Tag: depression

I Am Humbled

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I just found out today that in less than 2 months since the release, over 2000 people have downloaded the free Reading Plan from the YouVersion Bibile app and over 350 have already completed the full 31 days. WOW!!

The reason I wanted to share this with you is to show you that by letting God use your past to heal your present, He will give you a future you could never imagine.

In those moments that seemed like ages when I could hardly see beyond the day, my future was not even close to being a thought. The only future I was worried about was if I could make it to tomorrow.

When I felt so strongly that God wanted me to step out on this project, I did everything I could to try to explain it away or not to do it. God had other plans.

The plan was YOU!!!

For the ones that needed a word of encouragement. For the ones that needed wisdom to make the tough choices. For the ones that needed hope for tomorrow. God made me realize that you needed what He wanted to speak through me to you.

So today I just wanted to be excited for you, the ones who have joined us on this journey. I also want to ask you to join us if you haven’t yet. The link to the free reading plan is below. We would be so honored to have you join the Divorce to Healing family.

I would also love to hear your thoughts, comments, and questions about the plan or just anything that you want to share about the blog or how anything you care to say. Just let me know. I would love your thoughts.

And remember, you never know how your awesome your tomorrow can be if you don’t heal from your past today.

The direct link to the FREE Divorce to Healing: 31 Days of Healing and Wholeness is here!!

Be blessed!!

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Divorce Is Not A Marriage Mulligan

Mulligan

 

For all the golfers out there, you know what a mulligan is. For those unaware of what a mulligan is, I will describe it in one word: Do-over.

A mulligan in golf is when you are given another shot to make up for the one you just hit into the water or shanked into the woods. I should know because I have used them many times. Thankfully, I was not trying to qualify for the US Open or a local tournament. Maybe after not golfing for a few years, my “skill” of hitting it right in the wrong spot has fixed itself. (I highly doubt it!!)

In a regular round of golf, you will tee off 18 times. If you walk up to the first tee and proceed to knock the ball straight down the fairway, you expect the round to go pretty good. It is like waking up in the morning and it’s all sunshine and rainbows. If you walk up to the first tee and smash it 300 yards, but 150 yards to the right into the trees, Lord have mercy!! (Can I just take a mulligan?)

In all of my years helping people with relationships and the issues pertaining to divorce, I hear the terms “Starter Marriage” and “Practice Relationship”. Sorry folks, but it doesn’t work that way. Unlike in sports, you must make the best with what you have. Play it where it lies.

Hitting a horrible shot off the first tee or chunking a wedge that ends up blowing your ball over the green into the water is a lot like the tragedy of a divorce. It causes words to be blurted out that should never be said. Destruction to the offending club could rend it useless and only worth the trash can when you get back to the clubhouse. If you can’t find the ball or lost it in the lake, now you are out the money for the ball too, along with additional stokes as a penalty, unless you take a mulligan.

But if you care about the spirit of the sport of golf, the role honesty and playing by the rules plays, you will record the appropriate score and move on. It is about doing what is right and taking the high road. Accepting the consequences. Moving forward.

This message could be applied in two ways:

1) If you are married (and possibly contemplating separation or divorce), realize it is just a bump in the road and you can recover. Many times, golfers overcome a bad shot or even a series of shots to win the tournament. It is fortitude and determination that helps you to be better on the rest of this round and to finish out the tournament strong. It is never over until the last stroke. You may just be surprised how well the rest of it turns out.

2) If the duff or shank is what has happened to you and divorce is now the course you are on, see the rest of the tournament as the rest of your life. You still have a lot of game to play. You may pull up to a par 3 and hit a hole-in-one!! Don’t just take a mulligan. Use this as a learning process to gather yourself for the next hole and rounds of your life.

As a Christian, you can have Jesus as your caddie. He can warn you of the hazards and keep you from straying off course. He can tell you how the greens lean and what will cause your ball (life) to move side to side. He will tell you when to swing with all your might and when to lay up a little. Best caddie you will ever consider having, too!!

Sometimes, people make too much or too little of divorce. They want you to just get over it and start over or take a mulligan.

Take it from me–Let Jesus carry your bag (burdens) and guide you through the Masters golf tournament called life. Let the Master be your caddie!!

Click here to access a FREE 31 Day devotional called Divorce to Healing: 31 Days of Healing and Wholeness as featured on the YouVersion Bible App.

