is cross-cultural, often cited with reference to a desired or lost lover, and dates back at least 3,000 years. Emotional pain that is severe can cause ‘broken heart syndrome’, including physical damage to the heart. ~~~ Wikipedia

Physical healing takes many forms, depending on the injury/disease that needs to be addressed. From doctors and nurses to fluids and gauze, things must be addressed with the final result in mind. There is a plan, a course of action showing the way to the desired result; healing.

“The oxygen (air) and nutrients (food) that new blood carries to the wound are crucial to the healing process. By improving circulation and blood flow, more healing nutrients and oxygen reach the cells.”~~ Blood, Oxygen, & Wound Healing – UnityPoint Health

When it comes to physical healing, the importance of blood flow and the blood itself cannot be understated. Without blood, it will not survive.

Blood is made up of:

  1. Red blood cells – carries oxygen throughout the body
  2. White blood cells – fight infections
  3. Platelets – cells that help you stop bleeding if you get cut
  4. Plasma – a yellowish liquid that carries nutrients, hormones, and proteins throughout the body

You can now see how important the blood is to the life of a body, especially if it is hurting and wounded, or diseased and dying.

Just like a healthy physical heart pumps life-giving blood to the physical body, so does a healthy spiritual heart pump live-changing blood to our soul. When our heart is not healthy (ie broken), the rest of our body (soul) suffers and begins to die. WE NEED OPEN HEART SURGERY!!!

Jesus, our Great Physician, has a plan for healing the broken heart. You need to approve his OPEN heart surgery. You need to allow Him to be the One that fixes your heart. He needs you to sign the consent form, and trust Him to do the work.

Romans 10:9  If you openly declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. NLT

The plan for healing is to increase the blood flow to the broken heart. It needs the life-changing blood of Jesus to heal completely.

Spiritual blood is made up of:

  1. The Breathe of God – carries oxygen to the soul
  2. The Protection of God – fights invasions from the enemy (infections of the soul)
  3. The Mercy of God – helps your soul to stop bleeding in case you get hurt again
  4. The Word of God – carries the food, growth and strength throughout the soul

Can you heal from a broken heart without Jesus?

You may be able to get relief from pain and loneliness, move on to the next relationship, and tell yourself you are ok.  Having gone through 2 divorces and with over 12 years of care ministry to those going through the divorce process, I can honestly say that those who surrendered completely to the full healing process of Jesus came through their divorce with the greatest ability to move forward in life successfully. Healed and whole.

I’m not saying it is all going to be rainbows and bubble gum. It is hard. It is tough. It may take years. Trust in the only healing that will bring complete and total restoration. Who wants to limp through life with a super-glued heart that has a murmur and only 3 working chambers?

No physical treatment program can fully and completely heal a broken heart. Don’t trust some friend who says to just get back in the saddle. Would you trust them to do open heart surgery on you physically? Why would you trust them to attempt to perform open heart surgery on your broken heart that is a part of your soul?

Only the Creator of the heart can heal a broken heart.

Open your heart. Give him control. Give it time. Be patient. Let the Great Physician do what only He can do.

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Click HERE for “Divorce to Healing; Survive and Thrive” and share with those that would appreciate the help it provides.

A Divorce to Healing Testimony: Scott

From Scott, in his own words.

Thank you, Scott!!!

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Been reading your devotionals on YouVersion. No truer words than these…
—-
This is the time you need to move on from destructive thoughts and behaviors. It is the time to move past accusations, pain, and fear.. It is time to move into a greater relationship with God and to move into all He still has for you.
—-
The one thing God has pressed upon me since I found out about her affair and when she moved out, was simply this… I must forgive her for ME to heal. It was something I knew, above all else, that I HAD to do!  It took me many prayers, screaming at God, crying out to Him, “God, I can’t do this!  I know I need to, but I can’t. And truthfully, I don’t want to!  But I know I need to.  I need You to help me do this!”
Through this, He changed my heart.  I was given the opportunity to forgive her face-to-face. I did.  She ignored me, changed the subject. But I discovered that it wasn’t about her response… it was about mine. And by being obedient that day when He told me, “Do it now.  Forgive her”  I was set free of so much that was weighing me down.
But then, God taught me something new!  He told me, as I quickly found out, that Forgiveness is NOT a one-and-done… it’s a daily process. I learned to stop saying simple prayers for her and start praying blessings over her!  I struggled with this, but now pray for her job, car, increase, protection, and still most importantly, her healing and return to God.  Even if it is not with me, I pray that I can see her healed and whole.
Thank you for being obedient to God in your ministry.  Thank you for helping others like me.  I have a friend going through a nasty divorce that I have asked to read your devotionals, as well.  Thank you.
BE blessed!
Scott
One thing I have continued to pray is that if I must go through this, that God would allow me to use it to help someone else. I never even imagined that I could do so before I got through this!  But He has called me to reach out to a few people, and I’ve been able to strengthen and encourage them… not because of me or what I did, but because of what God has done in and through me.
I know this won’t be easy to get through, but I know that in forgiveness I have found peace… even though it still hurts.
I literally feel like an amputee sometimes, like I’m missing part of me. I mean I am actually.  But through forgiveness (and prayer) come healing. You cannot have one without the other.  God has been so amazing through this. Thank you again!
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Click HERE for “Divorce to Healing; Survive and Thrive” and share with those that would appreciate the help it provides.

New Reading Plan Released!!

st-thumbnail-title

Hi Everyone!!

So thankful and blessed by all of those who joined us last week for the daily postings of the new Reading Plan called, “Survive and Thrive”.

