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Divorce to Healing: Day 31

Joy

Joy

 

You may seriously question if you will ever have any real joy again. The answer is a resounding and whole-hearted YES!! Now, depending on your faithfulness to the healing process that God has for you, your joy may be great or small.

There are many kinds of joy from a child’s face or a playful puppy to a warm salty breeze to complete peace deep down in your soul. There is also an everlasting joy that only comes from knowing who’s you are, not just who you are.

Don’t settle for only joy in the company of others like the joy that you can manufacture by flying to a resort or finding your new mate. Strive for that joy that causes you to sleep well at night and look forward to what tomorrow brings.

Joy in the natural can be simple to attain and yet fast and fleeting. Joy in the spirit you don’t even need to worry about. It is always there, encouraging and calling you into a greater life. It may even bubble up in uncontrollable laughter, too.

Look towards those things and people that make you joyful, not just happy or comfortable. There are those that when you leave spending time with them, you feel enriched in your soul and that is a joy builder.

I can explain it to you this way: if you have to think about creating joy, you are not there yet. It will come as you let God fill up that well of joy that has run dry in you.

5 For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for a lifetime; weeping may last for the night,
But a shout of joy comes in the morning. Ps 30:5

Everybody wants and needs joy, but only the joy that comes from a healed and whole heart knowing how much they are loved by their Creator satisfies.

Prayer

God, may I feel the joy you have for me every day. Fill me with your love and peace so that your joy just rises up in my soul and heals, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

 

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Divorce to Healing: Day 30

Peace

Peace

 

Do you long for peace? Do you pray for peace in your family and in your soul? Do you just need some peace (and quiet)? I may not be able to help with the quiet part, but if you have young kids, take it when you get it!!

There are those of us who need to just stop and give some peace to others. We need to end our wars and offer to at least be nice to one another. If that is you, for the love of all that is holy, please do it. Nothing rots a soul like a poisonous agenda looking to hurt someone else. To get peace, you need to start by giving it.

There are those of us who really just need peace, to make it through today. We need that quiet confidence that things are ok and are going to be better tomorrow. If that is you, do whatever you need to do to get it. Have someone watch the kids, call a friend or family member to talk, or get alone with God.

There will always be conflict, even in your greatest relationships. Don’t let that discourage you. Through struggle comes strength, if you use it positively. Peace is more an attitude than a feeling. You can choose to live in peace.

When you strive to see people through God’s eyes, you see them for who they really are; a child of God. Pray that they will see you the way God see you.

Take the high road because in the end, the view is so much more peaceful.

11 Finally, brethren, rejoice, be made complete, be comforted, be like-minded, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you. 2 Cor 13:11

Peace is not an absence of conflict, it is a quiet comfort in strength. Peace is not a lack of an enemy, it is the fullness of a relationship with the peace-maker, Jesus!!

Prayer

God, grant me peace today. Let me know how much You love me and allow my soul be renewed, refreshed, and restored every day, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Divorce to Healing: Day 29

Evidence

Evidence

 

The cop shows on TV and the local law enforcement are not the only ones that have to handle evidence. Searching, collecting, and examining evidence happens whenever something tragic happens, but there are so many ways to use it.

Evidence can convict and exonerate. It can lead and it can confuse. The person handling the evidence is the one who largely determines how best to use it, but it may not be the whole truth.

You are in the process of healing, and in that process there are pieces of the tragedy that shine a light on what happened.  There will also be evidence of healing and that is where I want to spend the rest of our time.

What do you see in yourself that has learned from your past, good and bad? Have you realized those thoughts, words, and deeds that have brought you to this point and how they are impacting your life today? Learn from the bad, but dwell on those things that you see that are good. Make a list of the good ones!!

At your lowest point, did you ever think you would have been able to do some of the things you are able to do now? (i.e. communicate better, handle finances, enjoy your quiet time, keep the kids alive, remember to take out the trash, etc..)

So many little things all the way up to the big things are improving daily, even if you do not see it yet. Each day you wake up, you are one day closer to your healing and one more day closer to the blessings God has for you.

11 Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Heb 11:1

Have faith!! Tomorrow will be better. Some days may not, but add them up!!

Prayer

God, may the evidence of my healing be revealed to my day by day so that it may shine through me so that others can also see your grace, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

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5 Divorce Resolutions for 2014

2014 New Year

So many times when a new year comes around, we have a positive outlook and are excited for what lies ahead. Maybe this isn’t the start for you. Here are some suggestions to help you along your journey.

Resolve to give thanks for what you have

You are still here. You are still breathing. You may thought you have lost everything, but take a few minutes and write down all that you still have (family, friends, children, job, home, etc). It may not be what you were expecting or wanted, but some people would trade their lives for yours right now. How many things can you come up with? Write them down and look at them daily. Add to them as you think of more.

