For those affected in any way by divorce and are in the process of healing.
It is amazing how music affects me.
I seem to listen to music based on two criteria: my mood or God’s direction.
Sometimes I feel a certain mood and want to rock out to some upbeat praise or even a good old song from my youth. Then, there are times when God wants me to experience something fresh and new.
I feel like He wants me to share this new song with you today, to help and encourage you while you walk closer with Him.
Be blessed!!
I have such a heavy heart right now.
You think that after almost 14 years after my second divorce that I would finally have the healing and wholeness that God wants me to have. You would think that I would have changed and grown in every part of my life to the point that divorce and all the pain and hurt that comes from it could not or should not affect me any more.
Well,…………I was wrong!! 😦
God has brought me total and complete healing in virtually every part of my whole being. Actually to be honest, I AM completely healed from all that happened to me. But, God saw fit to leave a deposit behind in me. And I am not sure if I am up for the task.
I am sitting here in tears as I am trying everything I can to help a good friend and brother in Christ deal with all he is going through. Â I just want to give him a hug. One of those, “It gets better” or “I know because I have been there” kind of hugs. But I can’t.
I pray and pray and pray for God to reveal Himself to my friend and show him that he is loved, by the only One who IS love!!!
I ask God to give me the words to speak life to him. How can a mere mortal, as well-meaning and experienced as I am, compare to what he really needs? He needs a healed heart. A healed soul. Real hope.
What I just realized is that divorce has changed me forever.
God left me with a scarred heart. It is fully healed, but it shows the wounds and the proof of prior battles.
God left me with a tender heart. It is sensitive to the touch for those dealing with divorce. It hurts when they hurt; it bleeds when they bleed.
God has left me with a hopeful heart. It is praying that the only true hope called Jesus Christ can reach you, me, and all those needing hope.
God has left me with a joyful heart. It is thankful for all that He has done in my life; the healing that only God can give and the wholeness that lets me carry on for one more day, living a life of purpose.
God has left me with a heart…………for you.
Pray for my friend as I pray for all of you.
This is an excerpt of the book just released called “Divorce to Healing: 31 Days of Healing and Wholeness” and it was an amazing revelation for me.
You will figure out that you will learn things through your divorce that you mat have heard, but never really understood until now. These revelations can be so eye-opening that it will change your life forever.
As parents, you get the revelation that having kids is TOTALLY different that being around them or babysitting for a friend. You are never ready for it and it is an ongoing learning process that never stops.
As a father and husband, I learn things almost every day about my wife, our children, and their lives that can only be understood after going through them. Looking back, I start to truly understand them as the individuals God made them to be and how my life must adapt daily to make them the wife, son, daughter, and family He has blessed me to be a part of on this earth.
In the excerpt above, i talk about the simple fact that you can be surrounded by people, but feel so alone. The reason that you feel like that is because you are not connected to them the way you need to be connected to them.
You may have great relationships with many people, but if you are not feeling truly connected in a mutually beneficial life-giving relationship, you are not in the kind of relationship that fulfills what your spirit needs.
Take time to be more transparent, more open to those that you trust. Invite them into your world in a deeper way. You will find that the real life in a relationship that changes you and brings forth healing and wholeness is waiting for you to connect on a new level, one that can trust again.
Take a few minutes to consider all the revelations you have come to learn about yourself and those around you, especially since any tragic event. Some will make you angry, some will make you depressed. Yet again, many will show you that there are things you needed to work on in your life in order to become a better person in many areas of your life.
This is not to make it seem like all the problems are/were with you. It is just getting you to see that there is more potential and growth because of what happened. Don’t waste this chance to see all that will cause you to become more than you have ever been.
It is there. You just need to recognize it, learn from it, and growth through it. You can do it.
What revelations good and/or bad have made you a better person. I would love to here your thoughts.
Be blessed!!
You can now get your own copy of “Divorce to Healing: 31 Days of Healing and Wholeness“!!
Grab yours at Amazon here!!
Thanks everyone for all the kind words and encouragement that helped me to strive and bring forth what God has been wanting me to do for so long.
If you would like to check it out for free, head over to the YouVersion Bible App and see if you would like it. A majority of the book’s content is the same (31 Days), except for the introduction which has my story as well as a list of additional resources I recommend.
