(Dedicated to my friend and brother, Jerry Arney)

When we lose someone, a lot of times we just don’t know what to do next. We don’t know what to say. We don’t know how to act or even feel.

Loss of a marriage is like the death of a friend or loved one in a lot of ways. It is a life leaving us to make sense of what has happened and move on. It forces us to deal with thoughts and emotions that we avoid at all costs. Who wants to experience that?

Today, a very good friend of mine who has been sick for almost 3 years passed away. His name is Jerry Arney and he was someone who I loved as a brother and friend very much. I always will. I will never forget him, though life moves on and eventually I will not give him much thought, and I absolutely hate that. Sorry, Jerry, but that is the human life.

We are usually consumed by what is happening at the moment. Time makes it imperative to deal with what is going on today, which causes us to push the past into the back of our minds. It sucks, but that is what happens.

When it comes to the loss of a marriage, the pain eventually subsides and the business of life, children, a job, friends, and new events require us to have to focus on them. It pushes the past back a little more each day and is a large part of the healing process.

When that happens, it doesn’t say anything about that person you lost or the marriage that did not last. It had a life and it hurts when it is gone.

When I spend less time time thinking about Jerry, it doesn’t take anything away from the relationship I had with him. We shared and invested in our friendship and it means something. The same is with a marriage. It mattered and you invested so much into it, and yet it is gone.

When I think of Jerry, I am going to do my best to remember the good times. We spent a lot more time in a hospital praying and talking than we ever did outside of it. The bad times happened, but I am going to remember how even as he suffered pain and disappointment, he had a love for Jesus that I will always be jealous of.

He knew that someday, he would be healed one way or the other. One day the pain would be gone. And tonight it is gone.

My pain is getting more intense. I miss my friend and brother, I miss his love for his family and God. I miss his love for others, those he shared love with on the the streets and in the detox centers where he ministered to those most people have given up on. But God will help me and carry me during this time. He has before, and he will again.

You have lost a marriage, and it hurts. It hurts bad. You will miss some things that where amazing. You will miss the person that you married, the one who said for better or for worse. You didn’t marry the person you they are now. You lost someone totally different.

The last time I saw Jerry, I knew he was getting tired. He shared many things with me to make me realize now that he had become a different person from the one I first met and grew to love as a fellow man in ministry. He still loved & trusted in the Lord, but his human body was dying.

Your marriage was not the same at the end as it was in the beginning. You wanted it to be different, to be like it was when you first got married, but eventually it died.

So where does that leave us?

As I mourn my friend and brother, I will cling to Jesus, the one who is the answer for my broken heart. He is the only one who can heal it. And he will. I will eventually be able to look back and remember the good times we had, all the wonderful fellowship, and the time spent with our Savior.

As you mourn your marriage, cling to Jesus!! He loves you with an everlasting love. He is the only one who can give you the wisdom, peace, and joy to move forward each and every day. It will get easier. I promise. As you let Him lead and hold you, He will give you a peace that will surpass anything you could ever imagine.

Eventually we will both look back and it won’t hurt like it does now. We may have a scar and a tenderness when we remember, yet it will not stop us from being better. God has plans for both of us. Walk with me as we both move forward with Him.

RIP Jerry Arney

The Healing Triangle

Think about a triangle. Any triangle. It may have different lengths and odd angles. It may be large or small. It may look different to each person, depending on how they look at it. Yet, there are certain characteristics of a triangle that each one has that are the same:

  1. They all started at a specific point.
  2. They all are created with 3 sides.
  3. They all end up at the original point, but from a different point of view.

There is a point in our life when things become extremely difficult and life-changing like divorce. There needs to be a change. We need to move away from that point. We need to create movement away from that specific point.

It is not easy. It takes energy and a decision to move forward. But what direction do I need to move? What if I head in the wrong direction?

I may present an unpopular point here, and I may take a little flack with it, but I think in the end it really doesn’t matter. What matters is that you move away from that point, in ANY direction.

Make a decision to move on, and then start moving.

