Tag: help

Divorce to Healing: Day 27

Reconciliation

Reconciliation

 

An amazing number of people that are separated or divorced have seriously considered and desired to reconcile, even if the other person has moved on with a new relationship and even married. It is more than understandable.

But for those of you wanting to throw your phone, tablet, or computer across the room towards me, I know there are a large group that are in the ‘Good Riddance’ gallery, and for many valid reasons.

I would like to encourage those that have a sincere and Godly desire to allow God to bring you back to your first love, make sure they are not married and get with a pastor or counselor that will help you. For those not able to do that, I say this:

Reconcile yourself and what you can of the relationship. Especially if children are involved, you need to be able to be civil and able to co-parent well so that it will cause less long-term damage to your relationship with them. You will always be their mom and dad, and both are needed. Work together to make that happen.

Mutual friendships may need to be reconciled as well. They may not know what to say or do and often really don’t want to lose you both as friends.

When you can honestly be reconciled (not hostile) to those that hurt you, you will be able to give an amazing testimony of how your healing is making you whole.

18 Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation 2 Cor 5:18

Reconciliation is more about bringing people back into fellowship and civility than about returning to something you had in the past. Do it for your wholeness.

Prayer

God, whether our relationship can ever again include us being married I ask that You help to bring forth a mutual friendship between us, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

0

Divorce to Healing: Day 26

Patience

Patience

 

Why is it so hard to wait? Is it because we have become a culture of instant microwave gratification? The world demands more, bigger, faster, more efficient, more beautiful, more exciting, and now, now, now………

With modern technology, even if a child is born earlier than the normal development time of nine months, we can do what we can to bring full development along. It is not without its’ own challenges.

“How long will it take?” — “How perfect do you want your healing?”

There is a perfect time for you to have a fully healed and whole heart again.  If you want a life that is allowed to move forward in joy, peace, and wholeness, you will need to allow whatever time it takes. Everyone is different and every healing process takes time, sometimes longer than others.

If you rush into another relationship, engage in destructive behaviors, and try to shortcut the process, your healing will be full of developmental and possibly life-long challenges that you will end up regretting. It is not worth it.

Just like after planting a seed, it depends on the quality of the seed, the amount of water, how far it is buried, among other factors that determine what kind of harvest you will receive. That little seed will not care if we want it right away.

16 Yet for this reason I found mercy, so that in me as the foremost, Jesus Christ might demonstrate His perfect patience as an example for those who would believe in Him for eternal life. 1 Tim 1:16

Just like it still takes 9 months for a baby to fully develop, God has allowed his perfect timing to bring forth the perfect healing in you. Don’t rush perfection.

Prayer

God, please help me to calm down and allow You the time to fully and completely heal all of the broken pieces left in my life, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

0

Divorce to Healing: Day 25

Responsibility

Responsibility

 

We have so many things that we are responsible for from kids and family to work and relationships. It can really feel daunting, especially when you struggling with divorce and all that entails.

It takes a lot of wisdom to know what is truly important, what can wait, and what really matters in the long term. It takes more than what we have in our feeble minds to figure this all out. Help is on the way.

If you are not an organized person, get organized. Use a calendar and write things down, especially your daily to-do lists. It will help you keep track and provide direction on what to get done. You would be amazed how scatter-brained you will feel during a time of tragedy, which is exactly what divorce is.

Make time to invest in your own well-being like quiet time, devotion, and stress relief. Take time to see the value in your kids, your job, and your relationships.

Don’t use these things to isolate yourself from people or God, but use them to grow closer to Him and to gain the strength you need to continue on with life.

Now, handle your matters in a way that is responsible. Take the high road. Give of yourself to others, even though you may not have strength to do it. Be a light and a rock for those that desperately need you, because you matter to them.

4 Arise! For this matter is your responsibility, but we will be with you; be courageous and act.” Ezra 10:4

You have so many responsibilities, and it is a good thing. You have been trusted with so many things like being a mom or dad, a friend, and a blessing to others.

Prayer

God, give me the strength and wisdom to live responsibly and in such a way that others will see how you have helped heal and lead me, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

0

Divorce to Healing: Day 24

Trust

Trust

 

One of the biggest failures in divorce, usually the greatest factor, is a destruction of the trust built between you and your spouse. Usually and almost exclusively, another person has been involved in some way. Faith is shattered when trust is broken by another.

