Tag: care

Does Anyone Care?

I get ultra-sensitive at this time of year. Christmas and New Years is a time for family, friends, and fun. But so many times when you are experiencing divorce or the aftermath, you may wonder if anyone cares about you.

I do.

I remember living in a town I moved to for work. I had been divorced and started my life over with a great career opportunity that God led me to over a couple of years. I got plugged into a wonderful church family and meet so many nice people.

I remember meeting, marrying, and ultimately divorced again to my second wife. I was crushed. The only family I had close by was a great friend I made that allowed me to roommate with him as I tried to recover.

Maybe you can relate a little to my story. Feeling alone around your church family, work colleagues, and people you always see at the local grocery store.

You may be around people a large portion of the day, but you still feel it: loneliness, guilt, shame, hopelessness, pain, heartache, and any number of other honest human emotions and feelings.

My answer to the question “Does Anyone Care?” is YES!!!

Start with your immediate family. You have parents, children, siblings, or relatives that may or may not be next to you right now, but someone in those groups cares. You may not realize it, but many care about you. It may not be great with them at the moment, but if push comes to shove, someone will admit they care, and probably more than you would ever know.

What about your work, church, or social groups? If you have a pastor or church leaders, God has given them a spirit to care. They will not be perfect, but they would not be in that role if they do not at least care.

Why do you think bars, drug dens, and other places I do not recommend seem to gather people, even for the wrong reasons? People are looking for someone to listen and care.

I CARE!! GOD CARES!!!

When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Psalm 34.17-18

If you are sitting by yourself in a home, apartment, car, or jail cell reading this and feel like nobody cares, just know that God cares and I care about you. If you know nobody that cares, know that we do.

How can I say that I care for you when we have never met, talked, or may never interact in any way together? Because when I was in my place similar to where you are at, God told me that He cares and someone else cares too. And He was right.

I had my brother and his family in my first divorce. They lived about 3 houses down from my apartment in a small house with my 2 little (at that time) nephews. I let them just allow me to hang around and be a part of their lives, never judging or pushing me. The gave me the opportunity to heal while showing me they cared.

I had a best friend who, on the first day I met him, he had just had his fiancée break off their engagement. I had no idea how God would lead me to a guy I never knew the first day I went to a new church, be able to encourage him in his darkest time, only for him to be able to repay kindness to me when I was separated and eventually divorced again. He cared.

At my lowest moment, I realized the ONLY one who would never leave me nor forsake me would be Jesus. He cared so much for me that He died for me. I knew no matter what, Jesus and I were moving on. He would be there for me no matter what!!!

If you are alone, tired, afraid, desperate, anxious, or flat out hopeless, I care. God cares.

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

Today is Christmas Eve. This morning at church I was burdened to pray for you. YES, YOU!!

God put a heaviness on me to pray for all of those experiencing loneliness, divorce, loss, pain, and heartache today and this time of year. He told me that He cares about you and He hears you.

My belief is that God wants you to know how much He cares. He wants to spend time with you through a real relationship, one that includes reading His Word, praying, and seeking Him.

Be as open and honest you can be. He can take it. He already knows.

My prayer is that these few words you have read help you know that someone out there cares for you. You are not alone. You are not the only one who is experiencing what you are going through. Your situation is unique, but others are right where you are and so many have healed from the pain you are experiencing now.

I wrote a special prayer for those needing a prayer at this time. You can read it here, or you can listen to it as I read it on this past podcast episode. Either way, know that you have been prayed for today.

In some ways, I wish I could sit and talk to you for a few minutes tonight. Whether you are with family, friends, or find yourself with nobody else around, know that I care and other do to. Most of all, know that God cares for you far more than anyone else ever could. He loves you!!

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. Isaiah 43.2

Be blessed!!

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Listen to the Divorce to Healing Podcast here:

If you would like to support this ministry, feel free to purchase a copy of my book or donate below:

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Any purchase or donation would be a huge blessing. Much love!!