Think about how you would draw a triangle. You start with your pen or pencil on a specific point and than you move away from that point in a straight line. Just get moving. Go. Move away from it. It is time to leave that point, and it starts with the decision and movement.

Create the first side of your healing triangle.

But you may ask, what if I head in the wrong direction? Ultimately, it doesn’t really matter. What actually matters is that you start creating something new. Get moving.

When do you stop moving in that direction? It is different for everyone.

Just like every triangle can look different, so will your triangle. If you want that first side to be long to get as far away as you can from the specific point you are leaving, that is fine.

Sometimes the hurt and pain will cause you to head in a certain direction longer that others. You are on a journey that is meant only for you. You are unique and your healing will look different than anyone else’s healing.

There will come a time when you get tired of just moving away from that painful time in your life. You will realize that you are far enough away and it is time to make a shift. It may be to the left, it may be to the right.

Does it matter which way I turn? Again, it is your decision.

At this new point, it DOES matter which way you turn. You have to turn. You can’t just keep running away from that painful point.

You will come to the realization that if you just keep running from it, you will never be able to heal from it. You must be able to see that point from a different perspective. You need to start creating the second side of your healing triangle, and you must choose to turn right or left.

There are only two directions to choose from, right or left. Which direction will you take?

One direction leads you in a positive direction, one that will lead you to seek what good can come from your current situation. The other direction leads you in negative direction, one that will lead you down a path of negativity and an unhealthy mindset towards what happened and where you will ultimately end up.

Don’t make that decision without truly understanding which way you should turn. It will make a world of difference in the rest of your life. How will you heal from that point in your life that you would rather forget about and put behind you?

It does matter which way you turn. You will understand in a minute, how important this decision is and how it will change your whole life moving forward.

You are creating your first angle with this turn. Here is your next decision and another specific point in your life. It will change the direction of your life.

Choose Jesus. Choose the path towards the only one who can help you make sense of what happened. Choose the direction towards understanding and peace. Trust me. It is the best direction.

Yet, the decision is yours. When you truly see how much your life will be affected by taking the positive direction and how your healing triangle comes together, you will look back at this next specific point where you shifted your direction and be thankful you did.

You are now heading in a new direction. What kind of angle did you take?

A triangle is created by 3 angles and 3 sides.

The angle determines two things:

  1. Your commitment and trust to the healing process.
  2. Your faith in the healing process which determines how long it will take to heal.

Think about your healing triangle again. You are now creating that second side. You have committed to a change of direction, but at what angle?

Are you still heading away from that painful point in your life? Are you still running? Are you moving sideways, not wanting to hurt, but realizing that you need to stop running so you can address the pain before losing any more time?

Did you realize that the only way to move on is to take a sharp angle towards the understanding and truth that Jesus has for you? Do you trust Him and not yourself for the healing? The sharper the angle towards God will bring greater healing in a shorter time frame.

You can decide how long your healing will take by how sharp of an angle you take towards God and the healing He has for you.

Think about it. If you take a shallow angle and just put a little faith and commitment into your healing, you will end up having a much longer way to travel back to complete your healing triangle.

In order to complete a triangle, the second side leads to the second angle. That second angle is what you need to head towards completing your triangle.

The first angle determines your second angle.

The length of the second side (time spent before creating your second angle) is also a choice. How long do you want your second side to be? Everyone’s healing triangle is unique. It does take time. Don’t sweat it. Everyone’s healing times are different. Just don’t take forever to make your final decision. You will never complete your triangle until you do.

There will come that time when you are ready to look back at your original starting point because you want to complete your healing triangle, the healing process.

Here is where all of your decisions up to this point (the length of the first side, your decision to turn left or right, degree of that first angle, the length of the second side) all factor into the next step.

As you look back at that painful point in your life, you need to go back there to complete your healing triangle. Let me explain:

You need to be able to see what happened to you from a different perspective.

Your first angle determines how far you still have to go to complete your triangle. It also determines how sharp of an angle you now need to take in order to complete your triangle as well.