Resolve to think about and help others

Yes, you are still hurting and need healing, but so do so many others. By taking your eyes off of yourself from time to time will not only be a blessing to others, but you will heal in the process. Nothing helps a hurting heart more than allowing it to pour love out to those that need a helping hand (especially your children, if you have them).

Resolve to take care of yourself

Start making healthier decisions in your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual life. You are not good for anyone else let alone yourself if you are sick, depressed, and bitter. Join a group or gym to get some exercise. Join a recovery group to work through the emotions you are dealing with so that you can move on. Read and study the Bible and books that speak life into your soul. It really does help.

Resolve to forgive

Choose to take the path of forgiveness instead of the path of bitterness. Holding onto painful thoughts and events from the past only imprison you, not the other person. I have heard that to forgive is to give up hope on a better past. Think about it. You can’t change the past, but you can change the present and the future. Let that dead past stay in the ground. You have a life to live. Go for it.

Resolve to take it one day at a time

Realize that every day you have a choice to make it a good day by the attitude you embrace. The sun will come up again and you can have a better tomorrow if you make today better. Today is your day. It is waiting for you to live it. Grab it and ride it.

I know you can have a great year. Do it by making today the day you resolve to be a better you!!

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Starting Over

Where do I begin? Is there anything left? Where is God in all of this?

Sound familiar? These are some of the exact questions that people have when needing to recover from a divorce.

I have a hard time telling people what to do. It’s hard enough to be a dad and tell my daughter she needs to go to bed when she doesn’t want to or my son that he needs to take care of things before the last-minute. Maybe it is just my way of allowing people to learn, or maybe it is just me wimping out on my responsibility as a dad. I need to work on that.

But,  do you REALLY want someone to tell you what to do? Do you REALLY trust the advice you are getting is in your best interest? How do you know?

Ok, here is where the rubber meets the road. Are you ready? What I am going to tell you is going to be something that most people will never tell you. It is groundbreaking information that will work 100% of the time, if you follow the directions. The problem is most people either never receive the advice with a willing spirit to change or they attempt it for a while and then think the advice has to be wrong so they just go it alone.

If you really want to know what to do, here it is:

1) Pray

2) Seek God

3) Turn away from the wrong things

Simple as that. If you truly want the recovery and peace that will last and sustain you as you heal, you need help from above. Only God can heal a broken heart.

Praying to God, no matter what the prayer sounds like to start, opens the communication to Him. It brings forth an openness for change in you, which is what is needed to heal.

I can remember times of just screaming and yelling at God. Every part of me wanted to vent my frustration and pain while pushing the blame onto someone or something else. I wanted them to feel pain like I felt and it really didn’t matter what I said. It just felt good to say it. Praying for justice took on a whole new meaning, meaning it would make me feel better. but eventually, God changed my heart.

He caused me to start praying that I would be all He had for me to be, no matter what happened. I knew that the future held so much more pain, but I knew that deep down, God loved me with a love that no human can have. It help the healing process to start. And it will help you.

Seeking God is just that, looking for Him. Looking for Him in everything, not just a pretty sunrise, your child’s face, or a song that moves you. It is something that should happen daily and be sincere in knowing Him, not finding verses to curse your ex-spouse with (I’m sorry, but I am guilty in doing that for a while). Building a relationship with God, founded on the written word of God (bible), is what will sustain you for the long road ahead as well as setting you up for peace and wisdom to handle what is coming next.

Turning away from the wrong things should be obvious, and for most people, it is. We tell ourselves that we will change our behavior, but it seems like it just will not happen. It takes a decision and the fortitude to manage that decision from this day forward.

What kind of behavior do you need to change? Hopefully, you already know. Most people know where they need to make changes because they have told their spouse things like, “Oh, I can quit drinking or doing drugs if it means you will give me another chance” or “You keep telling me to do (x,y,z) and I don’t think I need to change. It is you who needs to change”. Well, for just a moment, think about it. What behavior did your spouse say caused problems? Start with that. Through more prayer & relationship with God, you will get direction in how you need to change and grow so that you can become the person you need to be.

The points above come from 2 Chronicles 7:14 which says “then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and PRAY and SEEK my face and TURN from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land.”

If you want your land(heart) restored, you need to PRAY, SEEK, and TURN to God.

It is the only way to a true, lasting, and complete healing.

Or, you can keep doing what got you here in the first place……It is your choice.

In my own strength, I failed.

I will take the Creator of it all, the One who loves me and gives me my every breath. My faith and trust is in the One who knows how to heal the broken heart.

He can and will, if you let Him.

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