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Divorce to Healing devotional coming soon!!

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Looking forward to finishing this up and publishing in the very near future. There is also a possibility that we will be involved with other projects that will be very exciting. Looking forward to what God wants to do with this project. Make sure you follow us here and on our Facebook and Twitter pages as well so you won’t miss out on all the news. Thanks and be blessed!!

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Divorce to Healing: Day 30

Peace

Peace

 

Do you long for peace? Do you pray for peace in your family and in your soul? Do you just need some peace (and quiet)? I may not be able to help with the quiet part, but if you have young kids, take it when you get it!!

There are those of us who need to just stop and give some peace to others. We need to end our wars and offer to at least be nice to one another. If that is you, for the love of all that is holy, please do it. Nothing rots a soul like a poisonous agenda looking to hurt someone else. To get peace, you need to start by giving it.

There are those of us who really just need peace, to make it through today. We need that quiet confidence that things are ok and are going to be better tomorrow. If that is you, do whatever you need to do to get it. Have someone watch the kids, call a friend or family member to talk, or get alone with God.

There will always be conflict, even in your greatest relationships. Don’t let that discourage you. Through struggle comes strength, if you use it positively. Peace is more an attitude than a feeling. You can choose to live in peace.

When you strive to see people through God’s eyes, you see them for who they really are; a child of God. Pray that they will see you the way God see you.

Take the high road because in the end, the view is so much more peaceful.

11 Finally, brethren, rejoice, be made complete, be comforted, be like-minded, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you. 2 Cor 13:11

Peace is not an absence of conflict, it is a quiet comfort in strength. Peace is not a lack of an enemy, it is the fullness of a relationship with the peace-maker, Jesus!!

Prayer

God, grant me peace today. Let me know how much You love me and allow my soul be renewed, refreshed, and restored every day, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Divorce to Healing: Day 29

Evidence

Evidence

 

The cop shows on TV and the local law enforcement are not the only ones that have to handle evidence. Searching, collecting, and examining evidence happens whenever something tragic happens, but there are so many ways to use it.

Evidence can convict and exonerate. It can lead and it can confuse. The person handling the evidence is the one who largely determines how best to use it, but it may not be the whole truth.

You are in the process of healing, and in that process there are pieces of the tragedy that shine a light on what happened.  There will also be evidence of healing and that is where I want to spend the rest of our time.

What do you see in yourself that has learned from your past, good and bad? Have you realized those thoughts, words, and deeds that have brought you to this point and how they are impacting your life today? Learn from the bad, but dwell on those things that you see that are good. Make a list of the good ones!!

At your lowest point, did you ever think you would have been able to do some of the things you are able to do now? (i.e. communicate better, handle finances, enjoy your quiet time, keep the kids alive, remember to take out the trash, etc..)

So many little things all the way up to the big things are improving daily, even if you do not see it yet. Each day you wake up, you are one day closer to your healing and one more day closer to the blessings God has for you.

11 Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Heb 11:1

Have faith!! Tomorrow will be better. Some days may not, but add them up!!

Prayer

God, may the evidence of my healing be revealed to my day by day so that it may shine through me so that others can also see your grace, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Video of encouragement

As we move on with healing from divorce, there must be evidence things are changing. I believe just you spending time with God, reading His Word, reading this blog, spending time with your family and friends, and letting others help you that you will see the evidence of your healing.

Maybe you need to see some evidence. I pray you are encouraged today and realize that you being here is evidence enough for me that you are healing. And that is encouraging me.

Be blessed!!!

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Divorce to Healing: Day 23

Regret

Regret

 

One very difficult thing you will fight is the urge to live with regrets. We have all done and said things that we wish we would have handled differently. That is just life and being human.

Letting the past cloud our present does nothing to help us heal and it robs us of precious energy and time. It only prolongs the process.

It is one thing to analyze those actions of our past that have caused us pain, whether it was our fault or not. It is another thing to keep rehashing over and over again what should be handled and dealt with, then left in the past.

View those regretful situations for the only good they can bring; gaining wisdom to understand and eventually helping to encourage or share with others when they may eventually be dealing with the exact same thing.

One of my greatest regrets that I had to handle was not knowing how to communicate. I blamed it on many things, but ultimately I needed to learn how to communicate and realize that it was ok to just tell people how I felt.