How long you took until you decided to turn (your second side) and face your past with a new perspective determines how much more time you have to complete your triangle.

Are you ready? Have you decided it is time to address the pain from a new perspective?

Let’s back up to your first angle: Did you take right turn? Did you choose the correct direction to turn? Are you heading back towards your painful past with understand, truth, and peace you received in the healing process from God? Did you make the wrong turn?

Before you finally connect the dots and complete your triangle, make sure you are seeing your pain through the grace, mercy, love, acceptance, healing, peace, and understanding of the only one who can heal a broken heart :Jesus!!

If you took the wrong turn, that is ok. Stop. Turn back. Return to where you made the wrong decision and create a new angle. Do it more than once if needed.

You need to see your pain from a positive direction with the eyes of God if you are ever going to fully and completely be healed from your pain. Trust me. It is the only way you will fully be able to move on without the baggage and unresolved issues that divorce or other painful event has caused you.

Did you take a positive, Godly angle when you were done running? Are you ready to complete your triangle?

Realize that whatever angle you took and the length of time you spent before making your second angle doesn’t really matter in the scheme of healing. It may add time and some uncomfortable times before you complete, but you are doing it; YOU ARE HEALING!!

Make the decision to head back to that painful point. With your new Godly perspective, make your second angle and connect the dots.

See your pain through God’s eyes. You can’t change it. It happened. It was painful.

As you complete your triangle, it may still hurt, but as you close your triangle know that healing is being completed. It may not feel like it, but it is. God is healing you. You decided how long and at what angles your healing took, but God brought you back here; to the point of your pain.

Complete your triangle. Let God hold your hand as you complete it. Ask Him to heal you completely as you trust Him to finish the work.

It is ok to shed tears. It is ok to still not understand why. It is ok. You will be ok.

You took the angle that led towards God and brought you back to the most painful point of your life with a fresh, Godly perspective; one that includes truth, peace, and understanding.

You are healed. Thank Him for healing you.

Give God the glory as you now move forward into all that He has for you.

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” — Romans 8:28

Be blessed!!

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This is an amazing new song (as of Oct 2019) from one of my favorite artists.

It describes our relationship with Father God in a way that touches me like few ever have touched me.  May it encourage you today like it encourages me. (Lyrics below)


I cover up the pain that I’m lost in
‘Cause  I wanna be enough and it’s exhausting
Trying  so hard but really I’m just wearing my heart out
And I find myself right on the verge of a breakdown

Then You hold me in Your hands
Remind  me who You are and who I am

I  was born broken so You can make me whole
I’ll bring my dirt and let You wash over me like water (Oh-oh-oh-oh)
I  was born to need You, to wipe the tears I cry
Yes, You made me a child so You could be my Father
I’m Your child and You’re my Father (Oh-oh-oh-oh)

Even when I’m lost and I don’t feel found
When  humans are human and they let me down
You’re still my Father

I was born broken so You can make me whole
I’ll bring my dirt and let You wash over me like water (Oh-oh-oh-oh)
I was born to need You, to wipe the tears I cry
Yes, You made me a child so You could be my Father
I’m Your child and You’re my Father (Oh-oh-oh-oh)

Be blessed!!

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Gain Strength

So many times in our lives, we struggle to find the strength we need.  Whether it is the strength we need to get through our current crisis or the strength to just get out of bed.  We need strength to attack another day of family, work, and whatever comes our way.

Personally, I am not near as strong in my life as I need to be.  I miss going to the gym, I don’t post here enough, and I miss out on getting things done for my family.  To be honest, it is not a lack of strength.  It is a lack of discipline.

I lack building my physical strength when I decide that going to the gym is not as important as another activity.  I lack building up content for those who are looking for help and encouragement in a time of need when I decide that my time focused on something else takes precedence.  I lack building my family’s confidence in me as a provider and maintainer when I do not get things done around the house and furthering my career.  Why is that?