I just wanted to share that it has now been released on the YouVersion Bible App and you can now have it available instantly on your device.

Click HERE for “Divorce to Healing; Survive and Thrive” and share with those that would appreciate the help it provides.

Again, Thank you all for moving forward in your healing and letting me be a small part of that.

Be blessed!!

The Reflection

reflection

The new year always lends itself to reflection. Thinking of the past. Good and bad. Accomplishments and missed expectations. Successes and failures.

This year has been a sincere blessing for me in many ways, while also revealing my short comings.

Divorce to Healing has seen tremendous growth in exposure, readership, and engagement. It has also made me wonder where we fell short helping people.

On April 12th, the Divorce to Healing Reading Plan on the YouVersion Bible App was released. In less than 8 months, over 13,300 people engaged by downloading a free copy to a phone or other device. And thus began a seed of healing.

As of Dec 31st, over 4,800 people had completed all 31 days of the Reading Plan. And thus began the next steps in continued healing.

On August 31st, a paperback version of the Reading Plan with additional resources was released on Amazon. 16 copies were sold, 3 of which I bought and sent to my family. And even more people took a step towards wholeness.

On this blog, over 3000 views from over 1000 different people in 49 different countries were seeking wisdom, encouragement, and understanding to help them make sense of this thing we call divorce.

And yet, I wonder……

Did they all know that they have been prayed for daily? Have they allowed God to do the healing work in their hearts, minds, and souls that bring the only kind of peace that satisfies? Will they continue to reach out to their family, friends, counselors, pastors, and others for the help they still need? Have we helped in any small way?

Who is that next person that God wants to touch today? What is holding some people back? How can I be of greater service to my fellow man, struggling through the same pain and hurt I experienced?

As we continue down this path together, I want to thank you for letting God do His perfect work in you. I will be here with you and want you to know, you are not alone. There are many people that desire exactly what you do — healing & wholeness.

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
We are here for you.
Be blessed!!

Amazing News!!!

Thank to all you you in the Divorce to Healing community!! I am blown away by how many of you have downloaded and completed the YouVersion Reading Plan. Thank you for giving God room to heal you and bring you closer to wholeness.

Feel free to share your comments below.

If you have not yet gone through the reading plan and want to, here is the link: http://www.bible.com/reading-plans/2440-divorce-to-healing-31-wholeness

If you want to connect via Facebook, join us:                                                       http://www.facebook.com/divorcetohealing

If you would like a copy of the book, it is available on Amazon:           http://www.amazon.com/Divorce-Healing-31-Days-Wholeness/dp/1530366364

Process of Time

time-eye

It is said that time heals all wounds. In my opinion, the process of time helps the healing process, but that is not what heals. Seeking wisdom on the correct path to fix the issues and following through with that wisdom is what will bring the healing, in the process of time.

If you break your arm, you wouldn’t just say “I’ll be ok. Time will heal it.”. Wrong. You will end up with an arm which tries to heal, but the bones are not set together and held tight by a cast so it can heal correctly. You may eventually not have pain, but you will have an arm that is much weaker and will be easier to break again in the future.

When we gain the wisdom of doctors for physical healing, they know that they must reset the bones as close together sometimes inserting screws to hold them together so that when the body heals (in the process of time) it will be as strong as it can be. It may never be as strong as it originally was, but if healed correctly, it will be usable again and able to withstand whatever comes next.

When we just move on from divorce and do not discover true wisdom on how to heal a broken heart, you are just expecting it to heal. It doesn’t work that way. It is like breaking your arm and not seeing the doctor. You are at a much higher risk of your heart being broken again and again because it never healed correctly.

One of the most vivid images I had when I was struggling through my own healing was what I felt was an open heart surgery. The image was of a huge slice all way from my neck to my stomach, and the scar that came from it. I had given all my hurt, pain, feelings, emotions, stress, and expectations to God and told Him to heal my heart. But it left a huge scar. I have it to this day. The scar of divorce.

Now, before you think that I despise the scar, I see it for what it is. An event that happened. And the scar is just proof of that.

Am I healed? Yes, thank you, Jesus!! Does it still hurt? No. Does the scar remind me of the greatest healing ever in my life? YESSSS!!!!

The scar is not a bad thing. When I realized that the consequences of an open heart surgery to fix my heart was a leftover scar, I came to grips with it. I now see it as a daily reminder of the amazing healing that has happened and that I can now share my testimony of my healing to many others. I can encourage them to know that healing is available, if they are willing to do what it takes to fix the issue (broken heart) not just letting it heal on it’s own. It will never heal correctly and be a heart that will not have the strength to handle the job of pumping life through your body if you don’t get the help you need.

Of course, through the process of time, things seem to get better. My point is that without dealing with the real problems, you will never heal fully and you will be more susceptible to pain and suffering in the future. Going through a divorce is already painful enough. Do what it takes now to make it better later.

It is so great to see people, even after only a few weeks of surrendering to the process and getting real help, experiencing real change that can be seen by those around them. They may not see or feel it, but others can. We are usually the last ones to see and feel the change in ourselves that others see in us.

The process of time will bring forth the healing, as you are faithful to do what it takes to attain healing and wholeness through the One who is the only one that can repair a broken heart. His name is Doctor Jesus, and He knows how to fix your heart.

My heart is healed and whole. It doesn’t hurt anymore.

But I still have a scar. And I am fine with that.

A free devotional called “Divorce to Healing: 31 Days of Healing and Wholeness” is available to all my readers here.

You can order you own copy of the book, “Divorce to Healing: 31 Days of Healing and Wholeness” from Amazon here.

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