Too many people want to give you every reason to grab a knife/gun/tank/nuclear bomb and just make sure that it will never happen again (hint, hint, wink, wink). As tempting and fulfilling it may make you feel, spending the rest of your life in jail on top of all of this is not recommended, let alone desired. Just don’t do it.

Most people tell you that trust can never be restored, but that is untrue. Many people have invested in preserving their marriage, so it can be done. I will tell you that the vast majority have not, and it takes two willing and totally unselfish people through much pain and wise counsel to accomplish it.

When you start to come to grips with things, don’t allow yourself to assume the blame for another person’s sin and mistakes. Choices have consequences.

The way to develop trust again is a long, hard road. Make sure you get help from those qualified to guide you correctly towards a real healing in that area.

You will be able to trust again, but you must never allow your trust in a human being be greater than your trust in the only One who is fully trustworthy.

2  “Behold, God is my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid;
For the Lord God is my strength and song, And He has become my salvation.” Is 12:2

Trust is not given, awarded, or bought. It is earned only by the one who is proven trustworthy. After you fully trust Jesus to heal you, He will help you trust again.

Prayer

God, I desperately need Your help to be able to trust You more each day for everything. I choose to trust you instead of man, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

0

Divorce to Healing: Day 23

Regret

Regret

 

One very difficult thing you will fight is the urge to live with regrets. We have all done and said things that we wish we would have handled differently. That is just life and being human.

Letting the past cloud our present does nothing to help us heal and it robs us of precious energy and time. It only prolongs the process.

It is one thing to analyze those actions of our past that have caused us pain, whether it was our fault or not. It is another thing to keep rehashing over and over again what should be handled and dealt with, then left in the past.

View those regretful situations for the only good they can bring; gaining wisdom to understand and eventually helping to encourage or share with others when they may eventually be dealing with the exact same thing.

One of my greatest regrets that I had to handle was not knowing how to communicate. I blamed it on many things, but ultimately I needed to learn how to communicate and realize that it was ok to just tell people how I felt.

By moving forward and working through whatever regrets you may still have, you will start to put the pieces of the healing puzzle together.

10 For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death. 2 Cor 7:10

Use the pain of the past to prepare you for your future. Learn and then let go. You can’t do that if you don’t stop looking in the rearview mirror of life.

Prayer

God, help me to have no regrets for deciding to let you handle my life and doing what is right in Your eyes, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

0

Divorce to Healing: Day 22

apple-orange

Comparison

 

If it’s not bank accounts or looks it is stuff or relationships. We compare costs, features, and usefulness for just about everything. When it comes to where you are now in your healing process, don’t so it.

I know you wonder if that person that wrecked your life is a better cook, lover, provider, or parent. It is human nature, but that is not God’s nature.

When we compare ourselves to others, it is really just us comparing our worst to their best, our lack to their abundance, their joy to our pain. I know, because I did it too.

Why give someone else that has negatively affected you control your thoughts and image of yourself? What right do they have? Only the right that you give to them by allowing yourself to play a game of comparison that you cannot win.

Why not compare your situation to someone laying in a bed dying of cancer? How about the millions of starving and abused children all over the world, even in America? Even that is pointless, unless you need to get a reality check.

You are special. You have gifts and talents that nobody else on the earth has ever had or ever will again, in the way you were created. Only you can do what God has created you to do, and no one can compare to that, even if you are hurting.

Wisdom and identity in truth will allow you to move beyond comparing.

11  For wisdom is better than jewels; And all desirable things cannot compare with her.  Prov 8:11

You are becoming someone who will have no equal. You will be able to give help and wisdom to others because of what you are learning now. Get ready.

Prayer

God, help me to not compare my weakness to other’s strengths. Let me know that you never compare me and that you always love me, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

0

Divorce to Healing: Day 21

Hope

Hope

 

With all you have already gone through and so much more you may still be facing, do you ever feel like it is just too much? Why bother? Will I ever have peace?

The answer is yes or no. That may sound strange, and it is meant to cause you to pay attention, because this could make or break you. And I want it to be yes!!

The answer is yes, if you can be honest with yourself. Know that you need help and get it. Know that you need others around you that speak life into you and don’t lead you into destructive thoughts or actions. Know that God is the answer!!

The answer is no, if you just decide to spend your time hating others, being angry, not forgiving, and just doing what feels good. Know that these things will just give you more pain and struggle, causing you to spiral towards a life of less than great.