The dictionary has many definitions of strength. Here are the top 3:

1: the quality or state of being strong: Capacity for exertion or endurance
2: power to resist force
3: power of resisting attack

It is interesting in all off these, strength is actually describes and defined in terms of resistance and endurance.

Strength cannot exist without a force purposely being thrust against it.  It has no purpose but to withstand a force dead set on keeping you being better, being more that you are right now.

There is a force that wants you to stay where you are now and not experience what true strength brings.

Is it possible that part of our weakness and lack of strength is not recognizing the force that is coming against us?


Ephesians 6:12 (MEV)

12 For our fight is not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, and against spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.


Complacency and weakness are partners.  Ever notice that when you settle for where you are now, it feels like there is more out there?  Why does it seem so difficult when you start to improve yourself?

We pray for God to bless us and help us out of our situations, yet could we be unwilling to build our strength in the areas where God wants us to grow?  Could He know that we are leaving real life on the plate after we have only eaten the junk food live hands us?

As Christians, we have given our lives to Jesus.  He desires to give us all that we need.  He has promised us strength and peace.


Psalm 29:11 (MEV)

11 The Lord will give strength to His people;
the Lord will bless His people with peace.


Why do we choose not to seek strength whether it is physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual strength?  When we think other things are more important than spending some quality time with Jesus every day in prayer and devotions, we lose out on building our strength through knowing and becoming more like Him.

True strength to win the battle against the forces fighting against our relationships, family, finances, peace, and well-being is only built through the truth of God’s Word and focused time spent communing with Him.

Reading the Bible, praise & worship, devotions, fellowship, weekly worship services, and daily time spent in His presence away from all that distracts us (even for a few minutes) allows Him to build the muscles of faith that we need to grow and have the strength we need to live this life.


1 Chronicles 16:11 (MEV)

11 Seek the Lord and His strength;
seek His face continually.


Today is a new day.  You don’t have to be focused on the forces coming against you when you focus on the God of the universe who is over all of them.  Even if it is just 5 minutes today, just quiet yourself and focus on Jesus.  Not what He can do for you, but who He is.

He is love.  He is truth.  He is power.  He is strength.  He is all you need.


Be blessed!!

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A Song Story

So many times while we proceed down the road to healing from divorce, you wonder about so many things. You wonder so much sometimes that it makes you question your own existence.

This is a story behind the amazing song, “Wanted”, recently released by Danny Gokey. He and the co-songwriter provide so much insight and wisdom for everyone to help them through the hard times. I don’t know what else I can add.

Here is the full video:

God loves you.

You are Wanted.

Be blessed.

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A friend of mine (Matt Anderson) shared this from a Facebook post by Kari Stephens Perkins with Get Up & Get Real Ministry. Not sure if she is the original creator, but wanted to share where I got it from.

The hardest part of healing is accepting the fact that you have wounds that are more than superficial. Someone gashed you and hurt you beyond what you could ever imagine. You did not enter into a relationship expecting to end up like this, and you should not have. Yet, here you are.

This is serious business!! Hurt people hurt people!!

Don’t become that person that refuses to do what it takes to heal, only to project your pain, damage, and issues on someone else who doesn’t deserve it.

How does it make you feel when someone else doesn’t just dump on you, but attacks you in a way you know does not fit their real personality? It is unfair to you and to themselves. They don’t want to attack like that, but the pain is eating away at them and they are turning it upon others instead of dealing with the root issues.

Do the hard work. Get to the root of the issues that have caused you the damage to your soul. It will take time, most times must longer than you may want it to take, but it is worth it.


I am not a counselor. I am not a pastor. I am not a savior. I am not qualified.

Find the ones who are qualified. Find a counselor, a pastor, and a savior.

The following statement is being said in love. If you know me, you will understand it is meant to share with you what I believe you need, not what you may want:

If you don’t have others involved in your healing process, it is my belief that not only are you trying to take the easy way out, you are robbing yourself of a testimony and a real true healing that allows you to walk in strength through peace for the rest of your life.