Remember, this makes a great resource that you can also give to a friend or family member that may need some encouragement as well.
As of this post at the beginning of Sept 2016, I will be holding a contest on both Twitter and Facebook, if you would like to win a free copy. Head over and join our community there.
Be blessed!!
There comes that day, when looking back is a good thing!!
It has been years since my divorces, and I still look back at times. They are few and far between, but after this long it feels so good to see how far I have come.
I remember those painful days. I remember the stabbing pains, the confusion, the worry. All of the emotions that divorce causes are nothing now. They are in the rear view mirror. And may I say, they are beyond the horizon.
It has taken me much longer that I expected to complete a couple of projects to help others called “Divorce to Healing: 31 Days of Healing and Wholeness”. I have been sitting on the book for over 4 months because I hit a wall with computer issues and believing I needed to retype all of it to complete the publishing process. So I just procrastinated.
I found other things to work on, but I needed to finish the book. I completed a Reading Plan for YouVersion’s Bible App, which has reached over 5200 people as of today. I am humbled to say that God has been so amazing with what He has given me, but He requires more.
So, yesterday I completed the review process for the written copy of the book and as of this moment, it is in the review process. I will be ordering a proof copy tomorrow. If all goes well, I should be ordering a few copies for personal distribution and it will be available for sale in a matter of days.
Today while reviewing the introduction and proof-reading, I was able to look back again and see how far I have come. I read my story to myself, and it encouraged me. As if I didn’t know the story already.
Taking the time to look back gave me such an appreciation for all those people God blessed me with to help me heal from my divorces. My family, friends, pastors, and just acquaintances I got to meet while going through the process. Most of all, God did His work in me. And for that, I am eternally greatful!!
Looking back, I see how God has fulfilled the promise in Romans 8:28, which says, “..28Â And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” I am living proof of that.
It is hard to see how God is going to use you and your divorce when you are going through it. Just like a swimmer can’t see what their final time will be or if they will win a medal, divorce is a learning and healing process that is working within you to make you a more complete person.
I know that usually for one party in the divorce, it is not what they want. Someone is willing to work towards keeping the marriage together, and the other party does not. I am sorry, but that is the sad truth.
But God can use it for good and will use you in ways He never could before, if you take the time to heal and let Him make you whole. Only He can do that. Only God can mend a broken heart. Let Him.
There will come that time, when you will look back. You will see the potholes you drove over, the ditches and valleys you had to 4-wheel through, and the traffic jams you had to sit through. It will be tough, but it will be easier as time and healing happens.
Let God do the work He wants to do in you so He can do His work through you to help others someday.
That is my story, and it can be yours too.
Hi everyone!!
I am working on a lot of new projects for Divorce to Healing. Here is my first one. Check out the video on our Facebook page and give me your thoughts. Â Be Blessed!!
Most people reading this blog are in a storm, or coming out of one. For those of you that I am describing now, I want to tell you something vitally important. It is ok and it will get better. And I will prove it to you!!
First, storms in our lives are good for us. Now before I lose you and you click that x in the upper right-hand corner and cuss at me, hear me out.
Thunderstorms bring much needed rain. Without moisture, everything would perish. 50-65% of an adult is water. It is even up to 78% as a child. Water is the #1 most important element besides air that we MUST have or we will die. Period.
Storms in our lives, though sometimes with much damage, actually bring us what we need. It is in those times we can actually get replenished and refreshed through the struggles we must endure to get what we need. In some ways, God uses storms to bring what we need to survive. It is through the storms that we dig deep, hold on, and reach out for help.
How many times have you prayed to God because you feel like this storm you are experiencing can only be handled by Him? Guess what? God wants your attention and to bring your cares to Him.
Second, there is always a beginning, middle, and end to a storm. There has never been a hurricane, thunderstorm, typhoon, tornado, or any kind of weather phenomenon that has lasted very long in comparison to the length of our life. In 1 Kings 17-18, Elijah prayed that it not rain and it did not for 3 1/2 years. Even this extended drought ended.
Sometimes you can see the beginning of a storm from a long way off. You get a forecast days in advance so you can prepare. You may also be blindsided, caught in a downpour (typical for us here in Florida about 2:30pm) without an umbrella. In either case, there is a starting point to the storm.