By moving forward and working through whatever regrets you may still have, you will start to put the pieces of the healing puzzle together.

10 For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death. 2 Cor 7:10

Use the pain of the past to prepare you for your future. Learn and then let go. You can’t do that if you don’t stop looking in the rearview mirror of life.

Prayer

God, help me to have no regrets for deciding to let you handle my life and doing what is right in Your eyes, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Divorce to Healing: Day 22

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Comparison

 

If it’s not bank accounts or looks it is stuff or relationships. We compare costs, features, and usefulness for just about everything. When it comes to where you are now in your healing process, don’t so it.

I know you wonder if that person that wrecked your life is a better cook, lover, provider, or parent. It is human nature, but that is not God’s nature.

When we compare ourselves to others, it is really just us comparing our worst to their best, our lack to their abundance, their joy to our pain. I know, because I did it too.

Why give someone else that has negatively affected you control your thoughts and image of yourself? What right do they have? Only the right that you give to them by allowing yourself to play a game of comparison that you cannot win.

Why not compare your situation to someone laying in a bed dying of cancer? How about the millions of starving and abused children all over the world, even in America? Even that is pointless, unless you need to get a reality check.

You are special. You have gifts and talents that nobody else on the earth has ever had or ever will again, in the way you were created. Only you can do what God has created you to do, and no one can compare to that, even if you are hurting.

Wisdom and identity in truth will allow you to move beyond comparing.

11  For wisdom is better than jewels; And all desirable things cannot compare with her.  Prov 8:11

You are becoming someone who will have no equal. You will be able to give help and wisdom to others because of what you are learning now. Get ready.

Prayer

God, help me to not compare my weakness to other’s strengths. Let me know that you never compare me and that you always love me, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Divorce to Healing: Day 21

Hope

Hope

 

With all you have already gone through and so much more you may still be facing, do you ever feel like it is just too much? Why bother? Will I ever have peace?

The answer is yes or no. That may sound strange, and it is meant to cause you to pay attention, because this could make or break you. And I want it to be yes!!

The answer is yes, if you can be honest with yourself. Know that you need help and get it. Know that you need others around you that speak life into you and don’t lead you into destructive thoughts or actions. Know that God is the answer!!

The answer is no, if you just decide to spend your time hating others, being angry, not forgiving, and just doing what feels good. Know that these things will just give you more pain and struggle, causing you to spiral towards a life of less than great.

Honestly, the only real answer I give to people for any advice they ask me is to seek Jesus with everything you have and follow Him. Any other advice is from a sorry man who has failed twice at marriage, yet found complete healing and peace with just that advice. And hope is there for you, if you choose it.

People’s stories of survival in dire situations seem to get boiled down to hope. They realized that without hope, they would never be rescued. It even sometimes led them to discover a new plan or strategy to get them out of their tragedy.

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Jer 29:11

There is always hope. Hope is all around you, just like the air you breathe. Every time you breathe in, air comes in. Open your heart and let hope in!!

Prayer

God, I need You now!! I need you to be the hope in my life and to show me how to live each day hoping for a greater life, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Divorce to Healing: Day 17

Yearning

Yearning

 

Some of the most difficult times in our lives are those that cause us to desire things we cannot have. I want my 20 year old, 185# physique back. I may lose the weight, but something tells me I will never be 20 years old again.

We all yearn for something or someone. During separation and divorce, we yearn for our relationship with the person we have lost, when it was so happy and life-giving for both of you.

Feelings of longing for a relationship we used to have or the possibility of a new one, is not wrong and you should not feel bad about that. Just be realistic with your feelings.

May I suggest you yearn for that which you can attain, like a healed heart and a renewed soul? Reach to acquire the help you need to get you there, like professional help or pastoral care. Give yourself a chance.

Growth comes through stretching for more than you have now. Just like a rubber band, by stretching it out, it actually expands when it retreats leaving it able to do more next time.

Take time to yearn, but for what matters and for what will bring you the healing and wholeness you need to move forward.

5 Or do you think that the Scripture says in vain, “The Spirit who dwells in us yearns jealously”? James 4:5

There is someone who does yearn and longs jealously for a sincere relationship with you; Jesus. Take time to let him show you what a real loving relationship is.

Prayer

God, may my heart and soul be filled with Your love so completely that I can feel how jealously you yearn for us to spend time together, in Jesus’ name. Amen.

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