The very first person you need is Jesus!!! Of course, He is God. He is also a person. He became human to experience pain and suffering as we do. He knows the ultimate betrayals, wounds, and physical destruction unto death unlike anyone else in all of eternity.

You need a real, raw, complete relationship with Jesus.

If you are confusing a relationship with Jesus with a ministry, church, or organization, then you are going to be disappointed. Jesus never fails. Jesus never leaves you or forsakes you.

By the power of the Holy Spirit, He brings everything you need when you fully surrender your whole life (wounds and all) to Him. He brings comfort, peace, joy, healing, wholeness, love, and everything you must have in order to receive a complete healing.

I am not bashing the church, ministries, or other religious organizations. Just know that they are filled with humans (just like you & I), imperfect and needing help. They do the best they can. They want to be there for you. Give them some grace and mercy during the process.

Without Jesus and a total focus on His Word and His Holy Spirit, you are missing the most important part of the healing from the only one who can heal a broken heart.

Spend time alone with Jesus. Study His Word. Pray that God reveals real love to you, not a human’s definition or representation of love. Allow Him the time to stitch up the wounds caused from a relationship lost. True healing takes time and patience.

Find a Christian counselor that understands how important Jesus is in the healing process. If they trust a human process over God’s process, they are the wrong counselor (sorry, but let’s get real). Why trust a man over God? They should bring all the gifts that they have been given along with their training and knowledge to the table, but they should give all the glory and authority to Jesus and the Holy Spirit, who ultimately does the healing.

It is understandable that when relationships go bad people are looking for change or want to find a new church. In many ways, it can be healthy to do that, but don’t leave a life-giving, Bible-preaching, spirit-filled, loving church just because you are hurt. Meet with the pastors or a care partner to express your feelings and determine the best course of action.

Just leaving a church because it will be difficult is not a reason. Neither is you feeling like you have a big ‘D’ on your forehead (that was me) when you gather for worship or a group.

You are there for God, not for what others think. You are there to lift His name on high, not give others something to gossip about this week. You are there for your relationship with the Almighty, not for the one who thought they were the almighty.

Leaving your current church and groups may rob you of just the ones that God wants to use to help you heal. Who knows how they will rally around you and support you in prayer. They can be a resource as you get back on your feet.

My wife and I used to lead an amazing divorce recovery group at our church  called DivorceCare. Not only can you sign up for a daily encouragement, you can join a group that is a sound, biblical group that ends up helping each other as much or more than the curriculum does. Your church may have a similar group as well.

Most of all, have a support group of family and friends that love Jesus and what He wants, complete and total wholeness through that healing that only the Healer gives. Find those that don’t pull you down, but lift you up.

Trust the process, but the RIGHT process. God’s process!!

Psalms 51:17 ESV

17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

Psalm 147:3 ESV

3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Be blessed.

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Silver Lining

There will come a time in your life when you will have no answers and wonder how you can make it one more day.  It could be the loss of a job, relationship, or a loved one.  It could cause you to make decisions that will change the course of your life forever. It could break the inner most part of your soul.  Could it be more?

After a second failed marriage, I resigned myself to the fact that I may never have another serious relationship ever again. It hurt so bad, yet I realized that life has a way of moving on with or without me.  I didn’t want to be left behind.

I moved out of state to be close to my brother and get involved with his church.  Through the pain and hurt that I was I still processing, I felt that God had something amazing for me. Little did I know how important having a healthy attitude towards what God might have in store for me would affect my future in such a positive way.

I now possessed a heart for people that needed healing from divorce.  The pain I experienced would become a resource for change.  I saw so many hurting people and I needed to be a part of their recovery.  I just didn’t know how to help.

Within eleven months, I met and married my wife.  I adopted our son and our daughter would be on the way. Within two years, we started leading marriage groups at our home. Eventually we were asked to lead a divorce recovery group.  After another four years, I felt a shift in how I would be able to help even more people.

Life was not going to leave me behind.

Something had been birthed within me to create a blog which started my writing career.  A few years later, an opportunity arose to reach millions of people through writing devotional reading plans for the Bible App.  I finally started to realize that there was a greater purpose for my pain.