No amount of preparation, anticipation, and vigilance will stop the storm from coming. You are in for it, and it is the time of testing. How you prepare and weather this storm will give you wisdom and strength for all the storms to come. Some big, Some small.
Remember the story in Matthew 8 when Jesus calmed the storm? He is there for you, but you need to go to Him if you want Him to calm it. Are you afraid of the future? Are you scared you may not survive this storm? Go to Jesus.
Did you ever wonder why Jesus could sleep while a storm was almost capsizing the boat? Could it be that He knew it was temporary and it was ending soon?
Every storm ends. I am right this second looking outside to a stunningly blue sky with marshmallow white clouds. It is about 89 degrees. The last storm is long gone and I don’t even remember when it occurred.
I don’t mean to make light of the storms people have weathered or are still riding while the waves continue crashing upon them. My point is that every storm ends because it is calm and beautiful now. Be assured that your storm will pass too.
Just like the saying “the calm before the storm”, the statement “the calm after the storm” is true as well. Think of it this way. The greatest amount of your life is lived in a calm or storm-free season. It may not seem like it, but think back. Unless you had a very tragic childhood that carried into your adulthood, most people spend way more time out of storms than in them.
Finally, realize that storms are a part of life. Some big, some small, some tragic, some refreshing. Just as storms always end, there is also one on it’s way. It may be nothing more than a rainmaker to bring you the rain you need.
How you weathered the last storm will prepare you with greater wisdom and strength to weather the next one. The old fisherman that has a severely wrinkled face, wisdom to steer around storms, and fortitude to roll with the waves has learned to weather well.
If you need to wake up Jesus in your storm, go do it. Stand firm in the faith you have and allow the storm to prepare you for the next storms to come.
My prayer is that your next storms are just gentle showers that refresh and renew you.
Everyone and everything goes through seasons. It sounds so cliche, and yet it is so true. Maybe I can encourage you in a way you haven’t considered in the past. Then again, maybe not, but it is up to you to find out.
When it comes to divorce and relationships, we plan for the good times. We look forward to every day to be full of fruit, ripe for the taking. Every tree has the ability to grow and produce fruit, even if it is only seeds to continue the cycle of populating the earth with more of itself. Count me in for a nice big ripe Fuji apple or a giant Ruby Red Grapefruit from my friend’s tree. How about you?
Expectations that the tree will provide some sort of fruit, nut, or seed to help with providing for other’s enjoyment and to carry on the species is a good one. The problem with our expectations is that most times they are not realistic. We forget that it takes a full cycle of seasons in the life of the tree in order to reap a harvest or provision.
When do we celebrate the harsh winds and severe cold rain or snow that attacks the very life during the winter? In the fall, it looses all the strength it has to hold on to any fruit and leaves. It looks like it is dying. It never looks healthy and looses it’s “hair”, barren and naked. Springtime brings a time of struggle to gain the nutrients and water in order for life to be displayed yet again.
Most of it’s life is spent preparing for the fruitful season, which can be unbelievably short in extreme cases. The Amorphophallus titanum, or “Corpse Flower” is one of those. It takes 7-10 years before it blossoms for the first time and then in can take 3-10 years again before the next blossom. The odor it releases smells like death and the flower blossom lasts for only 24-48 hours.
Not much fruit, smells like a dead body, and takes forever for it to happen again.Some people may think that is what dating is like after divorce. That might be true for you. (Mental note: Future blog post on dating after divorce) Then again, it may just be the Axe body spray he is using.
It takes time for healing and to feel whole again. Don’t worry about how long it takes. Rushing through the healing process just causes you to drag baggage from one relationship to another. It isn’t fair for someone else to do it to you, so don’t do it to someone else. Invest in yourself and be ready when the time comes.
When the storms of life come, it is the roots that you can’t see that are rooted in the soil that will tell you if you will survive. If the roots are shallow, it doesn’t take much wind to blow you over. How do roots grow deep? In times of drought they must search deeper for water, thus stretching them towards the water. Too much water keeps the roots shallow while a lack of rain actually allows strength to come to the tree by developing the survival instinct to search out the water, no matter how deep. If it doesn’t reach for the water just beyond it’s reach, it will die. It may only be inches away, but it must struggle and reach the water to continue on to the next season.
