A friend of mine (Matt Anderson) shared this from a Facebook post by Kari Stephens Perkins with Get Up & Get Real Ministry. Not sure if she is the original creator, but wanted to share where I got it from.

The hardest part of healing is accepting the fact that you have wounds that are more than superficial. Someone gashed you and hurt you beyond what you could ever imagine. You did not enter into a relationship expecting to end up like this, and you should not have. Yet, here you are.

This is serious business!! Hurt people hurt people!!

Don’t become that person that refuses to do what it takes to heal, only to project your pain, damage, and issues on someone else who doesn’t deserve it.

How does it make you feel when someone else doesn’t just dump on you, but attacks you in a way you know does not fit their real personality? It is unfair to you and to themselves. They don’t want to attack like that, but the pain is eating away at them and they are turning it upon others instead of dealing with the root issues.

Do the hard work. Get to the root of the issues that have caused you the damage to your soul. It will take time, most times must longer than you may want it to take, but it is worth it.

BUT HOW?

I am not a counselor. I am not a pastor. I am not a savior. I am not qualified.

Find the ones who are qualified. Find a counselor, a pastor, and a savior.

The following statement is being said in love. If you know me, you will understand it is meant to share with you what I believe you need, not what you may want:

If you don’t have others involved in your healing process, it is my belief that not only are you trying to take the easy way out, you are robbing yourself of a testimony and a real true healing that allows you to walk in strength through peace for the rest of your life.

The very first person you need is Jesus!!! Of course, He is God. He is also a person. He became human to experience pain and suffering as we do. He knows the ultimate betrayals, wounds, and physical destruction unto death unlike anyone else in all of eternity.

You need a real, raw, complete relationship with Jesus.

If you are confusing a relationship with Jesus with a ministry, church, or organization, then you are going to be disappointed. Jesus never fails. Jesus never leaves you or forsakes you.

By the power of the Holy Spirit, He brings everything you need when you fully surrender your whole life (wounds and all) to Him. He brings comfort, peace, joy, healing, wholeness, love, and everything you must have in order to receive a complete healing.

I am not bashing the church, ministries, or other religious organizations. Just know that they are filled with humans (just like you & I), imperfect and needing help. They do the best they can. They want to be there for you. Give them some grace and mercy during the process.

Without Jesus and a total focus on His Word and His Holy Spirit, you are missing the most important part of the healing from the only one who can heal a broken heart.

Spend time alone with Jesus. Study His Word. Pray that God reveals real love to you, not a human’s definition or representation of love. Allow Him the time to stitch up the wounds caused from a relationship lost. True healing takes time and patience.

Find a Christian counselor that understands how important Jesus is in the healing process. If they trust a human process over God’s process, they are the wrong counselor (sorry, but let’s get real). Why trust a man over God? They should bring all the gifts that they have been given along with their training and knowledge to the table, but they should give all the glory and authority to Jesus and the Holy Spirit, who ultimately does the healing.

It is understandable that when relationships go bad people are looking for change or want to find a new church. In many ways, it can be healthy to do that, but don’t leave a life-giving, Bible-preaching, spirit-filled, loving church just because you are hurt. Meet with the pastors or a care partner to express your feelings and determine the best course of action.

Just leaving a church because it will be difficult is not a reason. Neither is you feeling like you have a big ‘D’ on your forehead (that was me) when you gather for worship or a group.

You are there for God, not for what others think. You are there to lift His name on high, not give others something to gossip about this week. You are there for your relationship with the Almighty, not for the one who thought they were the almighty.

Leaving your current church and groups may rob you of just the ones that God wants to use to help you heal. Who knows how they will rally around you and support you in prayer. They can be a resource as you get back on your feet.

My wife and I used to lead an amazing divorce recovery group at our church  called DivorceCare. Not only can you sign up for a daily encouragement, you can join a group that is a sound, biblical group that ends up helping each other as much or more than the curriculum does. Your church may have a similar group as well.

Most of all, have a support group of family and friends that love Jesus and what He wants, complete and total wholeness through that healing that only the Healer gives. Find those that don’t pull you down, but lift you up.

Trust the process, but the RIGHT process. God’s process!!

Psalms 51:17 ESV

¹⁷ The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

Psalm 147:3 ESV

³ He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.