Though I felt so unworthy and unqualified to take on any of these opportunities, I knew that God imparted wisdom and knowledge within me that needed to be shared with those going through the healing process from divorce.  During the process, I felt like I would never be able to finish what I started.  Because of God’s loving patience and grace, I overcame my shortcomings to complete the work that He started.

I came to realize that God could use me, damaged and all, to help others through their time of crisis.  I was uniquely gifted and called to help those with divorce healing while inspiring others to use their own life experiences to encourage and love others.

There was something greater to come, a greater purpose.

God created a silver lining.

What Next?

What do you do when you look at your marriage, family, or home and all you see is a pile of rubble?  Do you just want to cry and give up?  Is it even worth the time and effort to do anything but just leave and never look back?

Jesus knows.  He sees you right there in the midst of the decay and destruction.  He wants you to know that He knows.  He saw what happened.  He knows how it happened.  He knows how you feel.  He wants to walk through all of this with you.

Allstate says ” You’re in good hands with Allstate”.

State Farm says, “Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there”.

Good marketing, lousy counseling.

God says, “I will never leave you, nor forsake you”.  Heb 13:5b

God says, “And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you”.  Psalm 9:10

I suggest you jump into the arms of Jesus and know that God is always with you, not just until a claim is paid and your rates go up.

Healing from divorce and separation is not a simple 10 step plan to wellness.  A fancy flowchart is not going to make you feel any better.

You are on a journey that is unlike any other’s journey that has ever experienced a breakup.  You may or may not have children.  You may or may not have been the cheater or the one that was cheated on.  Every relationship and divorce is different.

It is hard telling you what to do next.  I don’t know what specifics you would tell me about your situation if we could chat over an Orange Ginger Herbal Tea at Panera. (Very good!!)

First, I would give you a hug.  So many times, all people need is someone to be the physical expression of Jesus giving you a shoulder to cry on and a gentle hug to make you know that someone cares.

Second, I would listen to you.  I would let you get it all out.  Tell me how horrible that %@$!^#%@ is and how they have made your life a living hell.  I would be patient and actively engage you as you explain your side of the story.  You need to tell it in a safe and protected environment, getting a release from some of the pressure you feel.

Third, I would want you take stock of what you have and the blessings you still enjoy today. Right now, you are breathing, and whether you realize it or not, that is a miracle!!  God wants you to live and to experience His love while you move through this difficult time.  You still have purpose and a reason to be here on earth.  If you have a roof over your head, a job, children, and other family and friends to be around, then you have something a lot of people do not have.

Fourth, I would suggest whatever professional help you need, even if it’s just a few discussions with a pastor or someone in a care ministry at your local church.  See a therapist (preferably a Christian) that understands not just the mental issues that you are facing, but can address everything from a perspective of your spiritual well-being as well.  We are a 3-part being; spirit, soul, and body  God’s perspective is beyond human knowledge. Why wouldn’t you ask for His help?

Fifth, I would encourage you to be around other positive, Godly people who will tell you the truth in love and walk this road with you.  It is hard to hear hard things about us sometimes, but a true friend that hurts a little is better that someone telling you half truths and just wants to tell you what you want to hear.

Sixth, I would help you to discover a simple, inexpensive stress reliever (not drugs or alcohol). Maybe start using adult coloring books, learn cross-stitching, grab a fishing pole and find a new fishing spot, read a book instead of watching tv, take up gardening, volunteer at church or in the community, or anything else that will occupy your mind on something other than what you tend to stress about.

Seventh, I would encourage you to start dreaming again.  It may seem strange and you may not feel like it, especially now, but if you aren’t looking forward to something positive, you will naturally sink back or remain stuck where you are.  Don’t be the nation of Israel and keep going around the same mountain for 40 years.  Trust in God’s Word and have faith in Him as He leads you to a new land that will be beyond what you could ever imagine.