There is always a spring. When you are in the fall and winter seasons in your life, it may seem so far off and it may even be late, but it WILL come.
If the tree doesn’t give up all the fruit, leaves, seeds, and nuts in the fall, it will not be able to weather the storm of winter. It needs to hibernate and save it’s energy for the season to come. There are times in our life that we must let go of things so we can enter a season of rest, preparing for new life to come forth through us. New fruit. New seed.
People notice the growth during the spring season. Think of this, though. If you would not have taken the time to rest and heal during the winter and storm season with no protection and fruit showing, you would not be ready to grow beyond where you were in the last season and bear the fruit you are meant to bring forth in the next season.
Be encouraged. No matter what season you are in, know that you are meant to grow, bear fruit, let go of what you must, weather the storms of life while resting, and getting ready to do it all again. Don’t think you can skip seasons. You can’t, so stop trying. Just accept the fact and get excited for the next season.
Such an amazing song and story about the heart.
You can decide if your heart beats again.
Thanks to Danny Gokey for sharing it with us!!
The more I think about the topic of leaning and after studying a little of the history of the amazing Leaning Tower of Pisa (page here), it just gives me more and more to talk about.
When I think about divorce and what it takes to recover, it seems like the various stages have different postures. In the beginning, you feel like you are knocked down and laying on the floor. As you try to stand up, you get to your knees and wobble while falling back to the ground. As you start to get up, you are unstable and more than anything, you need something to steady you. It is now when leaning comes into focus.
We don’t give it much thought, but the act of leaning is actually a proof of trust being reestablished in your life. You are reaching out for help and accepting it. You are looking for stability and when you find something worthy, you will lean on it.
Have you ever thought of what you are leaning on? What characteristics does it have and why do you trust it?
Some things you lean on cannot handle the weight you are putting on it. Some things are not meant to be leaned upon. Some things do not have a foundation that allows it to be stable when you try to lean against it.
In the story about the history of the Leaning Tower, it is interesting that they make the statement that it was only one human mistake that caused an ongoing and permanent condition. It talks about how the foundation was only 3 (yes, only 3) feet deep and built upon a plot of land that had weak clay. As the weight of the building over time exposed the problem, it caused many issues and numerous delays in the completion of the tower as well as the use for the tower. Everything was different, because of just one major human mistake.
Now, if we are honest, in marriage there is more than just one major mistake that leads to divorce. It is truer that it is the combination of many smaller issues and than one large one that breaks the camel’s back. It doesn’t take away from the severity or importance of the one big human mistake, but it may be the weight that caused the foundation of your marriage to be altered forever.
If you are going to trust or lean on something, it needs to have a foundation that can handle that burden or weight you need to put on it. It needs to be stable and fully capable to help you as you lean on it to learn to stand on your own.
Until I fully had nothing else to lean on and realized that Jesus was the only One that could handle all of the weight and pain I had, I was trying to steady myself. It didn’t work. I was like a 1-legged man in a butt-kicking contest. On a good day I was ineffective, unable to get stable, and always on the ground feeling defeated. I know, I was there.
People can act like they are wise enough to lean on, but only those grounded and stable themselves can offer any stability to you. Even that is not enough for long term stability. I choose to trust God and let everything add to what He can give me in moving forward.
Another interesting thought is how after realizing the architect for the Leaning Tower made a huge mistake, it took a hundred years before they even started to complete the tower. At the time, they thought they could correct things and made adjustments, but to no avail. They did not address the foundation.
Are you sensing a point here?
You are only as solid as your foundation. What is your foundation and is it solid? Can it hold the weight you are bearing and needing help holding up? A foundation without Jesus is only a stone tower built on clay.
In time, the Leaning Tower was finally stabilized and now safe enough to climb and be next to it without the chance of it collapsing. It still leans (consequences of mistakes made), but it is now considered a World Heritage Site and one of the most treasured buildings in the world.
You can have that kind of foundation and be a wonder to those around you. Get your foundation right and lean on it as you grow stronger.
Be blessed!!
Divorce to Healing 