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You Made It

It is the day after Thanksgiving and a large amount of people have already been Black Friday shopping since early this morning. Actually, with technology today, Black Friday is more like most of November, ramps up around Thanksgiving and Cyber Monday, and they try to keep you spending until the Super Bowl.

What does this have to do with divorce and you making it?

Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, Valentine’s Day, Anniversaries, and many other big days are the hardest when you have lost someone or your marriage. Reminders of kids opening presents early in the morning, the smell of a dozen different foods being enjoyed with family, and that special someone being with you through it all…..but all is really not all.

You look at the important days like graduation, the loss of a first tooth, and a new job only to experience these without the one you planned to have by your side. It is hard, and it sucks to put it mildly.

BUT….You made it!!!

It is a new day and the sun came up this morning. You have breath in your lungs and you are on the right side of the grass. God’s mercies are new every morning according to Lamentations 3, but there is so much more to this passage of scripture.

The Book of Lamentations is exactly what it says; a book lamenting to God about the nation of Israel and it’s suffering. Jerusalem has been destroyed by Babylon. Things are not the same. The wonderful past is now a painful present. If you want to watch a powerful video describing the Book of Lamentations, here is a link to a short video. It will open your eyes. Take the time to watch the video and you may relate to our ancestors much more than you realize.

The chapter has only 3 positive verses, ones that describe the goodness of God.

Lamentations 3:22-24

22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
    his mercies never come to an end;
23 they are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.
24 “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
    “therefore I will hope in him.”

You made it this far because of God’s love, mercy, and faithfulness. Does it still hurt? Yes. Does it change the situation? No. Does it mean anything will change today? That is up to you.

When you allow God to be your portion, He gives you a hope that you will only understand with the passage of time. You will be able to look back and say, “God got me through it. I made it!!”

Did you make it to the end? Not yet, but God will get you there.

If you are struggling today, take a few minutes right now and just lament to God. Tell Him how you feel. Tell Him what hurts. Tell Him what you want to change. Just talk to God. He wants to hear from you. He wants to have a real conversation, not just a list of prayers you say as you are running out the door to whatever you have to do.

People talk about self-care. I prefer God-care, because God created you and knows you way better than you or your bestie knows you. Give Him a little time to do a real work on your heart. Don’t settle for self-care, reach for God-care.

Part of healing is opening up the wound, cleaning it out, and providing an opportunity for it to heal.

Lament to the One who gives love, mercy, and faithfulness new every day.

You made it to today. You will make it to tomorrow. Have hope in Him.

Be blessed!!

YouVersion Bible App Reading Plans:
(over 294,000 downloads to date)
31 Days: http://bit.ly/2DNy6E6
7 Days: http://bit.ly/2DTHQwD
5 Days: https://bit.ly/3uxvntS

If you would like to support this ministry, feel free to purchase a copy of my book or donate below:

Book: http://amzn.to/2ctwjHp

Paypal: http://PayPal.Me/brentpapineau3

Venmo: @Brent-Papineau

Any purchase or donation would be a huge blessing. Much love!!

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Does Anybody Care?

Why does it seem that people don’t care what you are going through?

Have you wondered why so many friends and even family seem to distant themselves from you when they find out you are separated or divorced? Maybe not everyone, but the vast majority of people seem to move further away instead of reaching out to connect with you.

From being on both sides of the issue (twice divorced and in ministry to friends and others), I have realized that a few different issues may be the reason.

Confusion

People just don’t know what to think or say most of the time. It is similar to when someone passes away and you want to say something but don’t have the words. You don’t want to upset the other person or cause them further pain. The same goes for divorce.

I remember having friends of mine, acquaintances and other church family, that seemed to keep their distance when I was going through my divorces. I had one or two very close friends and family, but it seemed like my whole social circle disappeared.

As I look back, it may not be anything more than something as simple as them being confused on the best way to encourage and help the person going through this difficult season. You don’t want to make things worse or cause further pain so you choose the “wait and see” approach. Maybe they will reach out to you. Then again….