Eighth, I need you to be realistic.  You can’t change the past.  You can’t make someone love you.  You can’t force someone to do something they don’t want to do.  People can be hurtful, destructive, and absolutely crazy.  That includes you and me.  We are all human.  You may never know why.  You may never fully understand how God is going to make anything good come from this.  That is okay.  It is not your job to know everything, but it is your responsibility to lean on Jesus and allow His Holy Spirit to fill in the gaps.

Ninth, I would pray for you out loud, placing a hand on your shoulder while I ask the God of the universe to come and invade your life.  I would ask Him to bring His Holy Spirit to dwell inside of you, filling the empty spaces and flowing through every part of your spirit, soul, and body.  I would pray that you are refreshed, renewed, and made new each day as the sun rises.

Tenth, I would tell you the most important thing that I can ever tell anyone experiencing separation and divorce; nothing YOU can ever say or do can ever make you whole.  NOTHING.  Only God and a growing relationship with Him through the atoning sacrifice of Jesus can bring the peace, comfort, healing, love, joy, fulfillment, forgiveness, and life that will bring you a total and complete wholeness.  Everything else is only a simple, partial, fractured feeling of relief until you fully understand the depth of love God has for you.

Don’t settle for anything less than what God has for you.

Accept His love.  Accept His open arms.  Accept His grace and mercy.  Accept Jesus.

I created 31 short prayer videos.  They are based on the 31 topics taken from the Divorce to Healing: 31 Days of Healing and Wholeness book and reading plan.  Feel free to join me as I  pray for you on any of those specific issues or topics. Use this link to go to my YouTube channel.

What do you know?  Maybe there is a 10 step plan….

Be blessed!!

YouVersion Bible App Reading Plans:
31 Days: http://bit.ly/2DNy6E6
7 Days: http://bit.ly/2DTHQwD

Book: http://amzn.to/2ctwjHp



Who Am I?

She just left me, slamming the door in my face.  He screamed at me, “I don’t love you any more!” while hanging up on me.  Now what?  Is this really happening?

When marriages get to this point, it tears at every part of you.  Words that should be spoken in love and grace are usually shouted with anger and pain.  “How can they say things like this?”

Attacks of all kinds, specifically verbal attacks, chisel away at the very fiber of our being.  They erode the foundations that our lives have been built upon for years….and now this.

Where does that leave us?  We question our relationships. We question why we did what we did.  We question why someone we are/were in love with hurts us in ways we never thought could hurt this bad.  We question so many insignificant things that sometimes don’t have anything to do with the issues at hand.  Why?

At the root of all the questions lies two separate and distinct forces rubbing together, like the tectonic plates that cause earthquakes.  And that is what is happening; an earthquake in your very soul!!

There are two massive forces grinding against each other, colliding and smashing against one another causing so much friction and heat that it results in a reaction at the surface.

One force is taking all of the angry words, pain caused by infidelity and abuse, and unfulfilled expectations and driving it against the other force which holds the words spoken in love, mercy and grace through all the failures, and dreams that have come true.  It is a battle of good vs bad.  It is a struggle of truth vs lie.

The plates that are grinding together, fighting for your identity are simply this:

  1. What others say and think about you (including yourself)
  2. What God says and thinks about you (your true self)

When our thoughts about ourselves get to the point where we question who we are and what we have become, we have taken our eyes off of God and put them on ourselves.

Don’t get me wrong. It is good to reflect on ourselves and do some self-inventory to be aware of how we are processing issues in our lives. It is a good thing, but too much of self leads to disaster. Going over every little problem to the nth degree will only drive us crazy.

When someone cheats on us or abandons us, it causes pain and hurt.  It truly attacks our self-image with feelings that are negative towards what we see in the natural. They attack what we think about ourselves and how we believe others see us as well.

Choices of others should not dictate how you feel about yourself, but they do.  Why?  Because we are human.

We are living in a fallen world with a fallen system trying to be controlled by fallen people falling into fallen decisions that just cause us to want to fall into our bed and stay there.  Don’t let someone else’s fallen decisions make you believe something about yourself that is untrue.