Honestly, the only real answer I give to people for any advice they ask me is to seek Jesus with everything you have and follow Him. Any other advice is from a sorry man who has failed twice at marriage, yet found complete healing and peace with just that advice. And hope is there for you, if you choose it.

People’s stories of survival in dire situations seem to get boiled down to hope. They realized that without hope, they would never be rescued. It even sometimes led them to discover a new plan or strategy to get them out of their tragedy.

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Jer 29:11

There is always hope. Hope is all around you, just like the air you breathe. Every time you breathe in, air comes in. Open your heart and let hope in!!

Prayer

God, I need You now!! I need you to be the hope in my life and to show me how to live each day hoping for a greater life, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

0

Divorce to Healing: Day 17

Yearning

Yearning

 

Some of the most difficult times in our lives are those that cause us to desire things we cannot have. I want my 20 year old, 185# physique back. I may lose the weight, but something tells me I will never be 20 years old again.

We all yearn for something or someone. During separation and divorce, we yearn for our relationship with the person we have lost, when it was so happy and life-giving for both of you.

Feelings of longing for a relationship we used to have or the possibility of a new one, is not wrong and you should not feel bad about that. Just be realistic with your feelings.

May I suggest you yearn for that which you can attain, like a healed heart and a renewed soul? Reach to acquire the help you need to get you there, like professional help or pastoral care. Give yourself a chance.

Growth comes through stretching for more than you have now. Just like a rubber band, by stretching it out, it actually expands when it retreats leaving it able to do more next time.

Take time to yearn, but for what matters and for what will bring you the healing and wholeness you need to move forward.

5 Or do you think that the Scripture says in vain, “The Spirit who dwells in us yearns jealously”? James 4:5

There is someone who does yearn and longs jealously for a sincere relationship with you; Jesus. Take time to let him show you what a real loving relationship is.

Prayer

God, may my heart and soul be filled with Your love so completely that I can feel how jealously you yearn for us to spend time together, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

0

Divorce to Healing: Day 15

Weed

Bitterness

 

Have you ever had the experience of falling into quicksand? I never have, but I have heard that the only way to survive is to stop struggling and lay flat on your back with your limbs extended like you are floating. Stop fighting it. Surrender.

One of the hardest things we must ever do is to learn to forgive. It is not something that comes easy to us, but it is vital for our healing.

Unforgiveness is a poison we drink thinking it will harm someone else, but all it does is harm us. When we allow experiences against us to continually affect us negatively, we have continued to allow that person to control our well-being and healing. Don’t let that happen to you.

I know right now you may not be ready to forgive, and that is understandable. If you refuse to deal with it, a root of bitterness will be growing within your soul that grows every day, getting deeper with every passing moment. Every day you ignore it just makes the removal of the root that much harder and harmful.

If you see a weed in your garden, do you let stay there? Did you know that it is robbing nutrients and water meant for the fruit God is trying to grow in your garden? Every day you wait, the root grows bigger and it’s seeds will eventually affect the whole garden, if you don’t deal with it.

See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled,  Heb 12:15

If you are not ready to forgive today, just make a decision to move towards that more and more every day. God will help you and He will give you a heart to do it.

Prayer

God, let no seed of bitterness take root in me and may I realize how I must forgive others to keep my spiritual garden healthy and growing, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

0

Divorce to Healing: Day 13

Acceptance

Acceptance

 

Even before a divorce happens, our feeling of acceptance can be shattered. Why am I not good/pretty/handsome/rich/nice/blessed enough for them to love me just the way I am?

The feeling of not being accepted shakes our belief in ourselves and tears down our self-images causing us to question our place in this world.

Too many times, we think acceptance and approval goes hand in hand. They are two totally different subjects.

You do not need to approve of someone’s sins and destructive behavior to accept them as a human being and someone that needs our love and forgiveness.

When you accept someone else, you agree to not allow other people’s issues to change how you value them as a person.

When we become parents, we accept our children even though they spend most of their first days crying, pooping, and sleeping. They cannot validate us, yet we accept them because we love them.

Especially now, we all need acceptance and the best way to receive acceptance, is to accept others, good or bad.

7 Therefore, accept one another, just as Christ also accepted us to the glory of God. Romans 15:7

Our acceptance is determined by the value of the one giving it, and God thinks you are worth great value. He accepts you, no matter what anyone else says

Prayer

God, help me to accept others while I grasp how deeply You accepts me, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

 

 

0

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