Believe me, I am sure you feel confused at this time so how do you think those around you feel? How can they be of help when you don’t have a firm grasp on yourself and what you need?

Pain

Yes, you are not the only one feeling pain.

The relationship you had before brought you friendships and acquaintances that now see a broken relationship. The relationship you had with them as a couple is now a mine field of pain for all involved.

They may not feel like it is the right time to approach you so they hold off. They might rather give you all the space you need when in reality, you really need them now more than ever. They care about you, but they don’t want to be the instrument that may cause you more pain by bringing up your ex or the situation.

Self-preservation

This may seem odd, but some people may not be a true friend or a person that really cares about who you really are. This is the time when true friendships rise to the occasion.

Some people feel like it may just be easier to not give anything to your relationship with them  because it would just be easier for them. They feel like they will say hi if they see you on the street, but they are unwilling to see the benefit in investing in a friendship or relationship with you any more.

That may seem harsh, but this is a time when real relationships are deepened and shallow relationships fade away. In some ways, this reason may feel like a bandage that got ripped of of your friendship. It will hurt more earlier, but in the long run it may be the best for everyone.

 

So now what?

 

It is all up to you.

Is it really that simple?

Maybe, maybe not. That is what I think though.

Forgive them, for they know not what they do. Of course, that is what Jesus said on the cross, but it applies here too.

Only you can know when the right time is to talk about your divorce and your feelings. You have the ultimate control. You can get help and reach out to others, or not. You can ignore that text or call, or you can answer it. It is up to you.

There is a time when you don’t want others to bother you, but that is the last thing you need to do for an extended period of time. Isolation leads to many wrong decisions, thoughts, and actions. It is okay to quiet yourself and process, but processing is an action word that leads to a conclusion.

You can’t live in process. Don’t just sit alone and keep going over the same things over and over and over and over and….. you get the picture. That is not a process. That is immobilization. You are allowing your circumstances to cause you to stop living your life.

You have a choice to reach out or to isolate. You have the choice to take time to process and then get help, or you can just hold on to the baggage as you waste another day of your life wondering how things are going to get better.

If I am coming across a little harsh, I am sorry. I do not mean to, but sometimes we all need a word that wakes us up a little. Sometimes all it takes is the right word to make us rethink and take action when we don’t feel like it.

Life is going to go on without you. You have a life that means more than you may ever understand. You have a purpose and a reason to move forward into healing, even if you just take a baby step here and there.

People want to reach out, but they usually don’t know what to say. People want to help if they can, but they don’t want you to feel more pain. People want to encourage you and lift you up in prayer, but it is just easier to pray from afar than to be present in the flesh.

If you don’t have a couple of very good close friends that you can talk to, find some. You will need them. Reach out to a pastor or Christian counselor. Reach out to a Care Ministry or join a DivorceCare group. Most of all, know that there ARE people that want to be there for you, even if it is just to give you a shoulder to cry on or an open ear to listen to you.

People care, it just may not seem like that right now. Find the ones who REALLY care, those who will be there for you through thick and thin. Let God use them to give you a hug, a kind word, and a friendship that will stand the test of time.

Earlier this week, I called a friend I know is on his way to divorce. I just felt that I needed him to know that if he wanted to talk, I would be there for him. That was it. Just someone to listen to him. A lot of time, that is all we need. Someone to listen. I told him I would be praying for him and we could grab lunch soon. He really appreciated it and wants to do lunch soon.

Let people be the hands and feet of God for you at this time. He is there for you. Usually it is through another person. Reach out and let others reach you. It does hurt, but it gets better.

I know how it feels to wonder if anyone cares, and that is why I reach out. My prayer is that someone reaches out to you and you let them be there for you.

Be blessed!!

YouVersion Bible App Reading Plans:
31 Days: http://bit.ly/2DNy6E6
7 Days: http://bit.ly/2DTHQwD

Book: http://amzn.to/2ctwjHp

 

 

 

 

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