Don’t let their failures cause you to create more mistakes that you will be responsible for in the future.  Two wrongs do not equal a right.

If you made mistakes, own up to them and do everything you can to correct the situation so you can be better.  If you can improve in areas like communication, work/life balance, or personality development, by all means do it.  Make those changes to be a better person because you need to be better, not just because someone hurt you.  You need to be the best you for your own well-being; mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

When we believe things about ourselves that contradict what God thinks about us, we need to change.  He need to know what God says about us and see ourselves through His eyes.

God knows we are human.  He created us that way.  He sees all of our faults, weaknesses, and mistakes.  He knows.  Yes, He knows it all…….even that thing you are thinking about right now.  And He loves you anyway.

That is why we need more of Jesus EVERY DAY!!  We need to spend time in His Word, giving Him back some of the time He has given us.  God gave you this day.  He gives you every breath you take and the life you have right now (as messed up as it may seem).  He is just wanting a little bit of your time so He can help you with whatever you are dealing with today.

What does God think about you?

“For I know the thoughts I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11.

“Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them. How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them!” Psalm 139:16-17.

Will God give up on you?

“Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9.

“For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39.

So now what, God?

“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” Ephesians 2:10.

“Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21:3-4.

God loves you in ways I could never even describe.  What He thinks about you rubs up against the lies of the enemy coming against you from the words and actions of those not in alignment with what God knows about you.

Don’t waste one more minute of your life believing something about you that God doesn’t believe about you.  You are just causing an aftershock of the earthquake that has already happened.  The earthquake is over.  Don’t let the effects continue.

There will be minor aftershocks until the plates give up their pressure.  Believe me… God is a loving, patient, and powerful God and no lies of the enemy or people who want to tear you down are more loving, more patient, and more powerful than Him.

Take one day at a time (with Jesus).  Hold on to what is strong (Jesus).  Don’t believe lies and half-truths about yourself.  Believe what God KNOWS about you.

You were created by a loving God.  You are loved with an everlasting love.  You will be recover from this earthquake over time as you walk hand in hand with the One who holds it all together, Jesus!!

Be blessed!!

YouVersion Bible App Reading Plans:
31 Days: http://bit.ly/2DNy6E6
7 Days: http://bit.ly/2DTHQwD

Book: http://amzn.to/2ctwjHp








Another Milestone

Words cannot describe what this number means to me. It is so much more than a number.

It is a newly single mom struggling to make ends meet with her children after her husband left.

It is a man who has lost all confidence and peace along with his family and home.

It is a child trying to heal from its parent’s pain, selfishness, and mistakes.

When I started this journey with God and all of you, I wondered how much impact my past struggles and insight about healing from divorce would have on the world. Little did I know, a lot more than I could hope or imagine.

After coming back from a short visit with family, I checked the reports from YouVersion on my Reading Plans:

DIvorce to Healing: 31 Days of Healing and Wholeness

Divorce to Healing: Survive and Thrive

Over 100,000 Subscriptions and over 50,000 completions!!! Thank you, Jesus!!

So many of you, our Divorce to Healing blog community, came to us through one or both of those plans.

I am so humbled and honored to all of you for allowing me to be just a part of your walk with God towards healing and wholeness in any way, but especially those who also subscribed and/or completed either of the plans. It confirms to me that God is so good, merciful, forgiving, loving, and gracious to all of us.

God gave me a purpose for my pain. It was to help others in their time of need.

Are you one of the 100,00+ who subscribed to a reading plan? Are you one of the 50,000+ who completed a reading plan? Have you just happened across this blog and need to start the process? No matter where you are in your healing process, I would love to hear from you. Feel free to leave your thoughts and feelings as a comment.

You are special. You are unique. There never has been or ever will be another person EVER exactly like you. You were created in the image of God and He wants you to know that He loves you and cares about you and your family. No matter what has happened in the past or will happen in the future, you deserve to know the healing and wholeness that only God can give.

I will be praying for you. And thank you again for allowing me along on this life journey with you.

Be blessed!!


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